Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Kicked my boyfriend out instead of believing he’s story of where he was on a night out

110 replies

Lolared · 07/01/2024 15:50

So not had a very good relationship with this man so far but things have been going ok for the last year he stopped drinking , he mentioned going on a work do for Christmas- so drinking. He going with he’s work friend who doesn’t drink and said he would show he’s face have a few and leave. Also the fact he had to pick he’s son up the next day at 7am . I was holding a lot of things back I wanted to say but was giving the benefit of the doubt - I half believed it .
he rings me about 6 tells me he’s there etc. I don’t ring him at all I didn’t want to look like I didn’t trust him so left him to it .

It got to about quarter past 11 I’m thinking he’s losing track of time so I call he says he’s leaving soon 1 more beer.

It’s 12:30 I call no answer 2 times so I ring fred no answer.
I ring Fred’s girlfriend she says fred left don’t know where your boyfriend is but Fred’s on he’s way home.
My boyfriend calls back I ask where are u Fred’s gone home thought u we’re leaving with him- says him and others have gone to another bar but doesn’t know what it’s called.
How can he not know where he is so I call back , no answer- 20 calls no answer .

he had my daughters old iPhone as he’s was broken so I went onto the find my iPhone app and look at he’s location it’s coming up at a travel lodge!
I texted him -

“ saying your in a bar when your in a f*** travel lodge we are done don’t come to my house “.

An hour later Fred calls - “why are u saying he’s in a travel lodge he’s not I just spoke to him”

I say I can see he’s location, he says that’s a load of s* he just called me then gets abusive saying don’t call my f**ing wife ever again shouting down the phone so I end the call.
I text and say don’t ever talk to me like that I simply asked if she knew where you both was no one was picking up I’m never rude to u or her so I don’t expect u to be rude to me.

i looked at the address on Google maps , there’s a bar at the end of the road but the location isn’t even close to it it’s very much in the travel lodge building.

I go to bed , 5:30 am he knocks at the door . I say nothing open it and go to bed he sleeps on the sofa.
Come 10am he’s still asleep. He’s baby mum is now calling me asking what’s going on he’s meant to be getting he’s son .
He wakes up and goes to get him then calls me saying I’ve just seen your text what are you going on about.
I said well if you wasn’t you can prove to me with your card payments - would be at said bar - yes I will show u the whole phone anything u want to see.
also your mate spoke to me like absolute garbage he said he will get him to apologise.

The weekend goes by,I look after he’s children, he’s hungover sleeping so i get them showers dinner bedtime, next day - breakfast showers and dinner . Boyfriend hasn’t attempted to show me anything or even spoken about it .
No attempt of an apology from Fred either.
I don’t want any conflict in front of the children so I just wait , they go home.

I ask about it , he goes off on one says I’m belittling him. We have a huge row but he still doesn’t show me any proof against it .
im then crying , he gets the phone logs into the banking and its got nothing from the bar and nothing from the travel lodge.
just withdrawing cash at a tesco next to the travel lodge! So it’s proven nothing . We continue arguing I say why have I had to beg this out of you then it’s being deflected back to me , he rubs he’s eyes says please stop talking I don’t care and goes to bed .
goes off to work the next day.

I’m still upset but thinking maybe he’s telling the truth that’s why he’s so unbothered about proving it 🤷🏼‍♀️ he comes in from work shouting being rude about something else . Goes out slamming the door.

Thats the last straw for me , I pack ALL he’s things , I organise it all label every single bag it takes me 2 hours ( he had so many clothes 😑)
I put it all outside on the doorstep with a note saying please take everything don’t contact me , anything I’ve forgotten come back with a court order or a police escort within 30 days or it’s going in the bin.

He comes back sees all the bags , is at the window saying what the f* ,your mad your a mug, kicks my front door and breaks the hinges . He takes everything 🙏🏻🙌🏻 and goes.

