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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Kicked my boyfriend out instead of believing he’s story of where he was on a night out

110 replies

Lolared · 07/01/2024 15:50

So not had a very good relationship with this man so far but things have been going ok for the last year he stopped drinking , he mentioned going on a work do for Christmas- so drinking. He going with he’s work friend who doesn’t drink and said he would show he’s face have a few and leave. Also the fact he had to pick he’s son up the next day at 7am . I was holding a lot of things back I wanted to say but was giving the benefit of the doubt - I half believed it .
he rings me about 6 tells me he’s there etc. I don’t ring him at all I didn’t want to look like I didn’t trust him so left him to it .

It got to about quarter past 11 I’m thinking he’s losing track of time so I call he says he’s leaving soon 1 more beer.

It’s 12:30 I call no answer 2 times so I ring fred no answer.
I ring Fred’s girlfriend she says fred left don’t know where your boyfriend is but Fred’s on he’s way home.
My boyfriend calls back I ask where are u Fred’s gone home thought u we’re leaving with him- says him and others have gone to another bar but doesn’t know what it’s called.
How can he not know where he is so I call back , no answer- 20 calls no answer .

he had my daughters old iPhone as he’s was broken so I went onto the find my iPhone app and look at he’s location it’s coming up at a travel lodge!
I texted him -

“ saying your in a bar when your in a f*** travel lodge we are done don’t come to my house “.

An hour later Fred calls - “why are u saying he’s in a travel lodge he’s not I just spoke to him”

I say I can see he’s location, he says that’s a load of s* he just called me then gets abusive saying don’t call my f**ing wife ever again shouting down the phone so I end the call.
I text and say don’t ever talk to me like that I simply asked if she knew where you both was no one was picking up I’m never rude to u or her so I don’t expect u to be rude to me.

i looked at the address on Google maps , there’s a bar at the end of the road but the location isn’t even close to it it’s very much in the travel lodge building.

I go to bed , 5:30 am he knocks at the door . I say nothing open it and go to bed he sleeps on the sofa.
Come 10am he’s still asleep. He’s baby mum is now calling me asking what’s going on he’s meant to be getting he’s son .
He wakes up and goes to get him then calls me saying I’ve just seen your text what are you going on about.
I said well if you wasn’t you can prove to me with your card payments - would be at said bar - yes I will show u the whole phone anything u want to see.
also your mate spoke to me like absolute garbage he said he will get him to apologise.

The weekend goes by,I look after he’s children, he’s hungover sleeping so i get them showers dinner bedtime, next day - breakfast showers and dinner . Boyfriend hasn’t attempted to show me anything or even spoken about it .
No attempt of an apology from Fred either.
I don’t want any conflict in front of the children so I just wait , they go home.

I ask about it , he goes off on one says I’m belittling him. We have a huge row but he still doesn’t show me any proof against it .
im then crying , he gets the phone logs into the banking and its got nothing from the bar and nothing from the travel lodge.
just withdrawing cash at a tesco next to the travel lodge! So it’s proven nothing . We continue arguing I say why have I had to beg this out of you then it’s being deflected back to me , he rubs he’s eyes says please stop talking I don’t care and goes to bed .
goes off to work the next day.

I’m still upset but thinking maybe he’s telling the truth that’s why he’s so unbothered about proving it 🤷🏼‍♀️ he comes in from work shouting being rude about something else . Goes out slamming the door.

Thats the last straw for me , I pack ALL he’s things , I organise it all label every single bag it takes me 2 hours ( he had so many clothes 😑)
I put it all outside on the doorstep with a note saying please take everything don’t contact me , anything I’ve forgotten come back with a court order or a police escort within 30 days or it’s going in the bin.

He comes back sees all the bags , is at the window saying what the f* ,your mad your a mug, kicks my front door and breaks the hinges . He takes everything 🙏🏻🙌🏻 and goes.

Sorry for how long this is I wanted to explain as much as possible to get an outsiders perspective.
Anyone think he was telling the truth ?
also forgot to add he turned the location off after I sent the text about being in a travel lodge so from about 1:30 to 5:30 he’s location is unknown.
TIA xx

OP posts:
tsmainsqueeze · 07/01/2024 15:57

'So not had a very good relationship with this man so far '
Says it all ,you can clearly do better.

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/01/2024 16:00

He sounds absolutely awful. I wouldn't believe a word he said and if he's caused a lot of damage to your front door then I think you should tell the police.

premiur · 07/01/2024 16:00

tsmainsqueeze · 07/01/2024 15:57

'So not had a very good relationship with this man so far '
Says it all ,you can clearly do better.

This. The rest of your post is not needed.

