to be freaked out by how much our faces change between 45 - 55 years old?

[tallowspa]

I'm just back from visiting a friend in the flesh I haven't seen since 2019. It was really lovely to see her but she was very down about her looks and how much she feels her face has changed in the past few years as she is now 53. I think she still looks amazing but she does look different now. She is 7 years older than me and the last time we were together you wouldn't have thought she was older at all but now the age difference was visible.

I work with women of all ages and one woman in her late 50's keeps saying how she looked good and like herself up until she was about 51 then within a year her face, skin and body changed and now she has just had to get used to never really feeling happy about how she looks or like herself.

Even looking at photos of actresses with all the surgeons and treatments at their disposal you see the same changes so I don't think it is something you can really escape, its inevitable and natural.

It just freaks me out though, I am 46 and still look like myself and I finally feel happy with how I look probably for the first time in my life but I know that over the next decade my face will change and probably not for the better.

I'm not on about looking young, or attractive and I know that aging is a privilege and that the alternative to aging is death but I still feel so freaked out my how much our faces seem to change at this time of life, menopause I suppose. I am on HRT (since I was 42) and that probably helps but obviously it isn't a miracle worker and these changes still occur.

I don't mind going grey or getting lines on my face its everything else and how our faces seem to fundamentally alter that freaks me out!

Oh. I am 46 and my face and body are already fucked. I am not dealing with it well and must have been more vain than I thought I was 😂

I don’t think @WishIMite said that she ‘wanted’ the CEO to find her shaggable, it was just an observation on her part that after a certain age men have started to view her and respond to her differently.

I think it’s wilfully naive to suggest it’s all in her head, there are pretty blatant biological drivers for men of all ages to have a romantic and sexual preference for woman of reproductive age. Perhaps that shouldn’t leak into day to day interactions outside of the dating arena, but the fact is it does, as we are social creatures and we categorise people and adapt our behaviour depending on who we’re dealing with.

@WishIMite
I’m referring to the no-longer-shaggable comment.

You basically hit your late 40s and it’s like you’ve been switched off as far as potential sexual partners go.

Haaahaaa speak for yourself. I doubt Liz Hurley or Kate Beckinsale would struggle to find willing partners. I get huge amounts of attention in my late 50s thanks very much.

Yes well sadly I am not Liz Hurley. And while your experience may be different, I doubt that men in their twenties respond to you in the same way as they did twenty years ago.

This response is very small and unpleasant

@WishIMite was obviously just sharing her own experience. The crowing has a pretty nasty vibe

Mine didn't change much at all. Im 60 now and I'd say from 58 onwards, quite a noticeable difference. Now I have to keep active yet be sure not get too slim, for my face to hold up. Ive always been into using good skincare so 30 years of doing that + good family genes I suppose, have helped.

I'm not averse to beauty 'tweaks' at all and would do one day, nothing major tho. Ageing is inevitable and I think people who worry excessively about it, need therapy. I understand how and why it happens - unrealistic beauty and weight standards, and now social media adding to the obsessive nonsense of it all - but a healthy dose of realism is needed.

You cannot keep time at bay. At 80 years old if you look after yourself, you'll look like a very well preserved 80 year old. The best that can happen is you look 70/75. These are not young ages. You are not young and you will not look young.

Whats the actual point in worrying about the inevitable anyway? Waste of time and brain matter. You could always go round in a Shroud I guess

I'm 35 and the last 3 years my face has changed considerably!!

@MumTeacherofMany Well there are of course different circumstances, I've seen some women's face change in pregnancy but then usually go back after for example. A previous poster mentioned their face changing due to grief and I can see how that would happen as well and is perhaps a factor in the changes women face in the 45 - 55 age range and beyond. As I am in that age range now I feel that every year I attend more and more funerals when I was in my teens, 20's even 30's they were a once a decade event now they seem be happening multiple times a year.

@tallowspa yes I certainly feel more saggy and I'm v slim yet suddenly have a double chin forming! Boohoo!!

I think it helps to remind yourself that aging is a privilege that many people dont get to experience.

Apparently by your 70’s you acclimatise and accept the inevitable consequences of aging. To be honest I’m in my 60’s and have never been happier with how I look. Being comfortable in your own skin is just lovely. The ‘Male Gaze’ pressure has gone and good riddance. I always hated it even while courting it. I just wish I had always felt like this.

My mum aged gradually. It's only now she looks "old old" at 76. I'm hoping for the same, plus I take better care of my skin and keep more hydrated.

Well said😄

I do say that in my OP actually.

@Knitgoodwoman I didn't mention getting botox, to be honest botox wouldn't do much for the kind of physical changes I am talking about either.

I have lost people as well and I do know aging is better than the alternative and I am also at my most confident and happy but none of that negates how I feel about the changes ahead. I can't just magic that away with a bit of a positive spin, sure it sounds good and may give a bit of comfort but people aren't like that, not really our feelings are more complex and difficult than that if we are truly honest about it.

I'm 52 and my last period was 2 years ago. One of my hips has started hurting a little sometimes which makes me feel old! I haven't had HRT as I've not had many meno symptoms other than thinner hair. Both my grandmothers died around 60 of cancer, so I'm not sure about HRT.

I totally get this! I’m a 56 year old woman and always been thought of as pretty…. Well no more.
I was on a Teams Meeting earlier and could not stop looking at my own face. Not because of anything positive but the fact I looked the double of my long since passed Grandad. It was fascinating! And slightly horrifying….
And I ve noticed if I don’t get a smoothed back ponytail then I resemble Christopher Walken. A fave actor of mine but, jeez, I never wanted to look like him! Aargh

It happens to me every time I put my specs on. Cleanser, moisturiser, mascara , lipstick, looking good to go. Until I put my specs on. Surprised every time.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

LOL, I found a picture of myself at 21 when clearing out our family home after the death of my mother. I was 60 at the time. Still got called "love" at the check out in Sainsbury's.
I looked like me, just older and wiser (or not) :-)

At 48 and very peri, an always young looking me is very much starting to see the age on my face and body.

Menopause plays a huge part in this.

I definitely love being in my 50s, my 40s were great as well.
I don't think the OP ever suggested she wasn't enjoying life, maybe I'm missing something!

My face changed dramatically between the ages of 51-53. I remember still feeling good looking on my 50th birthday but it all went downhill shortly afterwards. I actually had a face lift, neck lift and upper and lower bleph last October and for me it’s been life changing. I feel beautiful again. I have a thread on here documenting my journey, if you fancy looking at it. Maybe that’s something you could consider later in life if you want it. I’m vain and I don’t care!

How much did that cost @CollagenQueen ? I hope that doesn't seem rude - I'm just curious!

Can you link your thread please? I’m curious as well.