To be upset by health visitor comment?

Squashie · 2024-01-10T23:17:29+00:00

I took 3 month old DS to be weighed today and he was chewing on his hands (which he has been constantly doing for the last few weeks) and she commented “he’s clearly hungry, mummy must be starving you”. He had just had a big bottle 20 mins prior and I know the comment was probably made in jest but thinking about it when I got home I think it’s not really the right thing for them to be saying even as a joke? Baby is weighing well on 50th centile but I’m really struggling with PND and have really taken this to heart

anarchicparadise · 10/01/2024 23:18

it was just a joke

Quitelikeit · 10/01/2024 23:19

It was just conversation- I’m not patronising you but believe me when I say you’re hormonal

Wolfiefan · 10/01/2024 23:19

Oh OP that was a thoughtless comment. Her rubbish attempt at humour. Bless you. PND sucks. But she clearly wasn’t looking at your baby and thinking he was starved. I do hope you’re getting all the help you need. You’re doing a great job. Ignore daftness.

Guibhyl · 10/01/2024 23:20

It was probably a joke but it’s the sort of joke you would expect a random person in the supermarket or on the bus to make. Not a qualified health visitor who should be more aware of the potential for you to be suffering from PND or otherwise sensitive about baby’s weight. It’s a weigh in clinic so chances are there’s going to be some anxious parents attending as some will be very worried about baby not gaining enough or having problems with feeding etc. I’d put in a complaint personally.

Thegoodbadandugly · 10/01/2024 23:20

She would obviously know your not starving him due to the amount of weight he's putting on, try not to take things to heart.

whatsitcalledwhen · 10/01/2024 23:20

I think a HV should be more mindful at a time that mums are likely to be feeling vulnerable and worried about whether they’re doing things ‘right’. It was thoughtless rather than nasty but I don’t blame you for your reaction. FYI our little one is a similar age and that mannerism has turned out to be early teething! Something worth looking into as we were giving her extra feeds thinking she was hungry and it made her more sicky than normal. Turns out it was teething and we are now helping her with that thank goodness!

EmilyTjP · 10/01/2024 23:21

Guibhyl · 10/01/2024 23:20

It was probably a joke but it’s the sort of joke you would expect a random person in the supermarket or on the bus to make. Not a qualified health visitor who should be more aware of the potential for you to be suffering from PND or otherwise sensitive about baby’s weight. It’s a weigh in clinic so chances are there’s going to be some anxious parents attending as some will be very worried about baby not gaining enough or having problems with feeding etc. I’d put in a complaint personally.

What a ridiculous overreaction!

ScierraDoll · 10/01/2024 23:22

It was a joke.

Fionaville · 10/01/2024 23:22

People say really silly things when talking about/to babies and children, in an effort to be lighthearted. She probably says it to every baby chewing their hands, so for her it could be 10 times a day!
It probably won't be the last time someone says something annoying to or about your child. Either reply according or don't take it to heart.

WhatsInStoreFor2024 · 10/01/2024 23:23

A joke

SwordToFlamethrower · 10/01/2024 23:24

Jokes have a punchline. Make a complaint

Mumoftwo1312 · 10/01/2024 23:24

Hand chewing is not a sign of hunger, it's developmental.

I think I've met about around 10 HVs in total so far with my two kids and only one was what I'd call sensible or helpful. The others were all varying levels of unhelpful.

Last time I had an appt with one about a week ago, dh gave me a pep talk beforehand "Just nod and ignore ok? No need to justify or explain. Say 'yes I'll consider that' to whatever she says. Don't get into an argument!"

Surprisingly that was the one helpful HV

Hankunamatata · 10/01/2024 23:25

It's a joke. He clearly isn't starved as you wouldn't take him to be weighed.

mrsmacmc · 10/01/2024 23:29

Thoughtless comment but hard to deflect them sometimes! 💖

DeeIee · 10/01/2024 23:32

Just a joke

Mumoftwo1312 · 10/01/2024 23:32

For example once when dd was 2yo, I fished out some paper and a biro to keep my dd occupied during the appointment. Dd immediately starts scribbling happily on the paper. The HV gave her some crayons instead and told us both that my dd might stab herself in the eye with the biro. Dd looked up with a WTF expression because she'd been using biros for months and would never have considered stabbing herself in the eye. Dd then said something like "can I still use normal pens at home mummy" and I told her the HV made a mistake because "pens aren't for stabbing are they dd?", which made her (the HV) get defensive "I'm just trying to help you" - don't put ideas like that in a kid's head! They just feel they have to comment! And so of course I got into an argument with her. Not my finest hour in hindsight

