angry at husband

[annoyedateverything21]

So I don't have access to husbands phone, he has a passcode (not an issue)

I was sitting with him while he was on his phone and had seen his frequently used emojis one being 🍑 (which is used for arses) - I was like wtf you've never sent that to me so why is it on your phone. He was like I don't use that at all and started searching the emoji on what's app to show he never used it.

He then does it for his messages and an old message from a girl he used to talk to came up he said 'you look like you squat 🍑' so I instantly checked the date and it was a few months before we got together.

Now I'm not angry about this, everyone has a past but I am angry at the fact he said he wasn't speaking to anyone just before me and him got together but he clearly was. This spiralled into me bringing up more lies he had told me when we first got together - white lies. I hate liars and he knows this.

Turns out he has kept all the fucking messages from loads of girls that he was chatting to before me, which has also pissed me off why would he need them? We are married?? He apologised and said he deleted it all but I'm feeling very much like he has broken my trust and very angry, I can't even look at him. Technically I know he hasn't done anything wrong but I've changed my passcode so he doesn't know it, and won't let him go on my phone.

Am I over reacting???

Loool I didn't ask him, he offered and like an idiot he's used that emoji before.

Why is he an idiot for using that emoji once (it sounds like just once?) a few months before you got together?

Turns out he has kept all the fucking messages from loads of girls that he was chatting to before me, which has also pissed me off why would he need them? We are married??

I probably have messages from ex-boyfriends/people I chatted to before DH. Not because I've specifically "kept" them, I've just not deleted them because it's never really occurred to me to think about it. If I scrolled right down to the bottom of my iPhone messages, who knows what I'd find down there.

Is he not much of an emoji user generally? The chance of the 🍑 emoji still being in his most used from a message from years ago sounds completely implausible. Mine change from week to week and the 🍑 is often in it - usually used in conjunction with this one 💨 🤣

But yes, you sound like an absolute nightmare.

Yes

YABU. I've been with my husband over 30 years, 20 of those married. We don't have each others passcodes, and if he asked for mine I'd say no. My privacy is very important to me. You're well out of order for kicking off at him over this non issue.

You are completely overreacting.

You're massively unreasonable and being ridiculous. I'd not give you access to my phone either.

She's accused him of breaking her trust by messaging someone two months before he met her!

Yes.

Saying he’s being treated like “shit” is a bit much imo.

she’s defo overreacting. But like I said, maybe she has past trust issues.
not an acceptable way to react at all but not being treated like shit. Being treated unfairly, yes.
that’s my opinion.

@annoyedateverything21 OP I think you put this post up knowing people were going to tell you YANBU. But I think you have your answer now. Maybe you need to focus on how to deal with things a bit better.

@ohmygolli

Yes I completely understand I handled it wrong and overreacted, I didn't post for people to agree with me, I knew I was being a psycho yesterday - just couldn't shake that feeling, and needed to hear it from a third party. I don't have many go to people to speak to about this.

It wasn't the fact he was talking to girls before me, I have more baggage than him, and I'm not delusional. It was the fact he made out and lied he wasn't speaking to anyone when we first started talking. There are other lies he told at the start that was brought up, it was the fact that he lied to me, and I don't like that. That's why I felt I couldn't trust him, because if he lied about small stuff, then what else did he lie about

But it was a few months before you got together, so why do you think he's lying when he said he wasn't talking to anyone else when you got together?

"A few months before" is not just before to many people, i think that is a misunderstanding rather than misleading you.

I rarely if ever clear out messages so can understand that too.

Passcode on phone is also normal. I don't like my husband looking at my phone, nothing dodgy just like some privacy.

If you trust him try not to let this change that. If you want to stop him from facd id access to your phone fair enough but try not to do it out of spite.

He showed you a message from TWO months before you met and you are taking that as JUST before you met...

Did you expect him to be celibate for a year before you or something?

Bloody hell, how immature

You say you have "baggage". Have you cheated in the past? I usually find people who are very suspicious and paranoid about cheating tend to be dishonest themselves.

i think your 50% reasonable and unreasonable.

it’s just an emoji….BUT why was it in his most recent if he sent a message to a girl before you were together? Let’s be honest we all know what emoji means so if he’s not sent it to you, who has he recently sent it to?

because I’m guessing the girl he sent it to was quite a while ago as you’re now married?

I do think people who are saying you’re being crazy about an emoji may be ahem dinosaurs and don’t really know what it currently means.

also, he’s a married man. Why is he still keeping old flirty chats from past flings/gfs? Inappropriate.

That being said it all could be him being mindless so I would just communicate how you feel and speak to him about feeling secure in a relationship. Because it doesn’t sound like you feel like that currently.

I think the thing that's upset the OP is that the 🍑 is in his most used list of emojis and he hasn't used that emoji when messaging her.

It wouldn't still be a recent emoji from months before they met (if he uses emojis reasonably regularly) as the list constantly updates. So has he been deleting messages to someone he has been using that emoji when messaging.

My most recent emojis on WhatsApp contains the ant emoji. I searched for it and I used it once, on Feb last year so nearly 12 months ago.

So whilst the list might constantly update I think if you are the kind of person who tends to only use 3 or 4 emojis consistently then the older ones hang around for longer

I do think people who are saying you’re being crazy about an emoji may be ahem dinosaurs and don’t really know what it currently means.

I'm 30, not a dinosaur and know 🍑 can be used to mean butt. I also know emojis can be used for a number of reasons. And 🍑 is now one of my recent emojis. Because of this thread. I've not used it in a flirty message. My other recents include flags and 😿. The flags were sent months ago and I don't remember EVER using that cat.
I only really use the same 5 or 6 emojis regularly and then others randomly.

also, he’s a married man. Why is he still keeping old flirty chats from past flings/gfs? Inappropriate

I've never deleted a message. Phones these days have pretty much infinite storage and messages are tiny. There's no need to go through them deciding what to keep and what to delete.