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AIBU?

To get my DH to do this...

81 replies

classof2005 · 08/01/2024 00:57

I'm having a bit of a mental health crisis and I think my job has triggered it. It's the day before I'm due to go in and I'm quite literally vomiting and having a panic attack, I'm shaking uncontrollably.
I don't need the job money wise... my DH knows the boss. Aibu to get him to go and have a word and say I won't be in as I'm having a MH crisis? I'm going to ring the crisis team and get to get help

OP posts:
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user1492757084 · 08/01/2024 04:13

You need to seek proper anxiety treatment.
Do you need to catch a taxi instead of driving?
Do you need to be on medication?
I would not get your DH to speak for you.
Do you think your body feels all the signs of anxiety partly because you do not 'need to work' as you say and you will not starve if you don't work. Necessity is a great motivator.

I would break the work day up into parts and concentrate on one at a time...
Getting dressed
Driving to work
Walking in the door
Setting up at your desk
...and so on until you complete each day.
Give yourself a pat on the back when you complete each task.
Your body is having a normal reaction (for you) to anxiety about work. Can you acknowledge the nausea, the cold sweats etc but tell your body it will survive but you will be going to work regardless.

Counselling and medication could help you

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101Nutella · 08/01/2024 04:29

@classof2005 yes you can be off sick during your notice period. I’d you have accrued any annual leave then you can take that too so you aren’t in.

im sorry you’re feeling like this. Is there any chance you are poorly with a bug as well as anxious etc? Could be making everything worse. Is there a distraction method you can use in the house? I watch stand up and check symptoms after 15 minutes. I’d the same or no worse the I know I’m fine. Also Star jumps/dancing/shaking to use up the adrenaline.

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RakiBB · 08/01/2024 06:21

I’m so sorry you are in crisis. New ADs can take a bit of time to be effective but you could ask your GP to prescribe beta blockers like propranolol as you can take them as and when you have these symptoms of panic. They can really help elevate the symptoms which then allows your mind to calm down too. I’d just call in sick as is protocol (not ask DH) and then make an appointment with your GP to sign you off work for a week or two (and prescribe the beta blockers if you can take them) and then start making a plan for a new job - this one sounds like it really is causing more stress than is feasible long term, so there is not point putting yourself through this anguish. I really do empathise but there is a way out. As for parents as safe spaces, I totally understand. Your parents are your parents and if your relationship is good and supportive they will always feel like a safe and protective space, because we can revert when under such huge pressure. I know it may not feel so right now but you are safe and you will be ok. Hope you feel better soon.

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RakiBB · 08/01/2024 06:22

I meant alleviate!!

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Redcar78 · 08/01/2024 06:29

Get DH to talk to him, most companies are fine with a close relative reporting the leave if it's an emergency and a MG emergency is still an emergency xx

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FlamingoQueen · 08/01/2024 07:06

I hope that you are okay this morning.
Speak to your Dr tomorrow - can you get signed off for a month, just to give you some breathing space?
Your job should not make you feel this way. If you can afford to leave, I would, but don’t actually go back there.

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Emmaheather · 08/01/2024 07:50

classof2005 · 08/01/2024 02:53

Can started new antidepressants have an effect like this? Ironically I started taking them as I hoped they would help me cope better with how I've been feeling about work.

I'm taking 10mg Escitalopram sorry not citalopram x

Sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time.. just to say, some antidepressants can increase anxiety symptoms in the short term, while getting use to them. It's a bit rubbish and drs don't always let people know which makes it more difficult to manage if it's not what you are expecting. You definitely need to speak to your GP about this and how you are feeling. Glad you have an appointment booked. Take care.

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HelloDaisy · 08/01/2024 08:44

So sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment. Glad you have people to lean on and support you.

Your dh can ring in to your work for you, that’s not a problem at all. I run a business and wouldn’t be bothered if a relative rang in as I would just be concerned for that employee. They could then ring or message me when they were able to for an update.

Some medications can make you feel worse when you start them before they start working properly but do speak with your doctor tomorrow . Maybe ask for an urgent referral to the mental health team so you have some specialised support.

Hope you are ok today and feeling more settled now it’s daylight and you don’t have the added stress of thinking about going to work to contend with..

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HoldMeCloserTonyDancer · 08/01/2024 09:09

Hermittrismegistus · 08/01/2024 02:05

No child needs to wake up knowing their mother has randomly gone in the night. What a sure way to cause anxiety issues in children.

