To not want my own kids at my wedding reception

[Rafalito]

Bear with me… this is more complicated than I’ve led you to believe.

I have 2 older kids (13,10) with my ex and a 2 yr old with my current partner. We’re getting married abroad summer 2025 in a tiny wedding with closest friends and family - a week long thing - obviously kids invited (mine will walk me down the aisle!)

This summer we’ve decided to have a large ‘reception’ for all friends (some very spurious!) in UK. Evening, few hours, drinks, food, band etc. Due to unforeseen circumstances my eldest is going to be away on the date we’ve sent out. Initially shocked I then actually began to think how liberating it would be for me to enjoy a party without any kids at all to hang off me, ask for stuff, throw up, follow me around etc. I’ve come around to really quite wanting it to be ‘no kids’ and neither of my older two mind at all because they know the ‘real’ wedding is abroad next summer.

My other half is really upset and wants to change it all so they (and other) kids can come. I genuinely want advice - AIBU to want a celebration where I have no responsibilities? They all come to me not him and from experience I know ‘taking them home’ etc will fall on me. I love the idea of being able to go on after with some friends and even get a hotel that night! Am I being selfish?

Absolutely not being unreasonable at all we all love our kids but it's OK to have some time off too it's one night where you can let your hair down and have fun.

It was more about their joint 2 year old. But as usual MN straight to the step kids being most important!! 🤣

Obviously your partner's opinion matters just as much as yours does, but I don't think the idea of a child-free reception is a bad one. I once babysat a child during his parents wedding. We came to the church after the ceremony so he could be in a couple of photos and then I took him home again. The parents loved not having to bother with toddler tantrums on their special day 😅

The older kids aren't fussed, and the two year old is...2, and probably wouldn't enjoy staying up late out of routine etc. Does your partner feel the older kids don't accept him? Don't really see why you need to ban everyone else's kids to enjoy yourself, though.
Perhaps partner would be happy to organise a crèche facility at the party if he's so minded?

Crazy isn't it. Also the lack of comprehension is concerning.

Glad it is sorted OP, have a great time.

Personally, I think on this occasion, its OK for you and your partner to let your hair down. If the eldest two are ok with it, the toddler will know no different and they have the week long celebrations to look forward to. Sit your fella down, explain you want a night of fun with your family and friends were you can BOTH celebrate without worrying about the kids. Tell him how much it means to you. Do this in a calm manner on a relaxed occasion when you are both mellow, stress free and sober. Adults are allowed to do adult type things unfettered with kids if they have appropriate care for the kids. Enjoy your celebration! Big hugs! X

It sounds like an engagement party more than a wedding reception. I don't think your in the wrong. You do the work so you will be the one whose night gets ruined if one gets ill or who can't enjoy the night.

My kids were invited to a wedding recently. I thanked the bride then asked would she mind if I left them home as so me and DH could relax and enjoy ourselves. She was fine with this (plus it saved her money).

Ha are you new to weddings?, It is a joke but I am surprised grooms are invited

Is the party an entire year before the wedding really wise? Imagine splitting up (which realistically could happen as it sounds like DH is a bit of a shitehouse tbh) before the real wedding mortifying. I'd be raising eyebrows at that invite for sure. Glad you've got your way through.

😂😂men

Do you talk to people like this in real life?

Tell him he's welcome to stay home with them.

If you can't agree on this and tbh either way will cause resentment. Then I'd probably just cancel the whole thing. It's not worth the arguing.

Glad it is all resolved, have a lovely time.

X posted. Jolly good. Enjoy your party.

Well done @Rafalito you have handled this well. As in so many good suggestions from husbands/ partners, they suddenly change their minds when they find out they have to do the work / be inconvenienced.

It’s so easy to be generous with other peoples time.

See also - having houseguests for long visits, hosting large events at your house, having all his mates over, moving elderly relatives into your home, having another baby.

YANBU in my opinion.

We did something similar-ish. We got married with a really small group of our close family and friends (14 of us in total, including our 3 kids) then had a ‘reception’ a week later.

This was in a hotel, so I organised a babysitter to come and sit in our hotel room and be available if any of the kids wanted to go upstairs for a break. Kids were, 8, 5 and 3 at the time. I am SO glad I did this. Kids were very overwhelmed by the party, as soon as the babysitter arrived they were desperate to go upstairs to play, watch a movie then they fell asleep cuddling by the time we went up. That was from about 9pm, so 2 hours of them at the reception.

Is this perhaps something you can organise for your 2 year old in particular? Then you can relax knowing toddler is entertained and cared for so you can let your hair down a bit!

I have never heard of a wedding reception a year before the actual wedding.

It's clearly juts a party so arrange it for when your children can attend.

If your DP is insistent on them coming how about looking into hiring a nanny / babysitter for them to be looked after for the evening? So if they need to go home etc they can do and you can enjoy yourself but they don't miss out on the party :) everyone is happy. Could even do them a little wedding crafts table to do with the nanny to make you some keepsakes x

Have you actually said that to him? That it's easy for him to say he want them there when he doesn't have to lift a finger to sort them as you do it all? He's 'disney dad' by the sound of it while you sort all the logistics (food, clothes, toilets, behaviour, the constant 'muuuummmy, can you...?s', etc. And you need some grown up time, too, celebrating. Just like he gets by default every time.

I think you need to lay it out for him.

Stand your ground and explain what you did to us that he leaves it all to you so there will
be no kids.
Do you have childcare for the other two though?

Tell your partner to bring the kids under the condition he takes care of them and that you won't be responding to any child.

@muggart

i would say it’s harsh to expect op to be the sole person looking after kids at her own party. If op said he pulled his weight in such situations it would be a different story.

YANBU op

don’t have the kids there regardless of what your partner says! Let your hair down, drink lots of fizz and PARTY!

I'd be annoyed to be invited as a "spurious" guest to a wedding party that's not actually a wedding and have to show up with a gift.

@teudent

try reading OP’s posts. She wants a child free party. Shock horror - parents can want a child free party and it can happen!

Hire a babysitter/kids entertainer for the whole day.

Is eldest upset at not being there?