Men and their fucking man flu

[Floofydawg]

My DH has been ill for a couple of weeks. Has anti biotics for a chest infection. He's off work and trying to get better. I do sympathise. However, he is a fucking grumpy bastard and it appears I'm not allowed to a) disagree with him about anything or b) ask him to do anything around the house, however minor. I'm doing my best, honestly I am. But I'm working and running around like an idiot cooking meals for him and keeping the house running while he sits on the sofa under the duvet of doom. Is it just men who expect the world to stop when they're ill or am I being unsympathetic?

That's life though. There are ebbs and flows. Sometimes you will need to do a bit more sometimes he will.

If you have a decent partner they will do the same back for you.

What stuff though? Not talking about having to manage kids or take them somewhere. Genuinely what stuff is so important that needs to be done? Cleaning? Shopping?

I swear next time I'm I'll
I'm going to fuck off upstairs to bed and absolutely stay there.

That's what dh does without any thought of house pets kids etc

I spend my I'll days downstairs on the sofa in between feeding pets,emptying and refilling dishwasher,putting another load of washing on and folding what's in the tumble dryer,sorting food out in advance so dc get fed etc

It's a fucking mind boggler to me

Last week dh had a sore throat for two days and on both days he just did fuck all

I had covid for 8 days and still got everything sorted.

Children get colds, men get flu, women get on with it!
You have our sympathies

Well as alluded to above, statistically, women take more sick days off work then men. And if we are doing anecdotes, in my experience it is mostly women who take three days off sick as they are 'feeling a little bit poorly' or 'have a bit of a sore throat'. Personally, if you are properly ill I would rather you stay at home and not bring your germs to the workplace rather then try and be some hero/martyr.

Well you chose to, you could of taken yourself off to bed so why didn't you?

Good for challenging. I wonder if more people dismd that it would help?

🤣🤣🤣

I feel very different about this.
I recall having a pulled muscle. I knew it was a pulled muscle as I had a tightness in my chest and tingling. This happened when I had a lot on and it then occurred it might not be a muscle pull but something more serious.

What I did next was nothing. Had I been single, I would have gone to the doctor, but because I was in a relationship it would either be something serious, in which case the "manflu" thing would have added to my stress and likely made it worse. Or it was nothing in which case I would still get all the "manflu" stuff for nothing.
It actually was a muscle pull. I saved the doctor's time, but I am sure other men have not been so lucky.

On a more trivial basis, it is poison to a relationship. I recall when I cared for my SO other when we both had flu, going out and getting food and groceries when I would rather have laid in bed and done without, but she needed stuff. It was decades ago, but I remember her even now her complaining to her friends about how she had to care for me while I whined.

In contrast, when I moved abroad I had a SO wonder why on Earth I was covering up feeling unwell and my current wife accepted I was unwell and even brought me porridge for breakfast rather than seeing I was off and suggesting chores. That is a golden memory.

Also, there will be some men who really are whiners and abusers and sometimes their SO will not know it is not normal.

I expect to be told my perception is off, but I recall a Danish SO telling the British women who were having a conversation like this one(we were visiting) that I was very stoic when ill and did not make a fuss. She came to me wondering why she got poisonous looks.

I can see it is easy to feel let down or even betrayed when your man is unwell, but this is part of British culture that I am glad to have left behind.

I had a chest infection last year that required two lots of antibiotics to shift it. I felt dreadful. I did get up because staying in bed too long can cause problems, but I didn't have the energy to do anything.

I felt so dreadful, I was probably quite tetchy as well. Unless there's a back story here, I think you are being pretty unpleasant to him. Also, this kind of illness, and the antibiotics, can leave you feeling low and depressed. Cosset him a bit, unless you really don't care.

Maybe a decade ago it was different but we are in the age where you can simply download Deliveroo and have someone go to the shop and buy you whatever you need! Ok it costs money but at least there is always that option. You can even hire a cleaner too. There is so much that can be outsourced if all this stuff is so important and you are willing to pay that you can just take yourself off to bed.

It really depends. I’ve been sick since mid November and some days are terrible and I really can’t do anything. My energy is completely gone and even completing small tasks leaves me exhausted. I’m sleeping around 15-18 hours per day right now. I’m absolutely fed up of it. Thankfully I now seem to be turning a corner but it’s the most sick I’ve been in my life. It’s been entirely respiratory. So if your DH has something similar, he really does have my sympathies.

