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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think there's nothing wrong with early mat leave?

202 replies

bluesign · 10/01/2024 15:14

I'm starting mine at 34 weeks. Well technically I'll be using up annual leave before it officially starts at 37 weeks but have had a few raised eyebrows from colleagues saying it's early! It's not really though is it?

It seems the expectation amongst people at my company is to work as long as possible before the baby is due. I understand some people prefer to do this, but I can think of nothing worse than working up to 38-39 weeks. Why should I struggle through the last few weeks if I don't have to?

I can think of nothing better than doing absolutely as little as possible before baby comes.

34 weeks isn't early is it?

OP posts:
Lelophants · 10/01/2024 17:41

I actually did similar, although started 36/37 weeks. Work was so tough on my I was exhausted and barely coping. It’s always hard going back after having a child, but those few weeks before birth you will never get back and im so glad I finally had time to recover, relax and sort everything for the baby. It was beyond lovely.

Lelophants · 10/01/2024 17:42

bluesign · 10/01/2024 16:57

Btw this is not my first so am familiar with how hard it is to go back after ML, I had to return after 6 months with DC1 which was hard but needs must! This time is different. Taking the full year and going back PT so will be able to spend more time with the baby

Then I definitely get you - especially if you have another child at home. Take the time!

lemonjuicer · 10/01/2024 17:43

I started mat leave with my first at 34 weeks, was a good decision for me. I got a few snidey comments but you should do what works for you and your family.

Brefugee · 10/01/2024 17:45

bluesign · 10/01/2024 15:14

I'm starting mine at 34 weeks. Well technically I'll be using up annual leave before it officially starts at 37 weeks but have had a few raised eyebrows from colleagues saying it's early! It's not really though is it?

It seems the expectation amongst people at my company is to work as long as possible before the baby is due. I understand some people prefer to do this, but I can think of nothing worse than working up to 38-39 weeks. Why should I struggle through the last few weeks if I don't have to?

I can think of nothing better than doing absolutely as little as possible before baby comes.

34 weeks isn't early is it?

Enjoy it, OP.

Here you have to stop work (legally - unless self employed) 6 weeks before your due date and you aren't allowed to return until 8 weeks after the birth (12 weeks for multiples or preemies)

Janedoelondon · 10/01/2024 17:55

Also OP - I get it the other way. I am finishing at 39 weeks (day before c section) and get loads of people telling me how mad I am finishing so late! You just can't win!!

You do what is right for you!

RoseMarigoldViolet · 10/01/2024 18:11

I think the reason people try to work up until the birth (even if it’s a struggle) is so that they can have more paid time with the baby. Many people find it hard to return to work and leave their baby so having longer can feel better.

Zanatdy · 10/01/2024 18:13

I did 37wks, couldn’t do longer as I was in the office 5 days a week then, commuting in london with DD. DS was born at 38wks and DD 40wks but I’d have rather had those precious few weeks with baby than sitting around waiting to give birth. 3wks was bad enough

DrMadelineMaxwell · 10/01/2024 18:41

I took my first mat leave at 34 weeks on the basis that I was born 6 weeks early, even though that doesn't really predict anything.
Then was glad I did as I gave birth 4 weeks early.

Did the same with DD 2, and again had her 4 weeks early.

Lelophants · 10/01/2024 19:46

Brefugee · 10/01/2024 17:45

Enjoy it, OP.

Here you have to stop work (legally - unless self employed) 6 weeks before your due date and you aren't allowed to return until 8 weeks after the birth (12 weeks for multiples or preemies)

Where are you?

annahay · 10/01/2024 20:08

My waters broke at 34+6. I wish I'd gone on mat leave 'early' as I got zero time between work and baby coming.

Stressedoutforever · 10/01/2024 20:09

I went at 28 weeks with DC2, was hugely struggling and only returned to work for 6 weeks between my mat leaves.
Went at 34 weeks with 2 weeks holiday with DC1

Popcorn23 · 10/01/2024 22:54

I took Mat Leave at 33 weeks! Had some health issues and wanted to enjoy my time doing hobbies and going on day trips before baby came. I still think it was worth it.

