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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Kicked my boyfriend out instead of believing he’s story of where he was on a night out

110 replies

Lolared · 07/01/2024 15:50

So not had a very good relationship with this man so far but things have been going ok for the last year he stopped drinking , he mentioned going on a work do for Christmas- so drinking. He going with he’s work friend who doesn’t drink and said he would show he’s face have a few and leave. Also the fact he had to pick he’s son up the next day at 7am . I was holding a lot of things back I wanted to say but was giving the benefit of the doubt - I half believed it .
he rings me about 6 tells me he’s there etc. I don’t ring him at all I didn’t want to look like I didn’t trust him so left him to it .

It got to about quarter past 11 I’m thinking he’s losing track of time so I call he says he’s leaving soon 1 more beer.

It’s 12:30 I call no answer 2 times so I ring fred no answer.
I ring Fred’s girlfriend she says fred left don’t know where your boyfriend is but Fred’s on he’s way home.
My boyfriend calls back I ask where are u Fred’s gone home thought u we’re leaving with him- says him and others have gone to another bar but doesn’t know what it’s called.
How can he not know where he is so I call back , no answer- 20 calls no answer .

he had my daughters old iPhone as he’s was broken so I went onto the find my iPhone app and look at he’s location it’s coming up at a travel lodge!
I texted him -

“ saying your in a bar when your in a f*** travel lodge we are done don’t come to my house “.

An hour later Fred calls - “why are u saying he’s in a travel lodge he’s not I just spoke to him”

I say I can see he’s location, he says that’s a load of s* he just called me then gets abusive saying don’t call my f**ing wife ever again shouting down the phone so I end the call.
I text and say don’t ever talk to me like that I simply asked if she knew where you both was no one was picking up I’m never rude to u or her so I don’t expect u to be rude to me.

i looked at the address on Google maps , there’s a bar at the end of the road but the location isn’t even close to it it’s very much in the travel lodge building.

I go to bed , 5:30 am he knocks at the door . I say nothing open it and go to bed he sleeps on the sofa.
Come 10am he’s still asleep. He’s baby mum is now calling me asking what’s going on he’s meant to be getting he’s son .
He wakes up and goes to get him then calls me saying I’ve just seen your text what are you going on about.
I said well if you wasn’t you can prove to me with your card payments - would be at said bar - yes I will show u the whole phone anything u want to see.
also your mate spoke to me like absolute garbage he said he will get him to apologise.

The weekend goes by,I look after he’s children, he’s hungover sleeping so i get them showers dinner bedtime, next day - breakfast showers and dinner . Boyfriend hasn’t attempted to show me anything or even spoken about it .
No attempt of an apology from Fred either.
I don’t want any conflict in front of the children so I just wait , they go home.

I ask about it , he goes off on one says I’m belittling him. We have a huge row but he still doesn’t show me any proof against it .
im then crying , he gets the phone logs into the banking and its got nothing from the bar and nothing from the travel lodge.
just withdrawing cash at a tesco next to the travel lodge! So it’s proven nothing . We continue arguing I say why have I had to beg this out of you then it’s being deflected back to me , he rubs he’s eyes says please stop talking I don’t care and goes to bed .
goes off to work the next day.

I’m still upset but thinking maybe he’s telling the truth that’s why he’s so unbothered about proving it 🤷🏼‍♀️ he comes in from work shouting being rude about something else . Goes out slamming the door.

Thats the last straw for me , I pack ALL he’s things , I organise it all label every single bag it takes me 2 hours ( he had so many clothes 😑)
I put it all outside on the doorstep with a note saying please take everything don’t contact me , anything I’ve forgotten come back with a court order or a police escort within 30 days or it’s going in the bin.

He comes back sees all the bags , is at the window saying what the f* ,your mad your a mug, kicks my front door and breaks the hinges . He takes everything 🙏🏻🙌🏻 and goes.

