unruly kids

[xxxJess123xxx]

hi all my kids are just turned 8 and just turned 5, oldest girl and youngest boy.

their behaviour is actually driving me to depression and I genuinely cannot cope.
it starts from the moment they wake. DD won't get out of bed, dressed, teeth you name it, so won't do it. iv tried numerous punishments and it works for an hour then back to square one. She can be rude, defiant and answers back. Pushes the boundaries constantly. Talks in an annoying deep loud voice (purposely) when over excited, which is constantly.
Is apparently an angel at school and doing well in all areas, excelling actually so its obviously just me.

DS is an absolute nightmare. Taking him to the shops sees him run off, pick things up from the shelves, not listen, I tell him off or hold him hand so you throws himself around/on the floor and screams blue murder. I have had people tut and huff and stare at me which is actually soul destroying.
Indoors he runs full pelt everywhere, does front flips on the sofa, is so loud and doesn't listen to a word I say. Again I have tried all sorts of punishments, time out in room, taking toys away, taking weekend screen time away (not allowed any Monday to Friday as makes behaviour 10x worse) but again nothing works.
I have even tried the over the top love bombing parenting but it only works for a short time and it just back fires in my face.

Together, they fight constantly, with hitting, kicking, shoving and slamming doors in faces. Just before bed is the worse, with them genuinely acting possessed running and fighting.

No one wants to come round and see me.
I hate taking them anywhere
I hate being at home.
im so embarrassed by how much I have failed as a parent.
I just feel like I am slowly loosing my mind.
I have a husband, he works long hours. I work school hours. They behave the exact same for him.

Im so sorry for the essay and writing it all on here but I don't know how to carry on xx

Fantastic. Nobody is doing it perfectly, especially at the beginning when we’re all learning on the job, and you came from a particularly difficult starting place. You have asked for help and been super open to it and made the change. So forgive yourself a bit!

We had another good evening, brought them home from school and got out the indoor pogo stick thing they got for xmas. Prewarned my downstairs neighbours that there would be some noise for a while but it was early 4pm ish.
both kids had lots of turns and I did competitions to see who could bounce the longest. Amazingly , no arguments

we then played lots of row row the boat which my son loves being swung everywhere fast lol and then airplanes on my knees

husband cooked dinner and I had a tiny and got some colouring out for them to do on their own but I kept coming back occasionally and saying well done, how neat, lovely colours etc

bedtime was crazy, my son I think was over tired as with all the games, time had got away from me and he was very very hyper
i did have to tell me off a couple times but I made sure to say, when he was quiet, well done for calming down like a good boy, let’s have a bedtime story

im really glad we had a better day. Im shattered tho! Xx

Well done 👍

Hopefully soon the weather will be tolerable to have them outside and that will be easier.

You'll not need to praise as much in the long run (obviously you di need to keep it up to a degree!) ...but it's a bit similar to training dogs in a way .. high praise and reward to get them to do what is needed... slowly drop rewards and praise to a minimum bit always with the positive attention etc.

That sounds brilliant - well done 👏🏻 👏🏻

Well done.

I don't however understand why they cannot play outdoors when it's cold and snowing. Unless it's something like -9 it's not dangerous.

I second @Maray1967

Your five year old is my four year old. When it's the weekends we take DS out for a walk followed by the park. After school he will come home eat and we will go out anywhere. When we get home he's happy to watch tv and zone out. If I don't take him out he crawls the walls and has way too much energy for my brain to handle.

Yes - even after school! Anything to get them lots of exercise and try to wear them out!

Laurie, no it’s not dangerous but I work outside and the last thing I want is to go back outside once I’m in from school but if it helps behaviour, then I’m all for it but not when it is absolutely freezing as iv been out in it all day x

How was this evening? I can see why you don't want to go outside again in the dark & cold.

@xxxJess123xxx although it may not usually be part of their bedtime routine, if a child is particularly wound up and hyper I would run a warm bath and let them play for 15 minutes (just one or two toys, nothing that hypes them up again!) Or let them relax in the bath while you read them a book. The heat usually relaxes them and calms them down, as well as just generally redirecting them if they are stuck in a groove of some kind (like having difficulty with some kind of strong emotion). A drop of lavender essential oil can also help relax and create another association with relaxation and sleep.

Sounds like things are going so much better!