MuggleMe · 10/01/2024 23:04

I'd like to think a risk assessment would allow you to WFH full time. If you're happy with the extra you'll be paying for childcare by having less time off after baby is born I don't blame you with another child already. No need to start newborn life already exhausted.

NewYearNewNameOldMe · 10/01/2024 23:07

I had four weeks at home before the baby came. It wasn't my original plan but I was stressed at work, cried in front of the midwife one day and baby didn't grow for nearly two weeks. In the end the midwife said I should start mat leave early or she'd sign me off sick which would amount to the same thing anyway.

It was a bit long for my preference, I think two or three weeks would have been fine in my situation but it wasn't worth the risk.

Al991 · 10/01/2024 23:18

I recently had my first and worked up to 38 weeks which I regret! Should have gone off earlier and spent time resting rather than exhausting myself. Do what you want to!

MsCactus · 10/01/2024 23:30

I mean, my mum was on bed rest from 28 weeks, had to take mat leave at 27 weeks. I worked until 37 weeks (but took lots of weeks holiday from 34 weeks onwards, so barely worked) - she thought I was mad working so late

MsCactus · 10/01/2024 23:32

MsCactus · 10/01/2024 23:30

I mean, my mum was on bed rest from 28 weeks, had to take mat leave at 27 weeks. I worked until 37 weeks (but took lots of weeks holiday from 34 weeks onwards, so barely worked) - she thought I was mad working so late

She was sad about taking it so early tho - said she wished she'd had more time at the end. But not everyone gets a choice!

Heartofglass12345 · 10/01/2024 23:57

I really struggled with pregnancy and had my first at 30 weeks so with my second I went off at 31 weeks which is probably a good job as he was born at 33!
It's up to you, it'll give you time to prepare.

ToRecordOnlyWater · 11/01/2024 00:15

I think I finished working at 36 weeks, planned CS at 39+1 in the end. Those few weeks, while I may regret it at the end of mat leave, were wonderful. Finished blitzing the house, watched a load of TV shows and spent time with DH before we became a family of three. I’d been adamant I would work for longer but eventually the commute became too much, I am a tattooist and the long days having to sit hunched over with baby kicking in my ribs, kneeling to apply stencils etc. it was all too much (and was during the heatwave last year too). My bump measured 7 weeks ahead sizewise the whole pregnancy so was like a walking bowling ball!

Brefugee · 11/01/2024 07:30

Lelophants · 10/01/2024 19:46

Where are you?

oh sorry! pertinent info left out. I'm in Germany. You also have a minimum of 1 year parental leave (you can split with the other parent however you like) and most companies have generous allowances for the father (or adoptive parents). One of my colleagues just had 4 weeks off for a baby, free, gratis and for nothing. When his wife goes back to work after a year, he's taking at least 6 months parental leave.

Brefugee · 11/01/2024 07:32

lemonjuicer · 10/01/2024 17:43

I started mat leave with my first at 34 weeks, was a good decision for me. I got a few snidey comments but you should do what works for you and your family.

that would have made my slapping hand twitch.

Willmafrockfit · 11/01/2024 07:43

i passed my driving test, bought a car, moved house, in the last 6 weeks, which meant i was a driver when ds arrived

Brefugee · 11/01/2024 07:45

with my first i was laying carpet tiles in our new place (moved in the 6 weeks i was off) at 40+4 in the morning, and was induced in the afternoon.

We are all different and we must be allowed to make our own decisions about these things.

But i do wish the British government would give you much more time.

fairymary87 · 11/01/2024 07:53

I didn't care, I went off early. I had surgery at 23 weeks and again at 34 weeks... spent the whole time recovering and moving. You never know what's around the corner. Screw them.

Wherewithout · 11/01/2024 08:56

I started mat leave at 38 weeks and got loads of raised eyebrows from people at work saying I was cutting it a bit fine! So I think either way people will comment, just do what’s right for you. I was so anxious during pregnancy I found that having work to focus on was really helpful, but I do also have a work from home desk based job so it was easy enough to keep myself comfortable. If I had a more physical job I definitely would have gone off sooner!

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