to be freaked out by how much our faces change between 45 - 55 years old?

[tallowspa]

I'm just back from visiting a friend in the flesh I haven't seen since 2019. It was really lovely to see her but she was very down about her looks and how much she feels her face has changed in the past few years as she is now 53. I think she still looks amazing but she does look different now. She is 7 years older than me and the last time we were together you wouldn't have thought she was older at all but now the age difference was visible.

I work with women of all ages and one woman in her late 50's keeps saying how she looked good and like herself up until she was about 51 then within a year her face, skin and body changed and now she has just had to get used to never really feeling happy about how she looks or like herself.

Even looking at photos of actresses with all the surgeons and treatments at their disposal you see the same changes so I don't think it is something you can really escape, its inevitable and natural.

It just freaks me out though, I am 46 and still look like myself and I finally feel happy with how I look probably for the first time in my life but I know that over the next decade my face will change and probably not for the better.

I'm not on about looking young, or attractive and I know that aging is a privilege and that the alternative to aging is death but I still feel so freaked out my how much our faces seem to change at this time of life, menopause I suppose. I am on HRT (since I was 42) and that probably helps but obviously it isn't a miracle worker and these changes still occur.

I don't mind going grey or getting lines on my face its everything else and how our faces seem to fundamentally alter that freaks me out!

That’s what I thought too. Some comments on here are a bit odd.

Exactly. It’s a normal innate desire to want to have sex and to wish to be attractive and shaggable to the people you want to have sex with.

It’s not all ‘patriarchal conditioning to please men’. (And that’s not to dismiss the existence of social conditioning, patriarchy, and the systemic power differentials between various groups.) Being sexually attractive is rewarding in and of itself, and men are equally invested in being sexually attractive.

It’s literally our most fundamental drive as humans. Shagging is not a social construct and concern with your appearance is normal at any age.

I don't see why anyone would become "unshaggable" in the space of a decade if you're looking to have sex with someone similar to your own age? Most men of a similar age wouldn't say no surely? Unless you're looking to shag a 20 year old

Yeah, I know that is clear from your posts, You have simplistic, one dimensional view of life, which means you live your life without empathy or understanding of anyone who has a different perspective.

I take pride in my appearance but it is definitely not so I can get hit on by men. I just like to look good.

Most men wouldn’t say no to a lubricated sock.

Everyone’s shaggable, your choices just narrow the less sexually attractive you are.

when this happens to you, it’s VERY clear

I didn’t realise how often people looked at me because I was fuckable, until they stopped.

@herewegoroundthebastardbush you always have the best takes. I want to be your mate.

I think we expect aging to be a slow incremental process, but i think we do have sudden jumps. Often due to having children, menopause or illness. It then takes a while to adjust to our new look.

Also menopause can cause hormonal changes which mean some women get acne for the first time in their lives, very dry skin or more vascularity (redness, erythema, telangiectasias - spider veins). Their skin can feel sore and uncomfortable and I can teach them how to care for their new skin issues and have treatments to help bring their skin back in balance.

I said to my husband this weekend that this last year has really aged me. I wasn't phishing for compliments.
I just noticed over the weekend that I looked old'er' not that fussed but just a sudden realisation

But maybe her face hasn’t changed ‘dramatically’? My face has changed (similar age as OP), but definitely not dramatically. More wrinkles, more definition, less plump - but that’s it. I get what OP is saying.

It will have done, you just don't notice it as much because you see yourself everyday.

Take a photo of yourself at 18 and compare it with how you look now. You may look similar but there will be plenty of changes too.

Aw thanks :) That's made my day!

@inamarina margotrose obviously has a bee in her bonnet about about this issue for some reason, so best to leave her to it. I can assure you my face hasn't changed that much in the past 20 years, of course I look older but my face shape and features are pretty much the same as they were and I think most people I know are the same with the very odd exception, mostly due to weight changes either way, perhaps margotrose falls into that category?

But those that only thought this - are you attracted to men like that?

It is not that case that all young people are stunning. Most physically beautiful people remain so but age with it, average people are the same, it is therefore a falacy to argue for maintaining youthful looks for beauty's sake if that wasn't your reality to begin with. Surely you just attract the type of people you always have done- those around your age. I can't understand why you would think it is strange that young DDs have attention from young DSs, it was ever thus surely!

I've done that last night with two photos and I still look the same, as I did, older yes but fundamentally the same. If I see photos of my mother for example she also looks the same at 25 and 45 (just a bit older) but then at 55+ the change is quite dramatic. Perhaps you changed dramatically at that age for some reason but as far as I can tell there is no fundamental, biological reason for that to happen to most women or men. However at 45 + there is a known biological reason for our faces to change quite dramatically.

Its all very well you clinging to your assertions but they have no grounding in science or reality.

Literally any and most men. Men on the street or on buses.

I don't understand your point - so most all men notice your DD?

As well as my jowls I’ve noticed my once lovely, naturally arched eyebrows have become so light I can barely notice them. I never have to pluck them anymore so I guess there’s not much regrowth going on there. My lips have become thinner too, which really ages a face. One thing I do have though is really soft skin. I was absentmindedly stroking my face and was amazed at how soft and smooth it felt. I’ll put that down to probably not being a smoker. I don’t want to shag anyone or even be desired so apart from the occasional sigh of what happened my aging face doesn’t impact me in any way.

@DelightfulDungeon

My nose gets red with spider veins I'm very self conscious what can I do about it.

Also anyone : eye skin getting crepy what can I put around the eyes please.

@tallowspa yes... It's nature saying make way for the new breeders.. Buzz off with your old eggs.

I’m referring to the no-longer-shaggable comment.

You basically hit your late 40s and it’s like you’ve been switched off as far as potential sexual partners go.

It actually took me a while to realise what had happened. I realised in a meeting with a male CEO. I just wasn’t fuckable anymore. I hadn’t realised until that point how many of my colleagues had seen me through that lens.

Not bad, not good - just a fact.

Being on HRT helps my under eye area more than anything else.

So you want the CEO to think of you as 'shaggable'? Is this a fact though or is it just you perpetuating fairly recent subliminal messages about the worth of women only equating to how you describe? I am mid 40's and it doesn't cross my mind about whether some bloke I work with thinks that of me. I am wondering and sometimes fretting (annoyingly) what a male colleague thinks of my actual work!

@Goldenbear I think for some women beauty and sex appeal is a kind of capital that they can use to influence others and get ahead. Sure its treading a fine line between playing off societal forces which oppress women and conforming to and enforcing them but women are judged and viewed though this lens anyway so why shouldn't they use it to their advantage? I am not talking only fans here but if a woman knows her beauty or sex appeal makes her a more compelling sales woman or communicator then she will most likely use that. Its not fair or right but its just reality and I say that as a woman who never had such a benefit myself.