Were these gifts shoplifted? Or just really old?

[PamFritters]

I have posted before about my SIL and her over gifting at Xmas and birthdays. It’s often clothes, very rarely anything I would wear. I usually take to a charity shop but this year I decided to be a bit more frugal and return them for credit. All had price tags on, various shops but today I took the Next and M&S ones in as I was near.

All of it scanned and came up. But all of it came up as ‘not sold/no sales record’. Oh and all the Next ones were coming up as £3. The lady in Next said she had worked there for 4 years and didn’t recognise any of the items. Basically they are either a) nicked or b) older than the system.

I think this might finally be the push I need to tell her to stop giving me clothes I don’t want, because she’s either stolen them or had hanging around with tags on in her wardrobe for five years. I’ve spent the last 20 years being subtle and it clearly doesn’t work.

I’m not being unreasonable to think these are weird gifts, right?

At the risk of being completely outing, our husbands are ID twins and she gives DH clothes that are HUGE. He wears size S and she gives him t shirts in XXL for example. It’s all so weird. Why does she do it? Any guesses welcome.

I actually agree with this , I can’t believe the amount of people who try and take gifts back (obvs unless someone has given you a gift receipt )

Is your MIL a poor pensioner? I almost feel sorry for her the way you talk about her.

I used to work at next for 3 years.
You are correct OP. Every item has a unique barcode. If it doesn't scan on a return it will be either stolen or years old stock. This is always checked on back office system computers if it doesn't register as a return

Sell them on vinted and buy something else op.

@sondot how wrong you are !

Next barcodes do exactly that . Senior retail lol

I think this is really horrible. Maybe SIL got something on sale and has saved it in a gift box to give later. Who really cares, it's the thought that counts.

I get your frustration - my MIL and cousin's wife buy some absolute crap for all of us. The clothes that we've had for us and the kids have had us all in absolute stitches. We gave up taking them back to the stores where they supposedly came from a long time ago.

I get that some people buy things from charity shops and re-gift (both perfectly acceptable - if they're done on a low budget with thought, but not by family members who a incredibly wealthy - considerably wealthier than yourselves). I can remember one year I spent a small fortune gifting perfect presents to my MIL and cousin's family and spending money I could ill afford and wrapping them all beautifully, and the gifts we received in return - were laughable. I was offered £1 in one of the stores for something for my daughter, but otherwise nothing would be accepted and none either fit or were remotely suitable. I had to politely tell them both to please not buy my children clothes and that they really didn't have to buy them gifts, if they were struggling to find something suitable because they didn't really know my children!!

It's so damn awkward with family - but hey .... approach with caution!

What thought? Sounds like SIL is getting a thrill from getting bargains and just passing them over with no consideration to the receiver.

Clothes are so personal and size specific. If you care about a gift recipient you would want them to have something they actually liked and could use. It’s not just about handing over any old thing wrapped in paper.

Just because some people are clueless or even a bit thick, doesn't actually make them thoughtless or unkind. Ponder that for a moment

@Passingthethyme Being a bit thick or clueless also doesn’t mean your gifts aren’t thoughtless or a burden on others. Actually they are probably more likely to be. OP‘s issue is that she’d rather not receive them, the gifts are unusable and create more stress in having to dispose of them. That doesn’t make OP horrible. Ponder that for a moment.

I'd hardly think it's such a burden, OP can just give to a charity shop instead she is going to the hassle of trying to return it for something else. I imagine she does this alot, I wouldn't even think of doing this if just give to someone else

Not to mention she is then accusing her SIL of shoplifting! Pretty terrible behaviour tbh.

I haven’t accused her of anything.

I have had twenty years of these gifts. Usually they just stay in my wardrobe until I have a clear out. I have repeatedly asked not to receive clothes. Repeatedly.

I had naively assumed that she was actually going out and buying me things and so felt a bit guilty for the whole thing.

but I’m 100% sure now she buys lots of clothes for herself or when she sees bargains, and hoards them for years before using me as a middle man to the charity shop, dressed up as generous gifts.

Charity shop or Vinted

Also why should I have the burden of going to the charity shop? I rarely go myself. I wear very few different clothes and wear them until they are done. The kids stuff gets passed down. The only unworn clothes in my wardrobe ever are these gifts that I feel unreasonable and guilty for not being grateful for. Madness.

@PamFritters - I have a similar relative and understand. My relative is not thick or clueless like the PP suggested. They just like the thrill of getting a bargain and then palm them off on whoever expecting lots of praise and thanks, and I have the task of carting it all into town to the charity shop every year. The only way I managed to stop it was by saying let’s not do gifts. First year they ignored me but after a year of not getting a gift from me for Christmas or Birthday they have stopped.

I do not understand the attitude I see here a lot of you should always be grateful for a gift.

My MIL gave me presents for my DS which were often too small or inappropriate but otherwise very nice- turned out they were bought for the DD of my awful SIL (her daughter) who wasnt beyond throwing them back at her as not good enough.

It's a massive reach to assume they were shoplifted. If she was going to do that then she'd get your right size.
I used to buy brand new stuff with tags from a car boot sale from Next that was very old stock but had been lying in store at an outlet and wasn't shifted. I got friendly with the woman and she told me she bought everything for £1 each, then sold it for £3-5.

I don’t know about where she’s getting this stuff from, but the inappropriate style (frilly, unicorns, etc 🤮 lol) would suggest she’s one of those people who isn’t good at putting herself in other people’s shoes (which is a narcassistic trait) so when it comes to buying presents she just gets stuff that she likes herself, and it would never even occur to her that somebody else might not like them. I wouldn’t go so far as to call her a narcissist without knowing more about her but, having dealt with a few of them myself, it sounds like she could be.

My DH would be guilty of this if I didn't stop him. He loves rummaging in charity shops and gets very excited if he spots something that is clearly unused with the tags still on. For example, say there is an ugly, weird looking cropped size 20 top in a charity shop for £5 with tags on showing an original price of £100. I will think 'That's an ugly top and no-one that I know of that size would want a cropped top - I can see why it has never been worn.' DH will think 'Wow, a brand new top worth £100 for just £5. A top worth £100 must be good one, so I should buy it now and save it until I think of who to delight with this precious gift.' He wouldn't do it to be cheap or thoughtless- in his mind the item would be a really special find. (In other ways my DH is entirely sane, I promise. We just know not to let him go in a charity shop unsupervised!)

I have no problem with regifted/second hand items but personally would never give clothing without a gift receipt as it's such a personal thing.

Do you think this shows up on the till every time you buy a new item?

They were showing up as not available on the system. This could be because they are older, but also discontinued items after Christmas or bought via Next outlet

@Pololo for the 100 th time they are in next !

They have very clever systems and they know how you paid and when it was sold !

My sister gave me a jumper for Xmas,totally not me,took it back to Next,assistant said it was 6 years old,embarrassing

So it said the items hadn't been sold and they still let OP leave with them?

We can't take things off people .

If it says no record of sale it either means it's stolen or over 18 months old so orib vinted it charity shop .