Easy come easy go money

[Tonightsthenight91]

Between me and DP we earn quite well. We’re not rolling in it, but above average for our area I would say. He earns 70k annually and I earn anything between 5-9k per month (9k is season depending).

we just seem to be terrible with money. I wouldn’t say we have particularly lavish lifestyles. But somehow have accrued credit card debt. I feel like this is because my money is a steady income daily/weekly so once it’s earned it’s spent just as quick on lifestyle/activities/“stuff” whereas any big purchases tend to go on a credit card. I’m ND which I suspect has a role to play.

Id like to start saving, I’d like to “do less” in regards to days out (spoiled kids that don’t appreciate it anyway as it’s a regular thing), and just generally find ways to save money but in a way I can enjoy the aspect of saving and not feel bogged down by it. Again neurodiversity isn’t on my side with this.

very rough overview of finances:

1100 mortgage
700ish collectively for 2 x cars
400 insurance (I think?)
1000 business expenses
200-300 fuel
no idea on utility bills as OH sorts
dont calculate food shop but I imagine 300-400? (Shopping as and when)
just totalled Uber eats and eating out 1600 in the last month (obviously this is the kicker but the convenience helps my mental health)
Kids activities 200ish
days out etc again I don’t calculate but this week £200ish which has been an average sort of week
subscriptions about £70ish I imagine?
credit card payments 400-500?

we could of course clamp down and just clear the debt by spending less but I genuinely can’t not spend. Instant gratification is apparently part of adhd and autism (both of which I have). Any advice?

Try somewhere like Cook for frozen convenience food as much better quality than ready meals but not as expensive as Uber eats and the like. Or frozen / fresh pizza and salad once a week, pretty simple. Your takeaway cost is insane. Your best bet is creating a spreadsheet - in and out. What I do is move what I think is reasonable savings on pay day, and any later in month bills go into a ‘holding account’ until they come out then I transfer them. I also save monthly for Christmas and bdays, and MOT / car repairs. That way each month spend is the same, give or take. You should be saving a fair amount and are just wasting cash, and like you say kids not appreciating it and will turn into kids that you really won’t appreciate when older. So make changes now before it’s too late on that.

It is much harder to manage money with a neurodiversity, it's one thing they look for in the assessment. I can relate to the OP in that it can seem hopeless and you do feel guilty for making choices that objectively aren't smart. Good on the OP for building herself a business with that sort of income at 30yr old.

You're running several niche businesses and bringing in £9k a month. You can't budget for toffee and your responses lack acumen. You've had a boob job and weightloss surgery.

I'm calling onlyfans.

I know others have suggested but doing a spreadsheet with your income/outgoings (and being completely honest with the amounts) might help you see where the money is actually going. You earn good salaries which is fantastic but you could also be investing/saving. None of us knows what the future holds and whilst I do agree to a certain extent that we need to “live for the moment” I also think planning ahead is good. You could pay more off on your mortgage and become mortgage free earlier and definitely work on getting debt reduced.

I know it’s been said a lot but your spend on takeaways being more than your mortgage is eye opening.

Only fans or similar makes perfect sense!

It's HARDER but it's not impossible.

If you can create and maintain a business, you can create and maintain a system that allows you to live life. I know, I've done it.

OP doesn't want to. She knows she could get a cook/prepared meals to bring that total down.

She knows she could set some limits and get her dope fixes from elsewhere.

As I said, I know because I have and am doing it.

@Tonightsthenight91 im also ND and a high earner, I can see how you’re in the situation you’re in.

I find having something to aim for helps incentivise savings, I felt a bit lost after saving to buy house, pay for wedding etc etc

Now I set savings targets with my husband for various pots ‘home improvements’ ‘holidays’ ‘mortgage overpayments’ this is helpful as I can see progress to them.

I also transfer savings straight away on pay day now and allocate budgets to different spending pots using my starling account.

We watched/listened a lot of the Rahmit Sethi stuff and thought about what a ‘rich life’ meant to us and allocate guilt free spending amounts to that - for us we don’t really spend on but we do on holiday for example.

regarding the food spend, we buy ‘cook’ frozen meals to have on stand by and always have micro rice and fresh micro veg in fridge. I also buy a lot of M&S preprepared stuff. I find only buying a few days at a time helps as otherwise I just don’t fancy the stuff I’ve bought when it comes to eat it. Trying to limit take away/eating out to max 3x per week eg one lunch & dinner out + one take away.

Frankly @Tonightsthenight91 I think you need to get real and get a grip.

Meal plan
Shop well
Think about what you are feeding your children and their future health (and yours)
Transfer a minimum of £1k pcm to savings
Transfer a minimum of £1k pcm against credit
Stop credit card spending wherever possible
Set up a proper budget
Live responsibly

Heard it all now. This post is laughable. You spend double my wage on takeaways a year. Get a grip and stop acting like a spoilt little girl who can't save with over 10000 a month.

