angry at husband

[annoyedateverything21]

So I don't have access to husbands phone, he has a passcode (not an issue)

I was sitting with him while he was on his phone and had seen his frequently used emojis one being 🍑 (which is used for arses) - I was like wtf you've never sent that to me so why is it on your phone. He was like I don't use that at all and started searching the emoji on what's app to show he never used it.

He then does it for his messages and an old message from a girl he used to talk to came up he said 'you look like you squat 🍑' so I instantly checked the date and it was a few months before we got together.

Now I'm not angry about this, everyone has a past but I am angry at the fact he said he wasn't speaking to anyone just before me and him got together but he clearly was. This spiralled into me bringing up more lies he had told me when we first got together - white lies. I hate liars and he knows this.

Turns out he has kept all the fucking messages from loads of girls that he was chatting to before me, which has also pissed me off why would he need them? We are married?? He apologised and said he deleted it all but I'm feeling very much like he has broken my trust and very angry, I can't even look at him. Technically I know he hasn't done anything wrong but I've changed my passcode so he doesn't know it, and won't let him go on my phone.

Am I over reacting???

He moves his phone away when he puts his passcode in, has said that he will never tell me the passcode to his phone. I have never asked for it but he is secretive with his phone and I feel like I'm very open with mine.

Yes, massively.

Yes YABU and you’re coming across as very controlling with a bizarre phone obsession. If you don’t trust him why are you with him?

Well, it seems you do care, and you don't trust him. It doesn't seem that he's done anything wrong here.

Unless there’s more to this, you’re acting completely unhinged.

As a matter of interest, if he kept some old diaries, would yould you feel like they had to be expunged, or that you were entitled to read them?

Are you in year 10 and 15, as this sounds like unnecessary drama that goes on with teenagers!

Everyone has a past, massive over reaction from you I'm afraid.

I have no idea of my DH’s phone passcode. And I don’t know (or care) who he messaged before we got together.
I care about how he acts and whether I can trust him. I do. End of.

Yes, you're massively over reacting. His life before he met you is none of your business, nor is his private messages / browsing history on his phone. I wouldn't want to be with someone who policed either of those things.

If it was a man doing what you did, they'd be called all the names under the sun.
What on Earth did I just read - get a grip for goodness' sake.

This is about him being visibly secretive with his phone rather than him talking to women several months before you got together.
Seeing those old messages is just making you feel suspicious that the reason he's so secretive is he's still doing it.

You clearly don't trust him though

Exactly!!! This!! It's not the fact he was messaging someone before me, I'm not deluded I know everyone has a past, myself included.

It isn’t secretive to want some privacy. Either you trust him or you don’t. I think insisting on seeing all someone’s messages etc is controlling.

Loool I didn't ask him, he offered and like an idiot he's used that emoji before.

‘I trust him’
Yes, that’s coming through loud and clear on your comments 😄 (sarcasm)

Yes. Good grief.

You seem to have cherry picked a few comments to reply to that kind of fit your narrative and glossed over the dozens of comments saying you're being unreasonable.

Why ask if you're clearly not willing to accept you're wrong here?

For what it's worth, I too think you're being bat shit. How long have you been together? Surely it's several years if you're married.... And you're bothered about messages and emojis sent years ago, before you?

OP, your relationship is doomed because you don’t trust him.

The fact that he's so reluctant to share his pass code ever is the real red flag. I know my husbands but would never need to look or want to.

But the whole emoji conversation sounds absolutely bonkers.

Good lord, your poor DH.

He didn’t “offer”. You’ve pushed him into this due to your lack of trust.

You come across as a little unhinged and he probably doesn't want you to know the passcode as you over-react to things and get unnecessarily jealous.

Doesn't sound like a good match to me!

Well this is entirely different.
that screams that he’s hiding something.

Yes