Sorry for how long this is I wanted to explain as much as possible to get an outsiders perspective.
Anyone think he was telling the truth ?
also forgot to add he turned the location off after I sent the text about being in a travel lodge so from about 1:30 to 5:30 he’s location is unknown.
TIA xx

OP posts:
ObsidianGrape · 12/01/2024 17:39

Why would he take cash out of cash machine near Travelodge? If he'd been using his card all night? Seems like he was trying to cover his tracks by paying for a hotel room in cash!

NewYearNewPyjamas · 12/01/2024 17:39

That's great news! Very strong and independent of you - it's not as easy as Mumsnet makes out. I hope it stays that way but you really should be proud of yourself for how you've dealt with this Flowers

Lolared · 16/01/2024 04:49

Lolared · 07/01/2024 15:50

So not had a very good relationship with this man so far but things have been going ok for the last year he stopped drinking , he mentioned going on a work do for Christmas- so drinking. He going with he’s work friend who doesn’t drink and said he would show he’s face have a few and leave. Also the fact he had to pick he’s son up the next day at 7am . I was holding a lot of things back I wanted to say but was giving the benefit of the doubt - I half believed it .
he rings me about 6 tells me he’s there etc. I don’t ring him at all I didn’t want to look like I didn’t trust him so left him to it .

It got to about quarter past 11 I’m thinking he’s losing track of time so I call he says he’s leaving soon 1 more beer.

It’s 12:30 I call no answer 2 times so I ring fred no answer.
I ring Fred’s girlfriend she says fred left don’t know where your boyfriend is but Fred’s on he’s way home.
My boyfriend calls back I ask where are u Fred’s gone home thought u we’re leaving with him- says him and others have gone to another bar but doesn’t know what it’s called.
How can he not know where he is so I call back , no answer- 20 calls no answer .

he had my daughters old iPhone as he’s was broken so I went onto the find my iPhone app and look at he’s location it’s coming up at a travel lodge!
I texted him -

“ saying your in a bar when your in a f*** travel lodge we are done don’t come to my house “.

An hour later Fred calls - “why are u saying he’s in a travel lodge he’s not I just spoke to him”

I say I can see he’s location, he says that’s a load of s* he just called me then gets abusive saying don’t call my f**ing wife ever again shouting down the phone so I end the call.
I text and say don’t ever talk to me like that I simply asked if she knew where you both was no one was picking up I’m never rude to u or her so I don’t expect u to be rude to me.

i looked at the address on Google maps , there’s a bar at the end of the road but the location isn’t even close to it it’s very much in the travel lodge building.

I go to bed , 5:30 am he knocks at the door . I say nothing open it and go to bed he sleeps on the sofa.
Come 10am he’s still asleep. He’s baby mum is now calling me asking what’s going on he’s meant to be getting he’s son .
He wakes up and goes to get him then calls me saying I’ve just seen your text what are you going on about.
I said well if you wasn’t you can prove to me with your card payments - would be at said bar - yes I will show u the whole phone anything u want to see.
also your mate spoke to me like absolute garbage he said he will get him to apologise.

The weekend goes by,I look after he’s children, he’s hungover sleeping so i get them showers dinner bedtime, next day - breakfast showers and dinner . Boyfriend hasn’t attempted to show me anything or even spoken about it .
No attempt of an apology from Fred either.
I don’t want any conflict in front of the children so I just wait , they go home.

I ask about it , he goes off on one says I’m belittling him. We have a huge row but he still doesn’t show me any proof against it .
im then crying , he gets the phone logs into the banking and its got nothing from the bar and nothing from the travel lodge.
just withdrawing cash at a tesco next to the travel lodge! So it’s proven nothing . We continue arguing I say why have I had to beg this out of you then it’s being deflected back to me , he rubs he’s eyes says please stop talking I don’t care and goes to bed .
goes off to work the next day.

