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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH doesn't think critically about a recipe as he's making it

257 replies

shaniahoo · 04/01/2024 20:35

I desperately need to rant about my lovely DH, but not to his face since he's just made me a really lovely dinner and I am grateful for that. I am.

But when he cooks from a recipe he sometimes does something really weird because he read it wrong but doesn't notice that it might be wrong and question it.

So this evening we planned a new recipe from a Jamie Oliver book and I left it to him because I was out at an appointment. I said just follow the recipe. Jamie said use frozen mixed onion, carrot and celery but we don't have that nonexistent product so I got those vegetables in fresh. I didn't mention that to DH, didn't think it necessary. He decided to use the frozen mixed veg that we do have in, which is peas, sweetcorn, carrots and green beans. I don't understand why you would see "frozen onion, carrot and celery" and choose to use a frozen mix of completely different vegetables, rather than the same veg but fresh, and also apparently have never at any point considered that might be wrong. See it's not just misreading the recipe, it's also the fact that this veg is getting sauteed in oil and then add some vinegar and cook it off before adding chopped tomatoes. That's a REALLY WEIRD thing to do to peas and sweetcorn and he never considered that it was weird. He does more than half the cooking in our house and regularly makes pasta sauces that start with onion carrot and celery!

The meal was really nice anyway so I limited myself to a brief indignation then shut up about it and enjoyed the dinner.

There have been other times...like one time he made brownies from a jar recipe, and it said to mix together the dry ingredients then add eggs and bake. So because it didn't explicitly say to mix the eggs in, he poured them on top of the dry mix and put it in the oven like that. He said he was just following the instructions and they should have said to mix, but come on you're making brownies here, brownies do not consist of chocolate powder with baked eggs on top.

His visual memory is really bad, like he's a proper "kinesthetic learner" and doesn't seem to picture stuff in his head the way I do, which I've always struggled to understand and I wonder whether it's because when he's doing something he doesn't picture the end result as he's doing it, and therefore doesn't "see" a dish of powder with baked eggs on top of it, or pasta sauce with peas and sweetcorn as a base. Would love to hear from people whose brains work in the same way his does and who can fully understand making this type of mistake!

OP posts:
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BrieAndChilli · 04/01/2024 21:42

DH does the thing where if the packet or recipe says cook for 20 minutes he will set a timer and cook for exactly 20 minutes and then serve. He can’t look at something and think ooh that needs a little bit longer. I have to tell him that the time on an instruction is based on an average test kitchen and that our oven takes a bit longer or needs a slightly higher temp etc.

gano · 04/01/2024 21:49

I'm sorry to say this, as I know it sounds really mean, but he's either got zero common sense or he's completely thick.

C0untDucku1a · 04/01/2024 21:49

BrieAndChilli · 04/01/2024 21:42

DH does the thing where if the packet or recipe says cook for 20 minutes he will set a timer and cook for exactly 20 minutes and then serve. He can’t look at something and think ooh that needs a little bit longer. I have to tell him that the time on an instruction is based on an average test kitchen and that our oven takes a bit longer or needs a slightly higher temp etc.

My dh does all the cooking and ive learnt not to criticise as he will then say I've to cook, so dont tell him im complaining again… 😂

but he always, always undercooks chips. And whenever i say youve not done the chips long enough, he will reply by telling me they were in for the length of time on the packet. And look stunned that i think they could possibly be undercooked.

Mirabai · 04/01/2024 21:49

BrieAndChilli · 04/01/2024 21:42

DH does the thing where if the packet or recipe says cook for 20 minutes he will set a timer and cook for exactly 20 minutes and then serve. He can’t look at something and think ooh that needs a little bit longer. I have to tell him that the time on an instruction is based on an average test kitchen and that our oven takes a bit longer or needs a slightly higher temp etc.

This is why, well the whole thread is why, boys need to learn how to cook.

Angrywife · 04/01/2024 21:54

TheShellBeach · 04/01/2024 20:53

I'm going to be the first to mention autism.

I'm autistic and three of my adult children are.

I can easily imagine DS2 doing the brownie thing, and being puzzled as to why the recipe "went wrong".

I'm surprised it took so long to be mentioned.
Neurodiverse is what screamed at me too

TraitorRoundTable · 04/01/2024 21:54

My ex was very literal, I handed him a bowl with kitchen roll in and asked him to get the chips that were cooking in the deep fat fryer. I turned around to serve food and he was walking towards me carrying the unplugged but bubbling boiling hot fryer! WTF? This is a professional man with a mumsnetty ‘big 6 figures job’. 🤷‍♀️ Couldn’t see the issue, he fetched the chips.

SlightlyJaded · 04/01/2024 21:54

I can't believe that there are people on here that understand that veg substitution. Literally the only thing in common with the recipe was the word 'frozen'. Onion, carrot and celery are so specific in flavour and texture and the onion 'base' of so many recipes is key. How on earth could peas and sweetcorn - sweet, starchy veg - be a substitute? Mad.

Brownies thing is crazy.

I think dyslexia maybe? But it really depends on whether this 'literal' behaviour is evident anywhere else in his behaviour?