Sorry for how long this is I wanted to explain as much as possible to get an outsiders perspective.
Anyone think he was telling the truth ?
also forgot to add he turned the location off after I sent the text about being in a travel lodge so from about 1:30 to 5:30 he’s location is unknown.
TIA xx

OP posts:
Notamum12345577 · 07/01/2024 16:26

Lolared · 07/01/2024 15:50

So not had a very good relationship with this man so far but things have been going ok for the last year he stopped drinking , he mentioned going on a work do for Christmas- so drinking. He going with he’s work friend who doesn’t drink and said he would show he’s face have a few and leave. Also the fact he had to pick he’s son up the next day at 7am . I was holding a lot of things back I wanted to say but was giving the benefit of the doubt - I half believed it .
he rings me about 6 tells me he’s there etc. I don’t ring him at all I didn’t want to look like I didn’t trust him so left him to it .

It got to about quarter past 11 I’m thinking he’s losing track of time so I call he says he’s leaving soon 1 more beer.

It’s 12:30 I call no answer 2 times so I ring fred no answer.
I ring Fred’s girlfriend she says fred left don’t know where your boyfriend is but Fred’s on he’s way home.
My boyfriend calls back I ask where are u Fred’s gone home thought u we’re leaving with him- says him and others have gone to another bar but doesn’t know what it’s called.
How can he not know where he is so I call back , no answer- 20 calls no answer .

he had my daughters old iPhone as he’s was broken so I went onto the find my iPhone app and look at he’s location it’s coming up at a travel lodge!
I texted him -

“ saying your in a bar when your in a f*** travel lodge we are done don’t come to my house “.

An hour later Fred calls - “why are u saying he’s in a travel lodge he’s not I just spoke to him”

I say I can see he’s location, he says that’s a load of s* he just called me then gets abusive saying don’t call my f**ing wife ever again shouting down the phone so I end the call.
I text and say don’t ever talk to me like that I simply asked if she knew where you both was no one was picking up I’m never rude to u or her so I don’t expect u to be rude to me.

i looked at the address on Google maps , there’s a bar at the end of the road but the location isn’t even close to it it’s very much in the travel lodge building.

I go to bed , 5:30 am he knocks at the door . I say nothing open it and go to bed he sleeps on the sofa.
Come 10am he’s still asleep. He’s baby mum is now calling me asking what’s going on he’s meant to be getting he’s son .
He wakes up and goes to get him then calls me saying I’ve just seen your text what are you going on about.
I said well if you wasn’t you can prove to me with your card payments - would be at said bar - yes I will show u the whole phone anything u want to see.
also your mate spoke to me like absolute garbage he said he will get him to apologise.

The weekend goes by,I look after he’s children, he’s hungover sleeping so i get them showers dinner bedtime, next day - breakfast showers and dinner . Boyfriend hasn’t attempted to show me anything or even spoken about it .
No attempt of an apology from Fred either.
I don’t want any conflict in front of the children so I just wait , they go home.

I ask about it , he goes off on one says I’m belittling him. We have a huge row but he still doesn’t show me any proof against it .
im then crying , he gets the phone logs into the banking and its got nothing from the bar and nothing from the travel lodge.
just withdrawing cash at a tesco next to the travel lodge! So it’s proven nothing . We continue arguing I say why have I had to beg this out of you then it’s being deflected back to me , he rubs he’s eyes says please stop talking I don’t care and goes to bed .
goes off to work the next day.

I’m still upset but thinking maybe he’s telling the truth that’s why he’s so unbothered about proving it 🤷🏼‍♀️ he comes in from work shouting being rude about something else . Goes out slamming the door.

Thats the last straw for me , I pack ALL he’s things , I organise it all label every single bag it takes me 2 hours ( he had so many clothes 😑)
I put it all outside on the doorstep with a note saying please take everything don’t contact me , anything I’ve forgotten come back with a court order or a police escort within 30 days or it’s going in the bin.

