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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Class parties - some not invited

125 replies

Totallywingingitmum · 09/01/2024 22:23

my dc is in reception class. Since September there have been a few class parties that she hasn’t been invited to. I’m also aware she has gone to parties that others haven’t been invited to.

AIBU to think this is unfair? You either invite the whole class or none at all. Or if you are going to have a party perhaps just invite a very small number so it’s clearly an intimate event.

I can’t help but wonder why she hasn’t been invited? It makes me sad! I also feel uncomfortable knowing a parent has allowed their child to deliberately leave some children out. Children (and parents) talk and news of a party is bound to get round.

I understand parties can cost a lot or there could be a max number of children allowed but if I were organising a party for my daughter I’d ensure the whole class was included and nobody left out.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 09/01/2024 22:25

They aren't class parties if the whole class isn't invited.

30 DC to a 5 year old party is way too overwhelming for most 5 years tbh.

lavenderlou · 09/01/2024 22:26

I don't think it's necessary to always invite the whole class - it's too expensive for some. However, I don't think it's ok to just leave a handful of children out. Either whole class or fewer than half.

TheaBrandt · 09/01/2024 22:27

God inviting 30 kids to a party if your kid likes and plays with about 4 of them is slightly beyond the call of duty isn’t it? These random parents have no obligations to all the other pupils in the class. As long as its not one or two left out I can’t see the issue.

Mairzydotes · 09/01/2024 22:28

The venues seem to have a smaller capacity than the class sizes. It's still hurtful to be left out.

TheaBrandt · 09/01/2024 22:28

We used to invite either all the girls or fewer than half. Or in dd2 case the same but with the boys as the girls in her class were really wet and no fun.

3peassuit · 09/01/2024 22:29

I think it’s either just a small number at home or a hired hall and the whole class invited. Not everyone wants or a can afford a a big party and no one should feel obliged to have one.

Hermittrismegistus · 09/01/2024 22:30

Unless your child is one that never gets invited to parties then it's a good opportunity for them to learn that they can't always be invited / join in everything, even with their friends.

LenaLamont · 09/01/2024 22:30

If they are in classes of 30 and 20 are invited to a party, it isn’t a Class Party.

Hankunamatata · 09/01/2024 22:31

As long as no more than half the class or not all the girls except 1 then it's fine

Parents may have asked teacher for a list of kids their dc play with, kid may have asked random classmates 4/5 year olds are fickle

boomboom109283 · 09/01/2024 22:32

This is ridiculous. Of course you shouldn’t have to ask the whole class.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/01/2024 22:32

As long as it isn't inviting 27 and leaving 1/2 children out its fine in a class of 30 to not invite all

Having a party with 5/10/15/20 is fine

Don't have to invite the whole class

Multipleexclamationmarks · 09/01/2024 22:32

Inviting some of a class is perfectly fine.
Inviting the whole class except 1 or 2 children not so much.

Bladwdoda · 09/01/2024 22:34
Good Night GIF

I either invite the whole class or less than half of the class. I think it’s fine for not everyone to be invited to everything. What’s not ok is leavening out only 1 or 2 kids.

cadburyegg · 09/01/2024 22:34

My two dc turn 9 and 6 this year so I've done a few parties. I ask them to invite X amount of their friends. For home parties I've only ever invited a few. For bigger venue parties, more but certainly no more than 15 per class. Ive never had bigger parties than that I just can't afford it and also my dc would get overwhelmed very quickly. It's not personal to your dc she just isn't on the forefront of other kids' minds. And/or other parents are inviting their friend's kids. I doubt very much that children are being deliberately excluded.

BingoMarieHeeler · 09/01/2024 22:35

Class party = everyone invited. Also usually = £££ Probably spent about £350 on DS2’s last year all in.

This year it was about 10 kids from his class and party games in a £50 hall.

He certainly hasn’t had 24 party invites so there are definitely some parties he’s either not been invited to or - shock horror - maybe lots of kids didn’t even have a party. My eldest hadn’t had a party for the past 3 years but has been to many!

Clearinguptheclutter · 09/01/2024 22:36

Yabu
Totally ok to not do class parties
you either invite the whole class or a maximum of half.
fine to include 5, 10, 15 from a class, 20 is difficult , 25 def not ok, all of them is fine too.
the kids soon get used to the fact that they won’t be invited to all the parties. No need to invite everyone to theirs either.

idontlikealdi · 09/01/2024 22:37

They're not class parties if not all invited. If the family have cousins / non school friends they want to invite the number ring up quickly.

It's not right if say two out of a class are not invited.

eish · 09/01/2024 22:37

I think whole class or none is extreme. Some people can’t afford that. Also, it isn’t who don’t you want to invite but who do you want to invite which is a different slant.

mottytotty · 09/01/2024 22:38

How many kids are invited and how many uninvited?

Onelifeonly · 09/01/2024 22:38

Do you think everyone is also obliged to have a party for their child to pay back for all the parties their child had been invited to?

People should feel free to do whatever suits their child, them and their finances. Whole class parties for very young children are like being at school without the structure imo or familiar adults - think it is only the parents who care, not the children, at that age.

Original poster
Totallywingingitmum · 09/01/2024 22:39

I see your points and maybe I’m being sensitive

if you have a class of 30 and basically 5-10 are left out do you not think it’s a bit unfair?

I did say in my original post I would understand if a more intimate group were invited. Or all girls / all boys I get too. But just choosing to leave out a handful in my eyes is a bit mean.

totally appreciate a party of 30 is a) expensive and b) a nightmare 😂

OP posts:
Bracksonsboss · 09/01/2024 22:39

What an odd idea that you have to do class parties. Invite who you want.

toomanyleggings · 09/01/2024 22:41

You either do whole class, all the children that are the same sex as your child or a handful. Anything else is shitty imo

mottytotty · 09/01/2024 22:41

Totallywingingitmum · 09/01/2024 22:39

I see your points and maybe I’m being sensitive

if you have a class of 30 and basically 5-10 are left out do you not think it’s a bit unfair?

I did say in my original post I would understand if a more intimate group were invited. Or all girls / all boys I get too. But just choosing to leave out a handful in my eyes is a bit mean.

totally appreciate a party of 30 is a) expensive and b) a nightmare 😂

Yes, I think leaving out 5 out of 30 is mean. They should invite half the class or whole class.

tiggergoesbounce · 09/01/2024 22:42

I think providing its not just a few being left out its fine. Our DS has a party and invites whoever he likes, his class has 30 kids if he wants more than 20 kids then we say it has to be a class party as you are getting down to smaller number who are not invited.

Ultimately though, it would be really sad to see your DC sad, obviously its a good opportunity to learn not everything goes your way in life, but upsetting non the less