Men and their fucking man flu

[Floofydawg]

My DH has been ill for a couple of weeks. Has anti biotics for a chest infection. He's off work and trying to get better. I do sympathise. However, he is a fucking grumpy bastard and it appears I'm not allowed to a) disagree with him about anything or b) ask him to do anything around the house, however minor. I'm doing my best, honestly I am. But I'm working and running around like an idiot cooking meals for him and keeping the house running while he sits on the sofa under the duvet of doom. Is it just men who expect the world to stop when they're ill or am I being unsympathetic?

What? That's incredibly controlling.

Why? Why does being ill mean you have to be in bed all the time? Why can't a person be on the sofa is they want for how ever long they need to? Unless it means you can't sit on it because they are laying down. If you didn't have a partner and you were ill would you just stay in bed all day?

Yes me too. I give him sympathy and a complete pass on anything while he’s ill. He does the same for me.

He does his share round the house when he’s well though without being nagged so guess OP might have had issues with previous “man flu” episodes and this is a case of boy who cried wolf.

OP, I’d give him a pass for being ill as he’s on antibiotics and it sounds bad. He doesn’t get a pass for talking to you like shit especially if that happens when he’s well.

It just seems like a lot of frustration over quite minor things.
The only way this would piss me off is if I knew he wouldn't be willing to do the same for me, or if he was taking his frustration with being ill out on me, or...if I didn't like him very much

It would just drive me mad if someone was on the sofa. Especially if they were suffering from something snotty. I’d rather them in bed where I couldn’t see them 😬

I would provide check-ins/drinks if required.

Obvs, if partnerless, you could do whatever.

Fair enough, I just find it strange because its their house to so who is anyone to tell the other where they should or shouldn't be in the house

Then just don't look at them!

Think you might want to upgrade yourself from a Travelodge to a nice spa!

This is a you problem. If I'm ill I am going to sit where I please in my own house thanks. (It's usually the sofa or my office. Never bed.)

A chest infection can really wipe you out, I had pneumonia 14 months ago and to be honest I still haven’t recovered my energy levels since. I’m 30 years old, healthy BMI and never smoked, it really did knock the life out of me.

Merrily went off to work? Or, to put it another way, worked to pay the bills

What's he like when you're ill? Does he do everything and let you lie around all day?

UABU. I think your husbands grumpiness is coming from your lack of empathy. I would be very pissed off if I was sick and my partner asked me open spare room curtains. Why are you looking for him to complete needless tasks when hes not well, if the spare room curtains are bothering you why not just open them yourself.

OK will take all your comments on board and cut him some slack. Thanks for the feedback. But on the other hand he needs to stop taking massive offense to everything - it works both ways.

I get chest infections every winter. Sometimes they last months. I've had double pneumonia, too, and yes, I was hospitalised for that so I know it can get bad. But when it's just a chest infection, guess what I don't do? Lie on the sofa moaning for days. I get on with life, because there is stuff to do.

His attitude is rubbish though, I'd not be able to put up with that. As you can probably tell, I'm not very sympathetic unless someone is really ill.

It does but again I'd cut him slack for that as once an illness goes on a bit it can just get frustrating and draining. As long as its just being a bit grumpy I think that's understandable as you are also fed up with it. Anger or aggressive behaviour is out of order.

The whole 'man flu' thing has become a bit of a lazy MN trope. I get it, some people exaggerate minor ailments as if they have bubonic plague but in my experience men are generally conditioned to 'solider on' and not make a fuss even when they are clearly ill. This is represented statistically where women take more sick days off per year then men. Personally I would not wish a proper dose of flu on anyone, it is bloody hideous, the hot and cold sweats, the aching joints, the zero energy, crap sleep, loss of appetite and utter boredom. If your first instinct when your partner is ill is to start dishing out chores and getting irritated because they are wheezy and snotty (i.e. ill) then perhaps that relationship had run its course.

Same here. But I guess people like us don't post as much because we don't need advice, sympathy or to vent

Women are probably idiots for NOT doing what men do- I started ‘getting on with it recently’ when I had a chest infection and I collapsed. And my dh was brilliant before I did- I just couldn’t bear to hand everything off. Fair dues to him for taking my ‘just one more thing, did you check/ do x, y or z’ along with my ‘oh god I feellll soooo baaaaad. I hate being sick!’ Take some time for yourself op but give him a break too!!!

is he normally so grouchy ? If its just atm I'd just keep communicating to a minimum hes probably just feeling irritated because of the infection.

My rule in life, which I will never deviate from, is that I treat those close to me how they treat me. How someone treats me when I'm sick is how I treat them.

Men always got 1 chance of me taking good care of them with sympathy and bringing cups of tea etc, if that wasn't returned next time I was unwell I then behaved to them exactly as they had to me. If they did nothing for me/expected me to crack on with my share of things while sick then that worked both ways.

How is your husband towarda you when you're sick? I'm not getting the impression he wraps you up in a blanket and brings you cups of tea telling you not to worry about any household stuff because he's got it all....if that's the case then point it out.

The whole 'man flu' thing has become a bit of a lazy MN trope.
I kindly disagree. I had an ex (surprise, surprise) who took three days off work because he had a snively nose. Three days. For a runny nose.

Also man flu isn't just an MN thing. I hear it referred to by everyone I know.

Mines in bed with the flu unless dd is off to the kindergarden or in the evening when she's gone to bed. THEN he suddenly comes down and talks to me. Taking away my only moment of peace.

He is really sick, high fever and all that, but it's still annoying. Having a sick spouse is annoying in general I guess. The whole idea of having no backup with extra work and cleaning/washing/feeding to do.

They do all that till you have children. Then you're stuck because it's not bad enough to break up the family home over and divorced you'll still be ill without help.