He comes back sees all the bags , is at the window saying what the f* ,your mad your a mug, kicks my front door and breaks the hinges . He takes everything 🙏🏻🙌🏻 and goes.

Sorry for how long this is I wanted to explain as much as possible to get an outsiders perspective.
Anyone think he was telling the truth ?
also forgot to add he turned the location off after I sent the text about being in a travel lodge so from about 1:30 to 5:30 he’s location is unknown.
TIA xx

Did he drive to pick his son up? He would definitely have still been over the limit. Drink driving, and with his son in the car, is enough to end it I reckon!

threelittlescones · 07/01/2024 16:26

I think from that screenshot and the address, it's likely he was in "For Your Eyes Only" apparently a "gentleman's" club next door. It would make sense if he made a cash withdrawal nearby?

But either way he sounds like an arsehole. Don't take him back. You can do better.

Outforlunchallday · 07/01/2024 16:26

Well done for kicking him out. He’s not worth your time or energy.
Don't worry about the grammar. We’re all learning all the time and it’s not a big deal.

Nanny0gg · 07/01/2024 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ODFOD

This isn't the time or place for the grammar police

Hooplahooping · 07/01/2024 16:27

He got cash out a cash point at a cheap hotel - very likely paying for sex.

Sorry it all feels awful right now - you are worth more than someone who treats you like this.

Vinrouge4 · 07/01/2024 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

So superior aren’t you. Why feel the need to point that out? Nasty comment.

Nanny0gg · 07/01/2024 16:28

It doesn't matter.

Don't keep second guessing yourself

He's no good and a crap father

Leave him gone and block him

Lolared · 07/01/2024 16:28

NoTouch · 07/01/2024 16:23

We don't know if he was there or not, you know him better than us.

But it does sound like it isn't a healthy mature relationship built on trust, respect and an ability to communicate to each other, which is the bare minimum you should be looking for, so you have done the right thing.

Don't understand why you acted like a door mat after that behaviour and looked after his children all weekend while he slept.

Just value yourself and don't have him back. No one needs that drama.

It wasn’t the children’s fault I didn’t want to turn them away and cause a big scene in front of them . So I bit my tongue and waited until it was appropriate and I felt good for that. Thank you for your feedback

OP posts:
NoTouch · 07/01/2024 16:30

Lolared · 07/01/2024 16:22

I’m so paranoid about the grammar as I know I’m getting it all wrong . I really appreciate the constructive criticism thank you 🙏🏻

Don't worry about your grammar pet. Only an complete arsehole would pull you up for that and start on about possessive fucking pronouns 🥱 when you are so emotionally vulnerable and had such a tough couple of days. Got to wonder what is missing from their own lives!? 🤔

threelittlescones · 07/01/2024 16:31

threelittlescones · 07/01/2024 16:26

I think from that screenshot and the address, it's likely he was in "For Your Eyes Only" apparently a "gentleman's" club next door. It would make sense if he made a cash withdrawal nearby?

But either way he sounds like an arsehole. Don't take him back. You can do better.

It also closes at 5am so would tie in with him getting home shortly after that.

honeyandfizz · 07/01/2024 16:31

Nanny0gg · 07/01/2024 16:27

ODFOD

This isn't the time or place for the grammar police

Quite. There is always at least one twat ready to stick the boot in.

RoseBucket · 07/01/2024 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 07/01/2024 16:32

Bringonthesun24 · 07/01/2024 16:25

How much money did he withdraw?
My first thought when I saw withdrawal of money next to a travel lodge is, meeting an escort in a room. Therefore no bar receipts and no travel lodge receipts as paying in cash.
Withdrawing cash so can't be traced what he did

I agree with this.