I’m still upset but thinking maybe he’s telling the truth that’s why he’s so unbothered about proving it 🤷🏼‍♀️ he comes in from work shouting being rude about something else . Goes out slamming the door.

Thats the last straw for me , I pack ALL he’s things , I organise it all label every single bag it takes me 2 hours ( he had so many clothes 😑)
I put it all outside on the doorstep with a note saying please take everything don’t contact me , anything I’ve forgotten come back with a court order or a police escort within 30 days or it’s going in the bin.

He comes back sees all the bags , is at the window saying what the f* ,your mad your a mug, kicks my front door and breaks the hinges . He takes everything 🙏🏻🙌🏻 and goes.

Sorry for how long this is I wanted to explain as much as possible to get an outsiders perspective.
Anyone think he was telling the truth ?
also forgot to add he turned the location off after I sent the text about being in a travel lodge so from about 1:30 to 5:30 he’s location is unknown.
TIA xx

Quick update for the person who worked out the location was a gentleman’s club.
He's been emailing me messaging me off different numbers privately calling me I’ve ignored it and blocked so many until I got the iMessage from he’s email yesterday (out of many) saying “i feel like it was you that was doing no good and that’s the truth “
This got a reaction, a reaction that I’ve not given in to for a month ! 🤦🏻‍♀️😩 I was livid , the audacity.
I called him and said was you at a strip club?
he said yes!!
That was all I needed to know . And wanted him to know that I knew.

Thank you to the person who figured that out, honestly it felt so good to know the truth and then confront him with the truth 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

OP posts:
Theatrefan12 · 16/01/2024 06:31

i looked at the address on Google maps , there’s a bar at the end of the road but the location isn’t even close to it it’s very much in the travel lodge building

Ah sorry to hear that he is the shit you expected. But just incase it’s helpful for any other argument he comes out with The Singer Tavern is an old haunt of mine from when I worked around there and the Travelodge is actually right next door, even though on the map it looks further away. Not sure how/if that helps but good to know facts so you can catch him in any other lies

jeaux90 · 16/01/2024 07:01

What a shit man. Good, strong decision OP well done!

Pippa12 · 16/01/2024 07:14

He’s a knob your clearly better off without.

However, my husbands location showed him in Arnold Clarke once, at midnight. He was most definitely in the pub nearby.

Dont trust ‘Find my shit boyfriend’ but do trust your instincts.

threelittlescones · 16/01/2024 08:25

Lolared · 16/01/2024 04:49

Quick update for the person who worked out the location was a gentleman’s club.
He's been emailing me messaging me off different numbers privately calling me I’ve ignored it and blocked so many until I got the iMessage from he’s email yesterday (out of many) saying “i feel like it was you that was doing no good and that’s the truth “
This got a reaction, a reaction that I’ve not given in to for a month ! 🤦🏻‍♀️😩 I was livid , the audacity.
I called him and said was you at a strip club?
he said yes!!
That was all I needed to know . And wanted him to know that I knew.

Thank you to the person who figured that out, honestly it felt so good to know the truth and then confront him with the truth 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

So glad to hear you have some answers finally. I hope it gives you closure and you can move on from this waste of space, poor excuse for a man x

Anisette · 16/01/2024 09:08

This is what was throwing me off , it kept moving but it never moved over to the bar the wider blue circle always stayed in or outside the travel lodge .

Find my iPhone trackers do give the impression of moving when they aren't. We had a friend staying with us the night after a burglary as she didn't want to be in her flat on her own. On looking at the tracker for her iPad, it seemed to be moving out of her flat and she became convinced that the burglar had gone back. When we went to check, the flat was deserted and she found the iPad where she had left it - it was under a cushion and fortunately the burglar hadn't seen it.

Ryeman · 16/01/2024 09:59

Strip club or no strip club, this wasn't a good relationship so you did the right thing to end it.

SpringleDingle · 16/01/2024 10:06

He was 100% in the Travelodge!

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