Why are so many kids STILL taking the father's name?

[LefthandRight]

Is this some kind of feminist blind spot? Most kids still get the dads name and I see women saying "it was just easier", "double barrelling was a mouthful", "I don't mind". You even get situations where the mum has not taken the father's name so she has a different name to her kids but "it's no big deal" and it's like... So it's no big deal for the woman but apparently its a huge big deal for the man?

It really makes me angry because I just can't believe women have to go through the effort and intrusiveness/pain of childbirth only to have that ownership "label" whipped off them, it feels unfair

Well you might want to sit down for this but... We are currently in the 21st century

Honestly, it probably was a bit of a blind spot for me.

I didn’t take my husband’s name originally - husband didn’t give a stuff but I was quite surprised by the fuss it caused by some other people.

I think I kind of pictured double barrelling but then DD got my choice of first and middle names (both connected to my family) and it sounded a bit ridiculous and flowery with a double barrelled surname, plus I knew it would mean more to my husband than me somehow, and was in that post birth, post sepsis and surgery, hormonal fug and honestly didn’t think too deeply about it.

I was already pregnant when we got married and so it was all quite soon afterwards, so I decided to double barrel my name on passport/ official documents after having DD just in case it might make life easier - travelling alone with DD for example. Day to day/ professionally I don’t use the double barrelled version - in fact I sort of pick and choose what makes mose sense in the moment, which is usually just my original name.

I do wish I’d gone with the double barrelled option now, and mentioned that to my husband who said ‘we should have all just double barrelled, officially at least’ - maybe we will at some point.

Though honestly it really doesn’t seem that big a deal to us, certainly nothing to do with ownership. That doesn’t mean I don’t recognise that these seemingly inconsequential individual decisions add up to a feminist issue though.

Because my parents are ragingly abusive arseholes who are not in our lives so it didn't make sense to pass the name down.

Maybe women are tired of being dictated to by other women who want to dressing up by sticking labels on it

My choice or 'liberation' or any other word is to live my life as I see fit and not be told by other women I am doing it wrong

But my surname is my father's name. So it's still another man's name.

At one point I did consider getting married and both of us having the same brand new surname that we chose together. I still think that's a nice idea.

It meant a lot to my children's father and I didn't care really so that is why.

I took my husband’s name purely because I really disliked my double barrelled surname. Passing it on to my children after it had been such a source of irritation to me, wouldn't have felt right.

Because being able to 'choose' to do 'empowering' sex work or use surrogates etc ... strengthens rather than challenges patriarchal norms.

Passing on their name is of varying degrees of importance to some men. To commit to someone and have a family and all the responsibility that goes with it, there has to be something in it for all parties.

passing on the name is a small thing and if even that won’t be accepted then it will tell a man all he needs to know about what the relationship is likely to be like.

many men would say thanks but no thanks.

The purpose of feminism is equality not choice.

My kids have both surnames. I wanted them to have mine, husband wanted his name in there too. We respected one another's equality and hence they have both.

We don't "own" the kids and have always told them they could ditch part of the double barrel when they reached secondary school age if they wished - no pressure - but so far they've chosen to keep both.

I feel a bit queasy that so many women seem desperate to change their name and give the kids the man's name. It feels a bit like they think they've won a prize for "getting a man down the aisle" but the man isn't expected to feel the same because he IS the prize. Yuck.

And???

It's a name, people make choices for themselves all the time that others don't understand or agree with

Does it impact your life what surname someone other than you chooses to give their child? Absolutely not so give your head a wobble and get off your ridiculous soapbox.

Are you quite well?

So passing on a name is important but also a small thing.

Which is it?

I hated my surname and got bullied at school for it. No way in hell i would saddle my kids with that name.

Unless I chose a completely new surname for myself, it would have ended up being a surname from a male, whether it would have been my DH, or grandfathers’ surnames.

I could have taken my grandmother’s surname but then they were also surnames given to them by their fathers.

DH’s was the simplest and easiest one to say and spell and the least fuss.

Don’t feel queasy; it’s none of your business.

the idea that feminism is really about some arbitrary idea of equality being forced on all women and choice being incompatible with this is a novel one.

Why do you care so much ,about the choices other women who have absolutely nothing to with you make ?

I think people should make their own choices. Some good reasons that I haven't thought of mentioned above.

I am married, we kept our names. Our daughter has my surname. It's amazed me how many people are offended by this!
Husband can change his surname if he wants to.

Did you ever consider just changing your name by deed poll?

If you have basic comprehension ability you will be able to understand what I have said. I think there’s a chance, going by your previous posts, that you struggle with basic concepts so I don’t think I can assist you with this.

My son has his father's name and I just assumed that's what happened. We aren't married. Never really thought about it nor does it bother me.

Applaud you for this but my husband’s/our surname is really far preferable to my maiden name (think along the lines of Longbottom, but it was not that). Of course if he’d had a crap surname and I’d had a better one, we’d have used mine. Sometimes it’s the truth that the husband has a nicer surname!

Presumably for the same reason you care so much about one woman's opinion

I am married but didn't take my husband name.
My DD has my husband name.

My mum never took my dad's name and I have my dad's name.

It is absolutely meaningless.

I have 'ownership' of my DD, she is mine and no less mine than if she'd had my surname.

It's just a name.