Lolared · 07/01/2024 16:32

Bringonthesun24 · 07/01/2024 16:25

How much money did he withdraw?
My first thought when I saw withdrawal of money next to a travel lodge is, meeting an escort in a room. Therefore no bar receipts and no travel lodge receipts as paying in cash.
Withdrawing cash so can't be traced what he did

£50

OP posts:
ttcat37 · 07/01/2024 16:34

Vinrouge4 · 07/01/2024 16:28

So superior aren’t you. Why feel the need to point that out? Nasty comment.

Was she nasty though? I think she was really polite actually. The OP said thanks. If people don’t realise they’re making a mistake then they can’t correct it. Nobody was being a dick about it.

PoinsettiaLives · 07/01/2024 16:36

Yes, sounds like he was in the strip club.

This relationship is going nowhere- you don't trust him and he doesn't deserve to be trusted. Plus he's violent and aggressive. Just end it.

NewYearNewPyjamas · 07/01/2024 16:37

"I’m so paranoid about the grammar as I know I’m getting it all wrong . I really appreciate the constructive criticism thank you 🙏🏻"

Don't sweat the grammar, sweat getting out of the situation - which it sounds like you have. It's really not good for you and you don't deserve it. You could have handled the situation better (less missed calls etc) but honestly he sounds awful and expecting you to just put up with it! Not fair at all.

SauronsArsehole · 07/01/2024 16:37

I see he was in London.

yeah, with all those phone masts, WiFi etc in such close proximity you can assume the location is pretty accurate. Approximate but still pretty accurate. Travel lodge has free WiFi so the location service will use that to pinpoint itself.

it’s not like he was In the village pub and it was saying he was in a field then the post office then the pub then the middle of the local duck pond it was consistent location.

Kicked my boyfriend out instead of believing he’s story of where he was on a night out
Lolared · 07/01/2024 16:37

threelittlescones · 07/01/2024 16:26

I think from that screenshot and the address, it's likely he was in "For Your Eyes Only" apparently a "gentleman's" club next door. It would make sense if he made a cash withdrawal nearby?

But either way he sounds like an arsehole. Don't take him back. You can do better.

Really I didn’t even notice this I was just focusing on the singer taven at the bottom . Thanks so much!!

OP posts:
SauronsArsehole · 07/01/2024 16:38

NewYearNewPyjamas · 07/01/2024 16:37

"I’m so paranoid about the grammar as I know I’m getting it all wrong . I really appreciate the constructive criticism thank you 🙏🏻"

Don't sweat the grammar, sweat getting out of the situation - which it sounds like you have. It's really not good for you and you don't deserve it. You could have handled the situation better (less missed calls etc) but honestly he sounds awful and expecting you to just put up with it! Not fair at all.

And grammar can be fixed with good reading, some English skills lessons.

an arsehole like your ex can’t be fixed that easily!

Anniegetyourgun · 07/01/2024 16:38

Sounds to me like you did the decent thing by the children, not doormattish at all. You also gave their dad a decent chance at proving his innocence, which he failed to do. I think his friend's anger was at least partly a guilty conscience as he knew where your now-ex had gone and didn't want to cover for him, so got angry with you for putting him on the spot. I also think that if your relationship relied on your now-ex never drinking in case he turned into a complete asshole, you have done absolutely right by showing him the way out. Packing everything neatly was a nice touch, repaid by him bashing your door in. Lovely fellow. Congratulations on getting rid, and I hope you find someone nicer in future.

Voucherwoes · 07/01/2024 16:38

£50? To be fair god knows then - that wouldn’t pay for a travel lodge or a strip club

PoinsettiaLives · 07/01/2024 16:39

Suspect he's telling himself that he was being honest- after all I imagine there is a bar in FYEO- but he was clearly trying to mislead you.

IncompleteSenten · 07/01/2024 16:39

You're better off without him whether he was at the Travelodge or not.
What you describe is not how decent adults behave. At all. It's not worth it.

NewYearNewPyjamas · 07/01/2024 16:40

@NoTouch good grammar obvs Grin it was just a copy and paste

Swipe left for the next trending thread