Depressed about salary

[Porcupinesky]

I’m feeling pretty down at the stories today around the national average wage now being £35k.

I only earn just above this amount. I had been offered a better paid role about 4 months ago but found out I was pregnant so turned it down, as I get a good maternity package in this role (25 weeks full pay) so it made better financial sense to stay. I’m waiting for a promotion but the company is tightening finances so I’m uncertain when this can be processed. I’ll probably get a small payrise in April before I start mat leave.

Is anyone else feeling this way? It’s what I think about most of the day. Luckily DH earns a decent salary and pays more bills but it’s a real knock to my self worth as I thought I would achieve more in life.

Money only matters because it allows us to live. So I understand the depression.

Surely as long as you're not struggling to pay the bills it doesn't matter what your 'worth' I'm a community carer on £12 an hour. DP earns a good wage, so I don't really care that I barely earn 20k as I love the job

I get nearer £50k and as a single income I still barely scrape by because of the high mortgage costs.

But I know I'm lucky.

Plus to be honest I changed jobs to get this salary's and I'm pretty deeply unhappy.

Without knowing what you do or what qualifications you have or how long you've worked in your field/role it's impossible to provide much valuable insight.
However, 35k is average - meaning many, many people earn more and many, many people earn less.
And those salaries are skewed by a small number of extremely high earners - mostly in London - and the general divide between wages in London and the SE and wages in other parts of the country.
You've said you earn more than average, and you're 32. A salary of - let's say 36k - doesn't seem especially bad for your age and the fact you're doing better than average highlights that.
Again, without knowing your industry and other details it's impossible to say if your salary is "fair".
If you're unhappy with your pay, you can decided how to rectify it: change employer, change career, get a promotion, get more qualifications. It may not happen quickly but with the best part of 40yrs of work ahead of you there's no point thinking "short term".

Yeah it's rubbish

COL is going up, salaries aren't

I think it would be more beneficial for you to focus on your thinking styles, rather than how much you earn if you want to increase your contentment.

You earn more than average (and live outside of London), with a partner who earns what you perceive to be a 'decent' salary. You have recently got pregnant after struggling with fertility.

It sounds like low mood is more around your negative thinking, and even if you earned more etc etc if you don't change this you will always find something negative to fixate on.

Is that the median or the mean?

If your job type and sector allow for chasing higher pay as you say, then surely you just pick up when you’re done with maternity leave? I earnt well below the national average until I changed career when I was about your age. I started that new job on what was a little below national average (a huge jump) and within a few years it had gone up considerably.

I could understand your despondency if you were stuck in a career without prospects, but it doesn’t sound like you are. You chose to stick with your company for the maternity benefits, which is a sound decision. You have plenty of time to grow your career, so don’t worry.

It says I’m in the top 90% of earners, which is great but I can’t even afford to buy a house (in the South East), so I often feel like I’m working so hard with little to show for it. But I know I’m fortunate to earn a decent amount, but I’ve not always been a higher earner, I was a single teenage mum and have worked really hard (despite some serious health issues too) to get this far. I just wish I could buy (90% sure I’ll leave the SE in 2.5yrs when youngest child goes to Uni and will then buy, love it here though).

I’m 47 it’s taken my entire working career to get to £40k that’s 30 years. That doesn’t piss me off, what pisses me off is that two men who no longer see their children have had flourishing careers because mine has been put on the back burner from raising their children alone.

I'm almost 56 and am on less than £30k after taking a year out. I don't have a husband or partner (though I am fortunate enough to not have a mortgage) but I love my job and make a difference in it. My late husband used to always focus on what he didn't have rather than on what he did, and it didn't end well for him. Stay positive, work your way up, remember to look for the good stuff every day.

I'm degree educated, have been working hard since 13 and earn £26k in my 40s and am a single parent so just be glad you aren't me!

I'd appreciate tips on not tying your self worth to your salary from PPs! I was always the poor kid at school and rich=better was always the narrative :(

Do not equate your salary to self worth. I would not get out of bed to do my job in A&E if I did that! I work like a dog, where it is physically/mentally and emotionally demanding but sometimes rewarding🙃. I wish government recognised I was worth as much as 35k.
Don't doubt your worthiness and be grateful your dh has a nice salary and enjoy life 😘

You alone earn 10k more than our household income for a family of 5.

I would rather be poor but happy with my family than rich and worked to death away from them.

If you want that then you need the median salary, ie the middle one, the mean, add them up and divide by the number of numbers, is always skewed by the extremes.

To earn an ‘average wage’ in the UK, you actually have to earn quite a high salary compared to majority of population.

The ‘mean wage’ tells you the most common salary which is far less than £35k a year.

This is because the top 5 per cent earn such huge amounts that it’s skews the results for ‘the average’.

I’m not across the latest figures but remember an old radio 4 programme saying that the ‘average salary’ puts you in top 10% of earners in the UK. ( or something close to that…will dig out the stats)

its an interesting lesson in inequality.

I currently earn less than 1k a year so I must be completely worthless in your eyes.

@Didshejustsaythatoutloud I wish they recognised and knew what it's like on the coal face. You deserve more.

... A little thing, but I think it would be useful for you to start a kind of gratitude journal, where every day (or as often as you manage) you write down at least one thing you are grateful for and maybe aim for three ...

.... It could be something as simple as a really good cup of tea or noticing the.changing colours of nature in the seasons, or something as big as finally getting pregnant after so long of wanting to or the health of your loved ones.

You are still young and have years and years to increase your earnings. I was a high earner before having children but my job was not compatible with having young kids. I took time out to be a fulltime mum, then retrained about 10 years ago. Only now is my salary creeping back up to something resembling my previous income and there is still potential to increase it further. I suppose I just want to say nothing is fixed. Things change, priorities change. If salary is important, you have plenty of opportunity to increase it. For now a good maternity package is a great advantage.

I think you should consider the average for your area. If you’re in the midlands you’re probably a fair bit higher than average because London is pushing the national average up. Where I live the average salary is £23k so £35k is highly desirable and you’re considered to be doing very well for yourself.

Here's a tip!! Poor people/people who have experienced poverty are better people. They/we are more genuine, less superficial/materialistic and kinder than those who have never experienced it. Not always but mostly 😚

Just checked - the average salary in the Midlands in April 2022 was 26k.

the median salary in UK is £28k.

so you are ahead of the curve. You are also only 32, with at least that many working years ahead of you!

I'd love 35K!

I used to earn a little bit more than that but Covid happened and I was made redundant. I'm 57 and haven't been able to regain my footing. I work for peanuts now: zero hours work and minimum wage. Welcome to ageism in the workplace. I'll probably earned half of that this year and am surviving on a shoestring and charm.

At least you are young enough for your salary potential to grow and I've only told you all this so you'll see how lucky you currently are. Wait til you hit mid 50s. A recent study (Jan 23) stated that only 4 out of 10 managers would be willing to hire someone over 50. That's a bit of an eye opener isn't it - one that everyone beneath that age has to look forward to...

For someone like me, you're in a very good position.

This is the November release of the median weekly earnings.

Lots of variation depending on gender, role and location

Employee earnings in the UK - Office for National Statistics (ons.gov.uk)