I find they always come down with it after you have had to get on with it unwell yourself caring for sick kids. Kids get better then suddenly dad is sick and can't possibly do a ring and needs you to care for him despite not caring for you when you were sick. I once faked a flu to get out of a busy social weekend after a busy working week- ex then 'caught it' and needed waiting on a couple days later lol

It's interesting to get a perspective from outside the British culture on this.

My view is that much of the issue here is self-inflicted by the women who are complaining about it in that they don't take the time to care for themselves while ill and don't trust their partners to step up and support them so they feel betrayed when the men in their lives do do these things.

There will always be piss-takers, but this trope that all men are fucking useless when they are ill is simply wrong and doesn't really help anyone. The old "dressing gown of doom" thing is just getting old. I know plenty of women who will shuffle about in PJs and dressing gowns when properly ill too. I also know far too many women that won't stop and actually drag out illnesses far too long as a result just constantly feeling like shite rather than actually taking a rest - that is not admirable behaviour.

What I do find interesting though is that whilst it seem to be women who complain about this all the time. It is men who are much more likely to leave a relationship if their partner gets seriously ill.

I think there is often a problem when discussing things that we are assuming that we are normal for our sex.
I have seen enough to be convinced that manflu in Britain is pretty much nonsense. I learnt to cover up if I was unwell and the idea that there was a big incentive to exaggerate seems nonsense to me. But there will be men who really do get away with it and we will still agree with each other if we discuss it, assuming our experience are similar.
I read two things in places like The Guardian. Firstly, men are more likely to leave if their partner gets ill. Secondly, that in the event of job loss or serious illness, women are much more likely to keep their marraige together despite these things.
The thought of leaving a sick wife (having stood by in a relationship with great illness) seems horrific to me, but I have experienced women consider illness a betrayal of them. Were I a woman with the same outlook, I might have experienced looking after a man and having other men act in the opposite way.
I think you have to be a bisexual in a lot of relationships to get a balanced view point!

In over a decade, I have had 1 illness that has completely floored me and left me incapable of even microwaving some dinner for the kids. (It was hand foot and mouth and it was BAD). I am lucky that I am quite healthy and that coughs and colds, whilst frequent, rarely knock me for six. I can’t remember the last time I couldn’t shift a cough or even had so much as a gum infection.

Meanwhile, my husband is a definite duvet-dayweek type.

But he’s pretty good. If I get so much as a sniffle, he takes on some of “my” stuff, without being asked and increases the amount of kid stuff he does - bath times, bedtimes etc. Plus, he keeps me in Lemsips.

I don’t take myself off to bed, but I get an easier time of it for the week.

I think this little routine began after my first childbirth and it’s quite nice. It does make me feel loved.

Totally not the point of the thread and I'm glad to hear of a man pulling his weight, but "a nourishing soup" is being added to my MN handbook of ick phrases.

Thing is everyone is different, just because you carry on doesn't mean others do.
I used to be the person who would soldier on but as I get older I am like why? Why is anything I need to do that important and I soldier on when really I am ill and my body needs rest. Obviously as I get over something I will start doing more things mostly out of boredom, I won't wait until I'm 100% well.

Besides isn't that the advice mostly, get rest to give your body the most energy to fight the infection etc.

He sounds like he’s being a complete dick re
“it’s the way you ask”. That’s always the resort of someone being unreasonable!

If you have no children though, can you not just ignore him?

That’s what I have to do as a single parent - if I’m too ill to cook, I have to order takeaway or easy food in. OK I have a teenager as well as the younger one but they can’t be expected to do everything whilst having their GCSEs to work towards etc.

If I need OTC meds, they won’t sell them to a teen (15) so those have to be ordered too.

Lucky we live in London really!

Me too. I don’t allow sofa lying and not doing anything - only for DC when younger!

If you’re that ill, go to bed. And I’ve never heard that if you can walk downstairs to the sofa you still can’t stuff clothes in the machine and switch it on.

You have my sympathies .

I think this is a false comparison really.

There are times when I know I could “soldier on” at work if I could rest completely in the evenings and then only get up in time for work the next day, but actually can’t because I’ve got kids to look after. So have to let work take a hit for a day so that I can get better and be able to care for my children. If I carry on doing both fully, I’d end up much iller.

You don't allow it - wow how controlling, isn't it his house and sofa too.

Women have wombs. They tend to play up a bit.

Who's sofa is it? You sound incredibly controlling.