If you’re in a stressful job how do you not let it affect you out of work?

[Cloud44]

Ive always admired people in stressful / busy jobs who seem to have a enjoyable life outside of work. Can anyone give me any tips?!

Wine, my dear, wine. Or gin.
DH and I both had very stressful jobs at one stage, it was amazing how a shared bottle of red over dinner put it all into perspective.
P.s. I no longer go out to work and hardly drink at all now.

Got a dog. Always happy to see me when I get home, always cheers me up.
Got his photo as screensaver so makes me smile through out the day. Drags you outdoors.

If I was hit by a bus tomorrow the company I work for would continue without a blip. People would be sad (maybe 😂) but that is the reality. So that's how I treat work in return. I put my efforts into it when I'm there don't get me wrong I've a strong work ethic and pride for my job, but outside of work I put myself where the big bus would leave a massive gap and that is where I focus my energy. My husband, kids and family!

I also have a work phone and I am very strict that I do not share my personal mobile number with anyone from work. (Minus boss for welfare reasons etc). My phone is turned off when I leave work and on again the next day when I arrive.

Try and have a growth mindset to dampen how I respond to stress so I feel it less. I used to have things planned in the evenings to help me switch off but I have young kids so that is now difficult, but I recently introduced a morning workout before work which helps.

Omg this! They might name a meeting room after you (if you're lucky) but that's about it

I have good days and bad days!

but what has helped is walking Home from work - blasting music! It takes about an hour and by the time i reach home I have just about forgotten about work - most days!

but I do confess to the 3am wake ups - the rehearsing difficult conversations to myself over the weekends. Avoiding newspapers over the weekend!

I’m good at what I do and I’m efficient. Very efficient. I can do things in 10% of the time it would take someone else. Gives me time to check it, polish it etc and when I finally hand it back - I’m still 50% under the time of someone else and yet my result is better. So it helps if you are good at your job- mine you need a certain brain for. And I just have it. It was a skill I have not learnt - I just have.

I don’t really socialise with work colleagues outside of work and rarely communicate with them. I’m polite and drink tea and smile and pass the time of day. But I don’t go drinking with them etc

I switch off on the way home and pick my children up and then when I come in my house my fairy lights are on, curtains shut and it’s all about family and the animals. Work does not get mentioned. At home it’s busy - so I mentally have a couple of evenings a week where I am in bed by 8 pm as are the older children to chill with a book. Always got a podcast or actually favourite is an audio cd on the go - find then I have to sit and listen and relax rather do washing/ laundry etc.

Hardly anyone at work has my home number - a guy I’m mentoring and two people I have known for many years - that’s it. No one is on my social media, my work friends and friends are totally separate.

We have booked in family days and we do …. Nothing. PJ until lunchtime etc again this is rare as weekends are: Horseriding, cycling, swimming etc so we actually cancel one of those days every 4 weeks and make it a chill out day for just us.

Realising some people will like you and some won’t. I was brought up in a very traumatic childhood and it took me a long time to realise you can’t change others, you can only change your response. With people that are not nice - you can’t win, keep your distance and don’t invest any energy into stressing about them or plotting their downfall. Literally smile and be neutral and avoid them. ‘Not nice’ people at work win by others losing the plot. Nothing matters to me except my children and my dogs when the chips are down. Nothing. Fortunately both my children are older and huge snuggle bunnies and that is great.
I keep my multi vitamins up.

When it’s really stressful I think breathe, this moment will pass, this day will pass, in my life this is one day or one decision and the Earth will not stop turning on its axis because of something I do or don’t do.

We like comedies and things like the traitors but I don’t like films that scare me witless I actually think they are damaging and change your brain.

Give something back. Eg volunteer for scouts etc

A good cup of Yorkshire tea, with a good dog cuddle or a great hug from a friend are really far more valuable than anything else.

I never did. I eventually succumbed to burnout. Major burnout.
It was physically and psychologically painful.

It was impossible to “forget” the things I was witnessing, involved in and drowning in back to back, day in day out.

The emotional blackness just engulfed me and 99% of my colleagues for months during covid. I mean, it was bad before, it’s always been bad but COVID took it up until it was deafening.

So. I left.
Now I can definitely leave it all at 5pm Monday to Friday. It’s utterly utterly delicious and so so easy because nothing compares to that.