I agree with PP who suggested setting up a standing order directly into savings or investments each month, choose a limited access account. Treat it like any other bill, earmark it for retirement or helping the children with uni costs/house deposits so you're not tempted to touch it. Or top up your pension if you want to save for retirement, you're both higher rate tax payers so get extra tax relief on pension contributions. If you don't have that money you can't spend it, and presumably your spending will adjust in line.

I've also heard the app You Need A Budget (YNAB) is good for finances. Might be worth looking at.

I've seen your comments to/about me and my 'insinuations' OP. You've twisted what I said, but you do you. All that money and earning power and yet you come across as pretty unhappy. I think the pity you thought I was seeking would more appropriately be sent your way.

Just sayin'.

Are you overweight?

Batch cooking doesn’t have to take up every weekend. I only have a small freezer (live by myself) but have batch cooked enough to store a month’s worth of dinners plus bags of frozen fruit and veg. The batch cooking took about a day, which I split over one weekend. Godsend when I am too tired to cook but still want to eat healthily.

Think about the example you’re setting for your children.
Did you have money growing up? How will your children learn to save, cook even if they can’t be bothered and enjoy free things or wait for a treat if they never have to?

By contrast me and my husband earn £50,000 combined. We have a lot of savings from inheritance and also being frugal over the years. Some weekends we eat out one day so cook, buy in treats the rest of the time. We enjoy a takeaway a week and look forward to it as do our children. During weekends and school holidays we take them on bike rides, park trips, day trips etc and a visit to a theme park might mean bringing snacks to save money, we could afford to spend more but I enjoy saving. The treats feel better when it’s not every time.

I want my children to have as much as they can but I want them to know the value of money and the pleasure in life of the little things. I do think there’s a trend for parents to blindly spend on children without even considering the longer term
impact.

You are in an incredibly fortunate position to earn so much. I have a direct debit to two charities a month and that makes me feel good to know I’m doing something to help, this could be something to think about. One less just eats a week could make a massive difference money wise to a small charity.

I'm the person who asked why you still have a mortgage. If you are genuine I actually pity you, because you're really quite inadequate despite your apparent wealth; having to have surgery to lose weight, no idea how to budget, life-affecting disability, massive mortgage still despite earning plenty of money, etc. Never mind love, I expect things will improve as you get older.

What has uber eats got to do with your mental health? Stop blaming your laziness on being ND and your "mental health"

Christ

OP if you spent a bit less time being rude to posters helping you with your utterly ludicrous spending and a bit more time listening to them, your finances might be less fucked.
You don't earn 'quite well' you earn VERY well. Min of £5k a month on top of your husband's £70k salary - you are a rich household. But you're already in credit card debt for no good reason and don't seem at all inclined to make changes that are glaringly obvious to everyone else.
If you overpaid your mortgage by the amount you're currently spunking on Wagamamas I think you could easily be mortgage free before you're 40.
With your income you have choices. I'd take some of the great advice you're getting and make better ones before you look back as broke pensioners and wonder why the fuck you spent all your money on noodles.

On that note, I just got a sachet of the Wagamamas firecracker sauce from Tescos, and am going to recreate the firecracker prawn at home as their prices have gone through the roof! Mind you, it's full of sugar.

Great thread OP.

Well done, especially loved the take away total, followed by the weight loss surgery post.😂

The firecracker prawns are absolutely lush. Even a pauper like me can enjoy them. I shall have a look for the sauce next time I go shopping.

Op. Ignore the haters lol. I get what you mean. I very rarely order takeaway because I am gluten free and poor. But I know if I was in your situation I would do the same due to overwhelm. I'd cope a lot better if I didn't have to think about meals and could just get what I wanted when I wanted it.

DH and I lived like this in our early twenties but we'd always run out of money last two weeks of the month and have to cook. We are both really good cooks. Both undiagnosed neurodivergence. I get it. Ignore the haters

I think if you read between the lines another way to phrase what OP has said is. I'm making money on onlyfans (or similar). I'm making more than I ever thought possible. I've gone into debt to fund a boob job and weightloss surgery so I can earn more. The only thing is, I spend all my money on fast living, because I'm filling a deep void of self hatred and dont know how to control it. I need help.

OP. I'm not being mean, I just hope you genuinely do get the help you need, but the solution isn't just about meal planning and auto saving. You might need to look deeper.

Direct debit to your credit cards.

Maybe find a finance coach to help you.. I think it would be money well spent.

I’ve not read all the responses OP but you’d be better off financially buying ready meals and sticking them in the freezer instead of £1600 a month on takeaway.

Apparently M&S is the best for the least UPF ingredients etc in their ready meals.

If OP wasn't so loaded I would swear her businesses are MLMs. When she isn't working or ordering takeaways she's at the school gates slagging off the teachers with the other Boss Babes/Full Time Mummies