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AIBU?

To get my DH to do this...

81 replies

classof2005 · 08/01/2024 00:57

I'm having a bit of a mental health crisis and I think my job has triggered it. It's the day before I'm due to go in and I'm quite literally vomiting and having a panic attack, I'm shaking uncontrollably.
I don't need the job money wise... my DH knows the boss. Aibu to get him to go and have a word and say I won't be in as I'm having a MH crisis? I'm going to ring the crisis team and get to get help

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 08/01/2024 01:00

I'm sorry you're struggling and I think it's a reasonable thing to do.
Hope you start to feel better soon.

Nttttt · 08/01/2024 01:02

I think it would be unreasonable. Most people don’t have the luxury of hubby knowing the boss and would have to contact themselves (as is usually protocol.)

Also as a business owner I would want to hear from a team member, not from their partner but even a text or email if the didn’t want to talk would be fine by me. I’d also want to keep that communication open so I could help out in anyway and also be kept in the loop for cover etc.

I hope you’re able to get some help OP, January is a horrible time and can really mess your MH up x

classof2005 · 08/01/2024 01:03

@Nttttt If I am to message or email.. what shall I say?

OP posts:
classof2005 · 08/01/2024 01:04

I'm struggling so bad I'm shaking in a heap. Hot and cold sweats, severe nausea, I can't breathe, my hands are tingling.. I'm 35 and I've just rang my dad at 1am saying please help me

OP posts:
SleepyRich · 08/01/2024 01:05

You dont need to give any explanation, just follow the companies sickness policy and report you're not well to be in. Upto 1 week you can self certify, more than a week you need a letter from your GP but don't worry about that now - decide how you/dh is going to let your employer know you're not going to be in, can you just email? Then that's one less thing to think about and sounds like it's a trigger so good to get clear, then focus on what you need moving on

QueenOfTheLabyrinth · 08/01/2024 01:07

I was a business owner too and having the male partner of a female employee call up would be a red flag to me without also hearing from my employee themselves as I had a duty of care. Some sort of the communication with my employee & their partner explaining further would be fine though.

Thro · 08/01/2024 01:07

It will look a lot better if you report it than your DH.

If you can’t face calling work, send a message to say you won’t be in due to stress.

Then ring the crisis team, I hope you feel better soon.

classof2005 · 08/01/2024 01:11

Thank you. Is anyone free to talk to me

OP posts:
SleepyRich · 08/01/2024 01:11

Just something simple, any sensible boss just needs to know you're ok when you don't show up, they'll understand illness often happens last minute and you don't have a lot of notice.

Dear ....,

I hope this email finds you well. I am writing to inform you that due to sudden health concerns that have arisen overnight I will not be able to attend work today.

I apologise for any inconvenience this may cause and appreciate your understanding and support during this time. I will keep you updated on my situation and intend to return to work as soon as I am able.

Best regards,

Nttttt · 08/01/2024 01:12

classof2005 · 08/01/2024 01:04

I'm struggling so bad I'm shaking in a heap. Hot and cold sweats, severe nausea, I can't breathe, my hands are tingling.. I'm 35 and I've just rang my dad at 1am saying please help me

@SleepyRich is also right, you don’t need to say anything if you don’t want your boss to know, you just need to follow company procedure which oftentimes is to call in personally.

I’ve had employees call me in absolute tears before and telling me everything (which I appreciate as I feel they trust me and I’m able to support.) but you could just call in sick. I’m assuming protocol is to call in so you could call and say I’m unwell and will get a drs note if I continue off longer than a week.

If you really can’t call then personally I would send a text at least. It’s from you and seems more rational than getting hubby to call in. I’m unsure how your boss if but personally as an employer I would be comfortable with you saying you didn’t want to discuss now but you’re struggling with mental health and would require the day off

JingleSnowmanTree · 08/01/2024 01:12

You're in too bad a way to worry about how they're told, let DH do it & you focus on getting control of your symptoms.

