To want to drink nice drinks at a party if that’s what I take?

[TempleOfBloom]

We often socialise in groups at each other’s houses. I don’t like Prosecco, and always take Cremant or Cava, or if red something mid range and drinkable.

Then inevitably get poured repeat glasses of the cheapest available Prosecco or nasty mass produced generic red that others have brought.

Can I reasonably manage to open and drink bottles I enjoy, or should I cut my losses and also take cheaper bottles and glug it regardless? (I can do this, I just don’t really enjoy it, so drink a lot less, which is fine)

I’m not talking really expensive connoisseur type bottles that I take, just mid range drinkable.

I think people here are too hung up on the hosting. Most our get togethers are just someone's house and everyone either brings something or chips in with the cost and the host is not really hosting the thing.

That being said, I totally understand the problem. I'd likely bring something less expensive that I was happy to share and leave the 'good stuff' for when there is less people. Alternatively open a few bottles and fill up your own from the nice one and offer a top up for others from the other bottles and go pour.

I think this is really rude tbh. Possibly fine within a family where you're used to each other's foibles, but "I don't trust you not to serve plonk so I brought my own" is a bit

I host frequently and I’m my circles everyone brings different drinks. I usually offer a variety but if someone said oh actually I fancy a bit of the cava I wouldn’t think twice about opening something different. I don’t think anyone would think you were rude. I drink Prosecco but I’m not too keen on cava or red. I think with good friends you should just be able to say what you want.

If I saw someone carefully pouring themselves expensive wine and everyone else cheaper stuff I'd find it amusing, but I would also definitely remember it and what it said about them...

It's not being uptight or overformal to think that someone going to a party and then jealously hoarding their special wine and trying to hide it behind a bread bin so no one else gets it is rude. It is rude.

DH doesn't take expensive wine to parties. He is a wine bore enthusiast and doesn't take anything he wouldn't drink himself, but just not the really good stuff. It isn't just the cost or that he wants to drink it himself, but that someone else might not appreciate it as much as he does.

Many years ago I saw him wince when one of our neighbours poured some lemonade into a decent glass of white wine.

Luckily our close friends who we drink with also have a similar appreciation of wine so we don't come across a sea of cheap prosecco against the one bottle of decent red that we will have brought.

I get the issue - I much prefer cremant and find that Prosecco often tastes very acidy going down and I've been ill after a few meals out where I had a couple of glasses of poor quality Prosecco.

It is tricky though if host is topping up drinks and I can't think of any non rude way to say that you would rather have your own fizz than what's on offer.

I sometimes get round it by bringing rose, which generally people avoid preferring fizz.

@ColleenDonaghy yeah I suppose it would only work with family.
I only see db twice a year and everyone drinks different things

How is that rude? People like different things. Weird to take offense over stuff like this, especially when it's your friends.

Not really - at the moment Spanish red wine seems to be having a moment and I just don't like it and would prefer red wine from nearly anywhere else.

Equally, I don't like Chardonnay, tastes like butter! And gin tastes like perfume.

It's not about the cost (Cava isn't more expensive than Prosecco, Cremant probably is a bit, but it's still not champagne or Nyetimber!) it's about the taste.

Which matters most, drinking nice drinks, or not being thought to be snobby/precious/selfish by your hosts? Because its highly unlikely you can have both. Rightly or wrongly, sitting there with an expensive bottle down the side of your chair that you keep all to yourself will get you judged and criticised.

You walk in a say hi everyone! Lovely to see you all, a little thank you bottle for the host as I know you like xyz. Then they ask what would you like and you pass over your bottle and say a Glass of this please. If you don't want to share keep it with you. Done.

There is nothing wrong with liking what you like as long as you are the one paying for it

It's not a matter of cost though, is it? Wine/drinks etc are all personal taste. If you know that most of the other drinks there is stuff you don't like, then to take a bottle to drink mostly to yourself is absolutely fine in any sane universe. Take a couple, leave one out to share and pour your own drinks from the bottle you want to use, job done and nobody will care.

We're talking a few mates round for a few drinks and watching traitors on the telly here, not an appointment with royalty.

Very clever solution.

It's not a matter of cost though, is it? Wine/drinks etc are all personal taste.

Absolutely. One of my friends only drinks Malbec, so when we see them that's what they bring.

It has nothing to do with snobbery.

I disagree - a decent host and nice friend understands that we all like different things. And with alcohol it can make a real difference to whether you have a headache the next day as well.

In any event cava and cremant are not expensive.

Fizz is fizz, there are just some that taste better than others, and some that are more cleverly marketed.

I just drink what I bring when I go to friends houses, I'm not in one of these arrangements where what I bring is a gift for the house owner, we bring what we want to drink, so we drink it and offer it around if we want to or don't if we don't want to.

Fill your water bottle up with alcohol of choice before you go. Works better if not a transparent one 🍷

I cannot understand why people are so uptight if socialising with friends. Just say ' this is all I can drink ' Normal people who are not easily offended would get it!

Why, though? You are assuming that 'picky' means 'only wants to drink expensively' but it actually doesn't. It could just mean the OP has very very particular tastes in wine. It is such a personal thing and I think you are looking for rudeness where there is none intended.

True, but you only have to look at some of the pearl clutchers on this thread to realise why the OP feels awkward. Some people really would take her wanting to drink what she had brought as a slight. I think that's absurd, but then I'm not a twee tinkly laugher.

I always take 2 bottles of something I like. I’ll open them and share because I cannot drink cheap alcohol. I’ve tried and I’d just rather not drink at all.

It’s really not about pearl clutching and passive aggressive digs lose you credibility. It’s about good manners, etiquette. I’m assuming the op isn’t a student sitting in digs with her mates necking her own booze. And clearly her friends will know that’s not all she can drink , so obviously lying isn’t going to help the situation.

Most of us don't think it is rude though @Janieforever.

Some mumsnetters are obsessed with unnecessary etiquette.

Exactly.

Exactly! I think people are using the term “friend” too loosely to describe all and sundry. They must mean acquaintance, in laws, colleagues, school mums etc

I can’t imagine my friends caring about this or being overly prescriptive. Surely as you get to know friends, you understand their preferences and want to cater to them when you host. If a friend feels more comfortable with their own preference
over what you’re currently serving, why would you feel slighted? Alcohol is such a personal preference, there’s no point wasting the drink on someone who won’t appreciate it