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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my own kids at my wedding reception

100 replies

Rafalito · 12/01/2024 14:39

Bear with me… this is more complicated than I’ve led you to believe.

I have 2 older kids (13,10) with my ex and a 2 yr old with my current partner. We’re getting married abroad summer 2025 in a tiny wedding with closest friends and family - a week long thing - obviously kids invited (mine will walk me down the aisle!)

This summer we’ve decided to have a large ‘reception’ for all friends (some very spurious!) in UK. Evening, few hours, drinks, food, band etc. Due to unforeseen circumstances my eldest is going to be away on the date we’ve sent out. Initially shocked I then actually began to think how liberating it would be for me to enjoy a party without any kids at all to hang off me, ask for stuff, throw up, follow me around etc. I’ve come around to really quite wanting it to be ‘no kids’ and neither of my older two mind at all because they know the ‘real’ wedding is abroad next summer.

My other half is really upset and wants to change it all so they (and other) kids can come. I genuinely want advice - AIBU to want a celebration where I have no responsibilities? They all come to me not him and from experience I know ‘taking them home’ etc will fall on me. I love the idea of being able to go on after with some friends and even get a hotel that night! Am I being selfish?

OP posts:
Ewoklady · 12/01/2024 14:41

That sounds lovely - a family party and wedding and the. A ‘grown up’ party - ban idea in my opinion

Pootles34 · 12/01/2024 14:41

Well your partner wants them there... I'd say he's pretty integral to the event?

Ewoklady · 12/01/2024 14:41

Fab (typo) idea

Comedycook · 12/01/2024 14:41

I think you're being reasonable. They will be at the wedding. This is a party for the grown ups.

Sanch1 · 12/01/2024 14:42

I dont think you're being selfish. You're essentially just having a big summer party, it doesnt really bear any resemblance to your wedding if that is not until next year. I think he's being a bit silly.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 12/01/2024 14:43

I think you’re an absolute saint for taking them to your abroad wedding tbh. I wanted an wedding but with no one ( I lost that argument!)

I think it’s absolutely ok and really lovely for you to enjoy your reception party without the stress. I’m 100 % on board with your suggestion!

Theunamedcat · 12/01/2024 14:45

Pootles34 · 12/01/2024 14:41

Well your partner wants them there... I'd say he's pretty integral to the event?

True but its all going to fall on OP to be the responsible adult and that's not fair

Watchthedoormat · 12/01/2024 14:45

You are not being selfish. You deserve a night for yourself without the constraints of being 'mum'.
I would not call this party a reception though.
Surely you will have your reception with your dvc and wedding party immediately after your wedding.
What you're having is a celebration of your nuptials with adult friends and family.

Ponderingwindow · 12/01/2024 14:46

Are you exchanging vows at the first party?

senua · 12/01/2024 14:47

This summer we’ve decided to have a large ‘reception’ for all friends (some very spurious!) in UK.
Is this A Thing now? The reception before the wedding?Confused

muggart · 12/01/2024 14:48

Your partner wants his child there. I think it's pretty harsh to tell him no.

Babyroobs · 12/01/2024 14:48

Sanch1 · 12/01/2024 14:42

I dont think you're being selfish. You're essentially just having a big summer party, it doesnt really bear any resemblance to your wedding if that is not until next year. I think he's being a bit silly.

This. A bit odd to have a wedding reception a whole year before the actual wedding so I don't see how it really matters ?

Westsussex · 12/01/2024 14:54

This sounds like a party, not a wedding reception :)so you could just suggest having an adult party to your oh and at least you'd enjoy it and relax. If you can't relax and enjoy, maybe save your money as what's the point.

As it happens, we had a child free wedding, and it was the best decision we could have made for everyone :)

kintra · 12/01/2024 15:00

Sounds more like an engagement party? In which case YANBU to have it adults only

2024namechange · 12/01/2024 15:05

@senua I think they used to call them engagement parties!

Kittenkitty · 12/01/2024 15:17

senua · 12/01/2024 14:47

This summer we’ve decided to have a large ‘reception’ for all friends (some very spurious!) in UK.
Is this A Thing now? The reception before the wedding?Confused

I think having it before probably helps pay for the wedding 😂 🤑

LondonBusGirl · 12/01/2024 15:18

I think it's OK to not have them there, as others have said it's not actually you're wedding.

That said though, would it prevent other guests from attending if you made it childfree? And if it wasn't childfree except for your own children, would they feel upset?

Also logistics - who will look after your 2 year old if presumably all family and friends will be at your party?

Kittenkitty · 12/01/2024 15:18

Joking aside though, no I think you’re not being unreasonable. Your enjoyment would be significantly impacted by kids being there, whereas his wouldn’t be significantly impacted by kids not being there.

LondonBusGirl · 12/01/2024 15:19

*your wedding

LondonBusGirl · 12/01/2024 15:20

I think it's quite common to have a UK celebration for those who would not be attending the abroad wedding. Usually afterwards, but no reason it can't be before I guess.

Original poster
Rafalito · 12/01/2024 16:00

No - as other posters have said, it’s a very roundabout wedding - vows and ‘proper’ wedding are a week long thing abroad where we’ve organised all sorts for kids, elderly, everyone coming (but it’s small). It will be lovely but I will be looking after everyone. This is a celebration with all our friends and to kind of let hair down… originally I hadn’t planned to not have the kids but because my eldest can’t come due to other reasons this has come up and the more I think about it the more I realise I’d love to have a liberating party with no responsibilities- my OH is amazing but it’s always me who ends up dealing with the kids. Me who would take them home etc. I’d love to celebrate with my friends and not have the responsibility but I do get what people are saying that he wants his kid there etc…

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 12/01/2024 16:19

I think your suggestion sounds perfect. If DP makes a big fuss about 2 yo being there ask him if he realises he'll need to head home at 9pm (or whatever time) to put them to bed while you relax ane continue on the party with friends.

Pickles2023 · 12/01/2024 16:22

Whatever you decide get a babysitter or invest in paying for somesort of sitter...

At our wedding our 8 month old was teething..my mum said she would look after her and help for the day...

On the morning she bailed..

Trying to get ready with a baby screaming on your lap was stressful..then her dad had to rush over to pick her up as the make up lady couldnt proceed..to then find 10 mins prior to the wedding he hadnt even got in his suit 😅 we were late to our own wedding, i forgot my bouquet and that was the start of a stressful day...it got worse haha

Tinkerbyebye · 12/01/2024 16:25

I think your idea sounds great. However if he insists then you tell him he is on charge of the kids, getting them there and home and looking after them so you can have a good time ( and as you will responsibly at the actual wedding)

if he agrees and the kids come to you, you send them to him to deal with

Peachy2005 · 12/01/2024 17:15

He’s being ridiculous insisting on a 2 year old being there. If he can’t see that, good luck with the rest of the planning! If he insists, have that be the only child coming and warn him that he will have to leave with child at 7pm or whatever is bedtime. But honestly, he doesn’t seem to give a FF about your enjoyment of this pre-wedding party (from the little bit you’ve shared here) so if you feel strongly about it, I would put my foot down on this point or cancel it - otherwise you’ll be giving in to what he wants forever more. If he is going to be all butt-hurt when it isn’t even the real wedding, I feel bad for you. Good luck!

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