You say you don't actually need the job money wise. Make the grown up decision to just leave the job and go back home.

Agree. In the kindest possible way, no job is worth making yourself feel like this over. I do understand how you feel. I’ve been there although not quite as bad. Why live like this? Why do it to yourself and everyone who loves you? Bin off the job.

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CatOnAMushroom · 08/01/2024 09:15

Just to agree with other posters, starting the meds will likely be the cause of your increased anxiety. It will settle with time and your GP can prescribe something to calm you if needed in the interim. Just concentrate on getting yourself through this period safely and don't worry about the future or big decisions at the moment

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Amitheonlynormalone · 08/01/2024 09:32

I can really sympathise and have been in a position where a job made me contemplate suicide.

Just hand in your notice and get the doctor to sign you off for the duration and never look back.

I'm glad you got to your safe space, don't listen to those trying to make you feel guilty, your child is perfectly ok with her father.

Good luck with everything, this is the bottom and the only way now is up.

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OCDmama · 08/01/2024 09:33

OP this might be the citalopram making it worse.

The first two weeks of taking them were the absolute worst. One of the severe side effects of starting is suicidal thoughts. It will ease off.

I'm actually on sertraline now and going on those was much smoother.

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Mabelface · 08/01/2024 09:34

The meds can increase anxiety when you first start taking them, and when you increase the disease, but they pass in a couple of weeks. Might be worth asking the GP for beta blockers too, as they very quickly deal with the physical symptoms of a panic attack.

As for the job, yes call in sick and no job is worth damaging your health for. You can afford to leave, so do it and take time to heal before looking for something else. And yes, you can be off sick during your notice period. They may even put you on garden leave.

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Fingeronthebutton · 08/01/2024 09:35

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25yearstilretirement · 08/01/2024 09:43

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Nttttt · 08/01/2024 09:44

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Panic attack and anxiety attacks are different.

i believe OP was having an anxiety attack.

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FartVandelay · 08/01/2024 10:00

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Totally unnecessary comment. Just wow - show a bit of compassion

@classof2005 hope you are a bit better today

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Latewinter · 08/01/2024 10:01

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Just don't. Listen to how the OP was suffering last night and just try not to do the MN thing of getting at her for no goddamn reason.

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Latewinter · 08/01/2024 10:01

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And the same to you too.

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diefledermaus · 08/01/2024 10:01

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You are a very sad person to feel this was necessary after reading the thread and seeing the state the OP was in. Sad and completely lacking in empathy.

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diefledermaus · 08/01/2024 10:03

OP, other than having to read two horrible comments this morning I hope you are feeling a little better. I'm so sorry you felt that way.
Glad you are with your dad and able to get some rest today. It does sound like if the job isn't needed, it's time to let it go.
Good luck to you

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Pringlesaremyspiritanimal · 08/01/2024 10:12

OP I hope things are feeling a little less frightening this morning.

I can really recommend a free app called Breathing Zone. I’ve attached some screenshots to show which settings I find useful.

Basically the app visually shows you when to breathe in and when to breathe out in order that your breathing is equal.

Equal breathing is the quickest way to get your system regulated again. 80% of the messages received by our brains come from what’s happening in our bodies so if you change your breathing, your body responds and signals to your brain that you’re safe.

I’d recommend the app to anyone tbh, it’s great for lowering blood pressure too.

To get my DH to do this...
To get my DH to do this...
To get my DH to do this...
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ManateeFair · 08/01/2024 10:13

I don't need the job money wise.

Apologies if I'm missing something here, but if you don't need the money and the job is literally making you physically and mentally ill, why haven't you just resigned? You mention that your husband is sick of your job 'taking over your lives' so presumably he would be supportive if you decided to leave?

I completely understand carrying on with a job that makes you feel this bad if you have no other option (I've been there!) but I can't see why you would keep working in this role if you don't actually need to.

I also suspect, by the way, that your GP would sign you off sick if you felt that would be helpful.

I hope you managed to get some sleep last night, eventually Flowers

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iamstrugglingalot · 08/01/2024 10:20

@25yearstilretirement @Fingeronthebutton

No need for those comments. Have you nothing better to do than kick a struggling woman when she's down? This place is getting worse I swear to god.

Hope you're ok, OP Flowers

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iamstrugglingalot · 08/01/2024 10:47

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Well this explains a lot.

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