Apparently this is the reason he broke up with me...

[Snowatnoon]

Was together with ex for around a year. Very intelligent man and excelled career wise but has never been great at communicating his needs with me. Anyway he recently broke up with me, his reason being that "I don't do what he tells me to do" and I am not obedient therefore he can't see a future with me

I'm just really confused because he has never "told me to do anything". I'm just confused really.

Don't be a fool.

Block him. He dumped you - and the consensus of opinion was that you had a lucky escape.

Why would you even leave the door open for him to contact you?

The only reason you want to see him is a hardwired in desire to make the feelings go away by TEMPORARILY patching things up with him. It's a trauma bond. You want him to understand, you want his approval. But he'll never do this on a consistent basis because what he wants is a dynamic where you try to please him.

There's another way to get rid of these uncomfortable feelings. That is, no contact. It feels weird at first. You're likeva rat in a box going back for sugar which is a rarer and rarer "hit"

Let the uncomfortable feelings settle. Get space. Feel sad, feel bad. The feelings will pass. And when they do, that's you a bit more emotionally healthy than you were before. Xx

Another vote for blocking him from everything. Fill your time up so you’re not dwelling on the time you spent with him or his recent words. Complete the Freedom programme online or read good books about healthy relationships and also the good ones about abusive behaviour in relationships. Care for yourself, give yourself time and just come back here if you need reminding what a dick he is.

Thank you everyone. I know I need to forget about him in order to meet someone else and not waste anymore time on him. I just hate the thought of him having sex with someone else 😥and I can't see it passing.

There are bigger and better cocks in the farmyard.

There are bigger and better cocks in the farmyard

I needed to hear this 😂

'I sure know how to pick them.'

And you also now know how to drop them and leave them alone, don't you, OP?

You'll never meet Mr Right whilst you're still tangled up with Mr Wrong.

Block him on all forms of communication and delete his contact information everywhere, too.

It was much easier when I was dating (back in the Stone Age), all you had to do was tear up a piece of paper with their phone number on it or erase the entry in your little phone book. Not quite so easy nowadays, but going through the trouble to block/delete him on everything will mean you can't contact him and he can't contact you. And that's what you need.

Two of his exes have said he's abusive.

TWO.

And now you, number three, have experienced his mind games for yourself.

And five pages of Mumsnet posters have told you you've had a lucky escape.

RUN

I'm sorry to hear that you've wasted a year of your life on an oxygen thief. Block him, ignore him and move on, with a spring in your step!

I really would like to shake you OP, sorry!
He's not a good person, please, please, please don't go back to him.

He is screwing with your head, OP.

That text was a test. Those feelings of misery, uncertainty and confusion you attest to having read this is the sound of your boundaries being tried. He wants to know exactly how far he's able to flex his control over you.

If you go back to him I can guarantee that next time he'll do worse. Men like this escalate. And the more you rush to do his bidding, the less control over your life you'll have and the more you'll cede this over to him, until you're walking on eggshells trying not to do anything that will provoke the withdrawal of his attentions. This is how the well-documented love-bombing cycle goes: idealise, devalue, discard.

Their methods don't vary much. Abuse victims on these threads have been amazed when their fellow Mumsnetters were able to predict with a high degree of accuracy the precise move these manipulative, emotionally abusive men would make next. Your self-esteem will suffer and you'll start questioning whether you are the one at fault.

You have a chance to break that cycle right now. Rip the plaster off, take the short-term pain, and acclimatise yourself to staying the hell away. He won't bring anything good to your life.