Guibhyl · 10/01/2024 23:34

@EmilyTjP not sure if you’re aware but people who are struggling with their mental health can be quite sensitive to these kinds of comments. Similarly new mums who are worried about their baby’s weight. Random strangers can’t be expected to know this kind of thing but trained healthcare professionals should know better. It doesn’t have to be a “this woman should lose her job!” Type complaint, it could just be a “this comment was made to me and I thought you should be aware that it affected me a lot as I have PND and I feel HVs should be more sensitive to this possibility”.

branken · 10/01/2024 23:37

When I breastfed in the early days my son gained weight really quickly week on week, then plateaued. When I switched to formula at 5m just before returning to work, he started gaining more quickly again. A health visitor said "well he will now your artificially feeding him". I complained. It transpired I wasn't the only complainant and she swiftly disappeared from the service in our area.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 10/01/2024 23:39

She was just being flippant, probably trying to get a chuckle from you.

"You're not feeding your baby properly, (then spending 20 minutes banging on about how to feed a baby)" is more their style if they're actually criticising you.

Try not to take it to heart. Are you getting help for the PND? The HV can be a great resource for this if she's aware of the issue.

SparklyOwls · 10/01/2024 23:41

I remember the health visitor saying I smelt of sick and I probably can't smell it anymore as I've got used to it. Was absolutely stunned!

SisterMichaelsHabit · 10/01/2024 23:43

branken · 10/01/2024 23:37

When I breastfed in the early days my son gained weight really quickly week on week, then plateaued. When I switched to formula at 5m just before returning to work, he started gaining more quickly again. A health visitor said "well he will now your artificially feeding him". I complained. It transpired I wasn't the only complainant and she swiftly disappeared from the service in our area.

What a shame your local over-stretched free and optional NHS HV service lost a highly-trained and skilled member of staff due to her opinion on breastfeeding. It would have been more appropriate for them to work with her to improve her manner and educate her on science or nutrition. I haven't been able to get anyone to do DD's developmental checks for the last 14 months, it's probably because half of them have given up due to things like this.
Throwing the baby out with the bathwater indeed.

SnowBotherer · 10/01/2024 23:44

Guibhyl · 10/01/2024 23:20

It was probably a joke but it’s the sort of joke you would expect a random person in the supermarket or on the bus to make. Not a qualified health visitor who should be more aware of the potential for you to be suffering from PND or otherwise sensitive about baby’s weight. It’s a weigh in clinic so chances are there’s going to be some anxious parents attending as some will be very worried about baby not gaining enough or having problems with feeding etc. I’d put in a complaint personally.

guibhyl

report 🙄🙄🙄🤣🤣🤣

most of them are useless, best save the reporting fir their downright dangerous 'advice' not their 'jokes'

@Squashie I'd have gently jabbed at one of baby's limbs or tummy & said 'yep starved, definitely' 🤣🤣

PND must be dreadful but start practising you confidence on these people who don't matter.

HV's are a mixed bag, I think the best ones lurk on MN (there genuinely seems to be some decent ones) However 'out in the wild' they're as useless as square wheels on a bike, or worse, some are downright dangerous.

Its a common comment though when babies are gnawing on their hands/toys/feet, so don't take it to heart.

Fueledbycoffeealways · 10/01/2024 23:48

I had similar. I asked to switch HV. Never saw the woman again. Always made comments about feeding, especially because the baby wasn't breastfed. Give us a break. You're doing great OP.

Tothemoonandbackx · 10/01/2024 23:49

I remember a HV coming to the house once to do of they routine checks they do, at this point, she was pulling herself up on the settee and coffee table, she had to be naked for her weigh in, and she pulled herself up on the coffee table and the HV said.....'ooohhh, look at all her cellulite (dimples and wrinkles in my opinion) thought it was an odd choice of word to use, wasn't offended, just surprised she used cellulite and not dimples Xx

reflecting2023 · 10/01/2024 23:50

It was a stupid thing to say! What was she thinking