Do you want/need DH to be home with you tomorrow? If you do, have you told him, so he can get that organised.

Get some fresh air & do whatever you can to calm down

xx

SleepyRich · 08/01/2024 01:14
Latewinter · 08/01/2024 01:17

It's fine to do this OP. You're going to be okay.

classof2005 · 08/01/2024 01:20

How can I get through the night? DH needs sleep, dc in bed. I feel like getting in my car in my dressing gown and driving the 5 miles to my parents house.. my safe space even now.. should I do this?
I knew this job has been playing on my mind all Christmas but the night before I'm due back I didn't expect physically symptoms like this
Can you work a notice period while on sick? I don't know if I can go back

OP posts:
Faceache45 · 08/01/2024 01:20

I'm sorry you are struggling. I think you should email your boss or get your husband to do it but from you at your email address.

Dear boss,

Unfortunately, I'm feeling unwell and will be unable to attend work on Monday the 8th of January.

All the best

@classof2005

If you are feeling really unwell you can present at A&E. I have attended with a friend in the past and she was supported.

Latewinter · 08/01/2024 01:21

I've been in a similar place tonight, it's so horrible. Try to detach from the thoughts about your job - ask your dh to do this or text him if he's asleep whatever and that put it aside for now. Remember that the worst thing that can happen if you have a panic attack is you have a panic attack and then it's over. It's awful but it doesn't kill or injure you. It passes like a storm.

It's in your body so comfort your body. Try a hot bath, brown noise on Spotify,. Is your husband around, could you get a hug, that helps me? Stroke a pet, put on some Tv for distraction..

Faceache45 · 08/01/2024 01:23

classof2005 · 08/01/2024 01:20

How can I get through the night? DH needs sleep, dc in bed. I feel like getting in my car in my dressing gown and driving the 5 miles to my parents house.. my safe space even now.. should I do this?
I knew this job has been playing on my mind all Christmas but the night before I'm due back I didn't expect physically symptoms like this
Can you work a notice period while on sick? I don't know if I can go back

Don't make any big decisions now. You aren't in the right frame of mind.

If you want to go to your parents, can you gey an uber? I wouldn't drive it the state your in.

Faceache45 · 08/01/2024 01:25

I find guided meditation on YouTube good. Micheal Sealy is very good.

PeopleAreWeird · 08/01/2024 01:27

You say you dont need the money

The job is causing you panic attacks

Leave the job!
Let your husband ring in for you - Its not the end if the world

Tonight - Wake your husband and talk to him

Latewinter · 08/01/2024 01:27

You don't need to decide now about your notice period or going back. Just decide you're not going in tomorrow and let it go for now.
Your DH would probably want you to wake him up. You might start feeling better quite quickly with some in-person support. Your whole system feels under threat right now and being alone makes that harder. Did your dad answer the phone?
It's horrible to be blindsided like this. I really feel for you OP.

classof2005 · 08/01/2024 01:55

I've made it to my dad's. I'm not sure how I drove but I did. I'm now in my teenage bedroom rocking with my head in a plastic bowl as I still feel so sick. He's being very caring.

OP posts:
PeopleAreWeird · 08/01/2024 01:58

Did you tell your husband where you were going?

classof2005 · 08/01/2024 01:59

@PeopleAreWeird No. I didn't want to wake him but the ring doorbell woke him up anyway so by the time I pulled up I had a missed call from him

OP posts:
PeopleAreWeird · 08/01/2024 02:00

Did you answer? Have you spoken to him?

classof2005 · 08/01/2024 02:02

Yeah I rang back as soon as I pulled up here. I said I'm sorry to have woke him up but I'm feeling really sick and having a massive panic attack or something I just don't know what to do with myself.
He just said he worried as he heard the ring doorbell and the door shut so thought I'd maybe gone to the bin or something but then he never heard the door open again so panicked.
He was sympathetic but said he's sick of this job taking over our lives.

OP posts:
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