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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

angry at husband

95 replies

annoyedateverything21 · 09/01/2024 16:37

So I don't have access to husbands phone, he has a passcode (not an issue)

I was sitting with him while he was on his phone and had seen his frequently used emojis one being 🍑 (which is used for arses) - I was like wtf you've never sent that to me so why is it on your phone. He was like I don't use that at all and started searching the emoji on what's app to show he never used it.

He then does it for his messages and an old message from a girl he used to talk to came up he said 'you look like you squat 🍑' so I instantly checked the date and it was a few months before we got together.

Now I'm not angry about this, everyone has a past but I am angry at the fact he said he wasn't speaking to anyone just before me and him got together but he clearly was. This spiralled into me bringing up more lies he had told me when we first got together - white lies. I hate liars and he knows this.

Turns out he has kept all the fucking messages from loads of girls that he was chatting to before me, which has also pissed me off why would he need them? We are married?? He apologised and said he deleted it all but I'm feeling very much like he has broken my trust and very angry, I can't even look at him. Technically I know he hasn't done anything wrong but I've changed my passcode so he doesn't know it, and won't let him go on my phone.

Am I over reacting???

OP posts:
Mumof2teens79 · 09/01/2024 16:38

Yes

ghostyslovesheets · 09/01/2024 16:39

Yeah sorry

SarcasmAndCoffee · 09/01/2024 16:41

Yes huge over reaction

C00k · 09/01/2024 16:41

Yeah.

ManateeFair · 09/01/2024 16:41

You're massively overreacting, yes. Get a grip.

GlitteryDirt · 09/01/2024 16:41

Yes it does seem like an over reaction.

I don't delete messages off my phone. They just stay there. It's no reflection of how I feel now about the people who's messages are still on my phone.

How long have you been together?

Keeva2017 · 09/01/2024 16:41

Kept messages? As in just not deleted them? I never delete messages so there will be ones from previous partners/dates.

You are being massively unreasonable.

Tinkerbyebye · 09/01/2024 16:42

Yes big time. You sound like you are 12 years old

ohmygolli · 09/01/2024 16:42

It’s old news. You are overreacting.
men are rubbish at clearing messages and history. Nbd

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 09/01/2024 16:43

Yes sorry. Also the message with the peach that he did send is probably the only one I can think of with that emoji that is actually vaguely acceptable, especially if you weren't in a relationship at the time.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 09/01/2024 16:43

You overreacted to an emoji for a start
And then to things he did before you started dating
Are you a bit insecure in the relationship?
No partner has a right to check the other person's phone

LadyMargaretDevereux · 09/01/2024 16:43

Yes, I'm afraid you are overreacting by a long way.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 09/01/2024 16:43

Yes you are over reacting. These are messages from before you were together.

So what if he didn't delete them, I never delete anything, doesn't mean anything, just that I don't delete stuff.

However if you don't trust him you don't have to stay with him.

Sertadopt · 09/01/2024 16:44

Why have you added a passcode to your phone now?! Bizarre.

Onceuponaheartache · 09/01/2024 16:44

Wow...insecure much??

Unless there is a huge backstop you are massively unreasonable

LiquidGold315 · 09/01/2024 16:45

Yes, huge overreaction. Sort yourself out.

Growlybear83 · 09/01/2024 16:45

Yes of course you're overreacting. Why would you expect that he would have deleted all his messages from before he met you?

GalileoHumpkins · 09/01/2024 16:45

I've changed my passcode so he doesn't know it, and won't let him go on my phone

Y tho? That doesn't make sense at all in light of what's happened.

Original poster
annoyedateverything21 · 09/01/2024 16:46

Sertadopt · 09/01/2024 16:44

Why have you added a passcode to your phone now?! Bizarre.

He moves his phone away when he puts his passcode in, has said that he will never tell me the passcode to his phone. I don't care, as I trust him.

I had his Face ID on my phone and very open, now I don't want to give him that freedom if he can't give it back, simple as that.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 09/01/2024 16:46

I think you’re far too fixated on phones. Who your DH was speaking to before he met you is none of your business. And is it really expected that he has to go through his phone and delete every single reference to any other woman he’s ever spoken to before you? Does it help you to pretend you’re the only woman he’s ever had sex with or something? What purpose does it serve?

Bracksonsboss · 09/01/2024 16:46

Massive overreaction.

purplecorkheart · 09/01/2024 16:47

Massive over reaction. I am another person who never deletes messages including ones that have been sent to me in error by strangers. It doesn't mean anything other than I am to lazy to bother deleting messages.

You sound overdramatic and childish to be honest.

Lammveg · 09/01/2024 16:47

Unless this is about to be a massive drip feed about how he cheated on you last month....

YABU.

Hiddenvoice · 09/01/2024 16:47

Sorry but you’re majorly overreacting. He hasn’t cheated, these are old messages and he’s let you look so I doubt he has anything to hide. I have old things from exes that I’ve kept, just memories that I haven’t got rid of but it means nothing.
I don’t understand why you now need to change your passcode.

Sorry but if my dh had acted like this then I’d be questioning his behaviour.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 09/01/2024 16:48

Madness