Wherearemymarbles · 07/01/2024 16:04

We use find my location a lot as a family.
It does occasionally show an incorrect location but never for long and often corrects when you are looking at the screen or if you close the app and reopen again a minutes later.
so from my experience he was definitely at the travel lodge and if he switched off location that just proves it.

You made the right decision

Wheresthefibre · 07/01/2024 16:05

Honestly, this is awful.

i was going to type out some detail why, but it’s all there. Never have him back.

Emma0For0 · 07/01/2024 16:05

Jesus, what are you thinking.
Give your head a wobble and never see this piece of tray again. He literally doesn't care about you at all.

Emma0For0 · 07/01/2024 16:06

Oh and 100% he was at that travel lodge. Balls deep I imagine.

PonyPatter44 · 07/01/2024 16:07

Yeah, he's basically a wanker and you're well rid of him. He's committed criminal damage at your home as well - is it worth overlooking that just to get this twerp out of your life?

Lolared · 07/01/2024 16:11

PonyPatter44 · 07/01/2024 16:07

Yeah, he's basically a wanker and you're well rid of him. He's committed criminal damage at your home as well - is it worth overlooking that just to get this twerp out of your life?

Yes I’ve fixed the door myself , I’d rather have the door broken than have him in my life tbh thats an ideal swap if you ask me 🙌🏻

OP posts:
NewYearNewPyjamas · 07/01/2024 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Zanatdy · 07/01/2024 16:14

The locations can be wrong but I think it sounds like you’re so much better out of this anyway

TTCMama88 · 07/01/2024 16:14

You did the right thing 100%

scaredofthefuture2024 · 07/01/2024 16:16

It's irrelevant whether he is telling the truth his behaviour towards you is awful.

Also if he was telling the truth he'd have offered evidence immediately not made you wait/force you to ask.

This man does not respect you.

ReJoyce · 07/01/2024 16:16

His "baby mum", by this do you mean his ex partner who he has had a child with?

momonpurpose · 07/01/2024 16:16

The fact that after the travel lodge text he turned his location off says all.

Wheresthefibre · 07/01/2024 16:16

The whole ‘the location was wrong’ is the least of the problems here.

KathrynWheel · 07/01/2024 16:18

Those poor children. Living amongst all that.

Lolared · 07/01/2024 16:19

Wherearemymarbles · 07/01/2024 16:04

We use find my location a lot as a family.
It does occasionally show an incorrect location but never for long and often corrects when you are looking at the screen or if you close the app and reopen again a minutes later.
so from my experience he was definitely at the travel lodge and if he switched off location that just proves it.

You made the right decision

This is what was throwing me off , it kept moving but it never moved over to the bar the wider blue circle always stayed in or outside the travel lodge . Sneaky sneaky c**t . I think he forgot I could see the location 🤣

Kicked my boyfriend out instead of believing he’s story of where he was on a night out
OP posts:
NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 07/01/2024 16:21

End it.

So what if he's telling the truth that he was in a bar all night?

He was supposed to pick up his son at 7am the next morning and he didn't. Does it really make him Father of the Year material if he let his son down because he was out drinking all night?

Don't go out with men who treat their kids like shit.

Lolared · 07/01/2024 16:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I’m so paranoid about the grammar as I know I’m getting it all wrong . I really appreciate the constructive criticism thank you 🙏🏻

OP posts:
Goodbye2023 · 07/01/2024 16:23

He's gone; you will heal and make better choices in the future. Yes he was at the travel lodge.

NoTouch · 07/01/2024 16:23

We don't know if he was there or not, you know him better than us.

But it does sound like it isn't a healthy mature relationship built on trust, respect and an ability to communicate to each other, which is the bare minimum you should be looking for, so you have done the right thing.

Don't understand why you acted like a door mat after that behaviour and looked after his children all weekend while he slept.

Just value yourself and don't have him back. No one needs that drama.

tenbob · 07/01/2024 16:24

He was clearly in the Travelodge, and you’ve done the right thing ending it

He sounds like no end of trouble and not anyone you will miss

Voucherwoes · 07/01/2024 16:24

Just end it. To be fair that’s the middle
of Shoreditch - there are a ton of bars there, but the rest all just sounds awful anyway.

If you’re at a point where you are calling his friends wives while they’re out - you’ve lot all trust anway and his reaction of kicking your door is terrible as well.

Bringonthesun24 · 07/01/2024 16:25

How much money did he withdraw?
My first thought when I saw withdrawal of money next to a travel lodge is, meeting an escort in a room. Therefore no bar receipts and no travel lodge receipts as paying in cash.
Withdrawing cash so can't be traced what he did