Littlemisscapable · 04/01/2024 21:54

BrieAndChilli · 04/01/2024 21:42

DH does the thing where if the packet or recipe says cook for 20 minutes he will set a timer and cook for exactly 20 minutes and then serve. He can’t look at something and think ooh that needs a little bit longer. I have to tell him that the time on an instruction is based on an average test kitchen and that our oven takes a bit longer or needs a slightly higher temp etc.

This ! Omg my dh is just like this.......asked me on Xmas day if I should set a timer for the turkey. He genuinely seemed to think you would just leave the turkey unsupervised for the entire time and I might actually forget about it. On Xmas day.. He loves food. Hates cooking and any suggestions/directions when he does cook are not encouraged. His theory is that he should be allowed to experiment and if it doesn't work out...ah well...

CookStrait · 04/01/2024 21:55

I just use whatever ingredients I have, this is how new recipes are discovered. There’s no right or wrong with cooking.

BrieAndChilli · 04/01/2024 21:55

DH can cook. He cooks all sorts of meals yet seems to have a blind spot for things like chips etc and always undercooks them.

Cuttysark4321 · 04/01/2024 21:56

I'm actually crying laughing at this post, it's made my evening - absolutely hilarious although well done for not tearing ur hair out OP

Notreallyawaitress · 04/01/2024 21:59

I once worked with someone in a kitchen, who when asked to separate 4 eggs, put 2 unshelled eggs in 2 bowls….

Beginningless · 04/01/2024 22:00

ValBiro · 04/01/2024 20:51

I've done this before... Potentially outing, but I once made a pie with a mashed potato too and it said "decorate with fork" before putting in the oven. I took that very literally and popped a fork on top of the pie before putting it in th oven! The fork came out VERY hot as you might imagine, and much merriment ensued at my misreading of the recipe!

This is absolutely adorable, I like you Grin

OP, if my OP tried to cook, I know he’d be like this. Very intelligent man but never expected to do anything domestic in his childhood. Isn’t into food. When I met him didn’t know what an avocado was, called it an apricot!

I’d be delighted if he tried. He won’t. He will put some freezer food in the oven and boil eggs for the kids. So from my perspective, you’re lucky to have one who tries! Mine has many other qualities fortunately but I’d adore it if he even opened a recipe book.

Grimmz · 04/01/2024 22:02

Cookery book publishers should hire your DH to test-run written recipes before going to print.

mathanxiety · 04/01/2024 22:02

How does this incompetent man manage at work when he encounters instructions or directions or a written protocol? Has he ever done anything like the brownie thing and presented it to colleagues?

What about signage out on the roads? Any major accidents?

I'm suggesting he's making these mistakes because he either thinks there's nothing to cooking or baking so he doesn't have to engage his brain, or he wants you to do all the cooking and thinks the way around telling you outright is making bone stupid mistakes.

Crikeyalmighty · 04/01/2024 22:05

@ditalini no Waitrose's goes into a massive clump too- I just hack lumps off!!

MistletoeandJd · 04/01/2024 22:07

My partner is in unison with the vegitutions. Brownies he says there is no excuse

kiwiaddict · 04/01/2024 22:07

shaniahoo · 04/01/2024 20:41

I rescued it quickly enough that we were still able to mix it together before the eggs got totally cooked!

Oh, I wish you hadn't. That's a rare photo opportunity there........

Fink · 04/01/2024 22:08

I have aphantasia (no visual memory) and I can still follow a recipe fine even if it's poorly written, know what soffrito/mirepoix is, and research what to substitute. So I don't think your DH's problem is lack of visualisation. It does annoy me when recipes are poorly written but it doesn't usually prevent me making the food properly. I agree that if your DH cooks regularly he should realise what a soffrito is and that you can't sub in other veg for it. That sounds like maybe he just doesn't engage his brain when cooking.

WonderLife · 04/01/2024 22:08

So funny!

So in the product 'frozen onion' he felt like the important word was frozen rather than onion, and substituted frozen sweetcorn instead of fresh onion...

I think he needs to apply for a job as a supermarket online shop picker!! He sounds like he would substitute white wine for white bread...

mathanxiety · 04/01/2024 22:12

SlightlyJaded · 04/01/2024 21:54

I can't believe that there are people on here that understand that veg substitution. Literally the only thing in common with the recipe was the word 'frozen'. Onion, carrot and celery are so specific in flavour and texture and the onion 'base' of so many recipes is key. How on earth could peas and sweetcorn - sweet, starchy veg - be a substitute? Mad.

Brownies thing is crazy.

I think dyslexia maybe? But it really depends on whether this 'literal' behaviour is evident anywhere else in his behaviour?

Agree.

Specific ingredients are in recipes for a reason.

DingDongMerrilyOnHi · 04/01/2024 22:14

I’m always after a frozen sofrito base mix, Sainsburys do one as do Waitrose but I’ve never seen it in Tescos which is usually where I do online shop…

StragglyTinsel · 04/01/2024 22:17

Not the point but frozen celery, carrot and onions definitely a thing. They even sell it in Asda - you don’t have to go anywhere fancy for it!

It’s not a non-existent thing.

DH doesn't think critically about a recipe as he's making it
HarrietTheFireStarter · 04/01/2024 22:18

Omg this really made me chortle 😆 🤣 what a numpty. I shouldn't laugh because it's pure idiocy and I really don't know why we have such low standards for men but eggs plopped on top of chocolate powder? Mind blowing.