I haven't worked this one out yet...and at 59 I doubt I'm going to before I retire...or burn out! I'm a primary teacher, deputy head and English lead in a school is in the 'Ofsted window'.

I have no idea how to switch off, and currently work between 70 and 75 hours and week (and still haven't even touched the sides of my workload 😨)

I'm exhausted and cry daily. If anyone has the answers, please let me know.

I’m still learning what works for me but I log off and write down tasks for the following day. Laptop and phone off and put away in bag out of site and I have an allotted time to vent. Then have something planned for after, it can be a walk, cook dinner or just go out to the shops anything to distract myself

Do you have children? How on earth do you spend quality time with dc, work and have hobbies plural. How does that even work?

Step outside - and look around (step outside the box and tunnel vision of work/stress).

It sounds hippie, but just take sense of your surroundings - the ground under your feet, nature, the birds, the air - realise that there is so much more going on in life, right now, that actually matters and counts. There’s a lot of beauty in nature that passes us by when we’re stuck in front of a screen or in a call.

I find this grounds me and brings some sense back to me when things become intense or overwhelming.

Exercise.

Gym after work. Helps shift the mind and reset for the rest of the day.

I also compartmentalise. If I find myself thinking about work/people outside my work hours, I imagine a bouncer in my head pushing them out. I break the day by getting changed into my 'me' clothes. This is normally sports wear as I do a yoga class most early evenings which is super helpful for getting into your body and out of your head. I almost never socialise with colleagues and I care zero about office gossip. (Being 40 helps; I gave a lot more fs about that kind of stuff 10 years ago). I bring headphones and have soundtracks on my way too and from work. I dislike my job and colleagues at the moment though so I'm working on having 'my' life as lovely as possible. I go to work to do it and be appropriately paid. And, as others have said, if I died tonight I'd be replaced within a fortnight.

Yep, done that, pulled 80 hour weeks pre inspection.

It nearly killed me (I had a trans ischemic attack) and once I quit, I felt four stone lighter, even while I worked my notice.

I lead an operational team of 250 ish people spread across maybe 10 different work areas and 5 U.K. locations. Generally I can stop thinking about it once I close the laptop, but if there’s some mega stressful stuff going on I really struggle to switch off then. I find walking helps. So if working at home go for a walk. I joined (and now run) a walking group last year and that’s helped a lot with destressing as we do 2 evenings walks (one in winter) and I love doing that after a stressful day at the office. Maybe gym etc could help?

Banging tunes in the car on the way home. Do COMPLETELY different things on your off time. Cold water plunging or kickboxing or travel to Eritrea.

Something to clear you out. It's always water for me. Bath, swim, stand in the sea. Water is medicine. So are trees. Tops of hills with wind.

I leave work at work 99% of the time. A determined choice to do so.

I'll be honest though, there are some days where it is really really hard to leave work at work when there's a case which tugs the heartstrings.

On those days, I allow myself to care and process outside work, else I lose my humanity.

I also have great colleagues who I can download onto.

Unlike others, I find exercising gives my head space to think through work stresses, rather than de-stress.

I just switch off, I don't check emails or anything it all stays at work

I want to be you! How do you fit it in around work? Do you have kids?

This is something I REALLY struggle with. I am terrible with boundaries when it comes to work.

I think one of the reasons I struggle is I am single and don't have children, so I sometimes feel like there's no reason to fight against work taking over my life - I don't have a family who 'needs me' so it doesn't really matter what I do or how many hours I work. I realise it's not healthy though!

I think it’s a bit of a mindset for me. While I’m work they are paying me to provide a service and once I clock out that’s it. I also think it helps to be “more then just your job” - work to live and don’t live to work and all that jazz. You need a life outside of work whether it be hobbies, gym, running, cooking etc.

I needed to read this tonight. I’ve been lying in bed with my youngest daughter (6) literally worrying about all the work I’ve got to do. And for what? I earn less now than what I did 10 years ago for a job that has a shedload more work.

And for what? If they had to, they’d get rid of me in a heartbeat.

Power nap.
No refined sugar b4 12
5 fruit and veg a day
Lots of water
Sleep regular bedtimes
Exercise
Talk to best buddie often.