Why are so many kids STILL taking the father's name?

[LefthandRight]

Is this some kind of feminist blind spot? Most kids still get the dads name and I see women saying "it was just easier", "double barrelling was a mouthful", "I don't mind". You even get situations where the mum has not taken the father's name so she has a different name to her kids but "it's no big deal" and it's like... So it's no big deal for the woman but apparently its a huge big deal for the man?

It really makes me angry because I just can't believe women have to go through the effort and intrusiveness/pain of childbirth only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them, it feels unfair

Totally agree, I double barrelled my children's names and get nothing but judgment for it to the point I question myself about it all the time when I have to use their full name to make appointments etc.. It's awful, I thought it was a lovely thing they'd have my name and feel that connection, society disagrees but I persevere!!

I didn't. They have mine. My dh has kept his.

They have his surname as a middle name.

Perhaps some women don’t see it as an ownership label and don’t attach meaning to it in the way you do.

A woman shouldn’t feel coerced into making a choice they do not subscribe to simply because ‘feminism’. Aim your anger at men who pressure their partners into it or at women who want to make that choice for their children but don’t.

My husband's surname was a much better one than my previous name.

I think it’s just a cultural norm. If it becomes a real issue you will probably find that men simply won’t consent to relationships and having children.

Because it gives something for feminists to whinge about?

Men can't help biology, I'm sure if they could give birth and free some of us women of that burden they might and some might not. I think if a woman wants her kids to have her dhs surname she has just as much of a right to choose that as she does keeping her own. My kids will have my dhs name, he's amazing, his family are amazing also and it's a name I'll be proud of them having. If someone ( a woman ) had reasons for keeping their name for their kids that would be fine also, it's what works for the family.

I just assumed that's what you do? No one questioned it.

I knew it wouldn't be long until we got the "feminism is about choice" bollocks

Indeed. The use of the word “ownership” by the OP was quite telling.

I don’t think fathers see the matter of their name as if ownership but rather passing something of theirs on to their children.

I much prefer the surname my dh and now I and our dd have. I think the important thing is being able to choose. I don't see it as anything to do with ownership nowadays though

But we often hear of men who make a big fuss and don’t want the woman’s name anywhere in the child’s name. Why aren’t they accused of ‘whinging’?

I don’t like my surname when double barrelled (makes it sound particularly posh, which we’re not). I would be annoyed if anyone presumed I was capitulating to cultural norms on the basis of my DS having the same surname as my partner.

I think if you disagree with the concept that feminism is about choice then you are the one who requires to do some introspection.

Of course a surname is about ownership. What else would it be about?

I didn't want my father's name anywhere near my children.
The day I changed mine to my dhs was a very happy day for me.
You haven't a fucking clue why some people make the choices they make.
It makes me really angry because I just can't believe that in this day and age women still have to justify their choices to ignorant women.

Because some people are happily married and like the traditions that go with it. Why can't people make their own choices without people moaning it's anti feminist. I had the final say in my kids first names because I had 'done the work' and they had their dad's last name. Not sure why you are angry, everyone has a choice and not all people are the same as you.

It's hilarious all these men with nicer surnames than women. Why do we never see men taking the woman's surname as it is nicer?

My kids all have my surname. DH couldn't find a reasonable argument as to why they should have his over mine.

I didn't take my husband's name, my kids do have his name, I never really fully thought about it beyond this is the way things are done. My 3 small ones are now 3 teenagers and I've more headspace to think about it and I do regret not double barrelling (even if it would be quite a long surname).

But feminism should be about choice - if you are telling women they can’t/shouldn’t give thier children the fathers name then that is just as bad as being told we should give them the fathers name.
we should all be free to make our own choices. What name I decide to give my children is none of your concern. I’m adopted so have had 2 previous surnames and both sets of parents were abusive - should I give my children my maiden name even though I have no emotional attachment or even negative feelings towards it just because feminism demands it?

The unison of a family. Everyone having the same and becoming their own unit. It's not a new concept so people act like they can't comprehend that once upon a time this was something society valued and yes maybe it would be a big deal if it was invented today but it has always been that way and really, really I cannot understand why its anyone else's business what name someone's children take on unless it's their own?

Yanbu at all. My dh's best friend's girlfriend is pg and the baby will have his name and I'm just amazed that they've chosen that. The gf didn't seem to think she had a choice either- I told her that the hospital paperwork would call her baby "Baby Hersurname" by default and she was surprised and the BF was annoyed that I pointed this out!

He's also constantly going abroad for a hobby/interest (literally once a month) and they're already arguing because he won't stop going abroad in her third trimester. Doesn't bode well...

Do we? When and where?
Can’t say I’ve ever come across it.

My children have theirs fathers surname, we’re now married (after children) and I still
have my surname.
No plans to change. I really don’t see it as an ownership thing.

It's not about ownership it's about belonging. Generally mums are obviously linked to the child but dads are not.
Really it is desirable for the nuclear family to share a surname, whichever surname the couple chose to use when they got married. Usually the man's but doesn't have to be.