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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH doesn't think critically about a recipe as he's making it

257 replies

shaniahoo · 04/01/2024 20:35

I desperately need to rant about my lovely DH, but not to his face since he's just made me a really lovely dinner and I am grateful for that. I am.

But when he cooks from a recipe he sometimes does something really weird because he read it wrong but doesn't notice that it might be wrong and question it.

So this evening we planned a new recipe from a Jamie Oliver book and I left it to him because I was out at an appointment. I said just follow the recipe. Jamie said use frozen mixed onion, carrot and celery but we don't have that nonexistent product so I got those vegetables in fresh. I didn't mention that to DH, didn't think it necessary. He decided to use the frozen mixed veg that we do have in, which is peas, sweetcorn, carrots and green beans. I don't understand why you would see "frozen onion, carrot and celery" and choose to use a frozen mix of completely different vegetables, rather than the same veg but fresh, and also apparently have never at any point considered that might be wrong. See it's not just misreading the recipe, it's also the fact that this veg is getting sauteed in oil and then add some vinegar and cook it off before adding chopped tomatoes. That's a REALLY WEIRD thing to do to peas and sweetcorn and he never considered that it was weird. He does more than half the cooking in our house and regularly makes pasta sauces that start with onion carrot and celery!

The meal was really nice anyway so I limited myself to a brief indignation then shut up about it and enjoyed the dinner.

There have been other times...like one time he made brownies from a jar recipe, and it said to mix together the dry ingredients then add eggs and bake. So because it didn't explicitly say to mix the eggs in, he poured them on top of the dry mix and put it in the oven like that. He said he was just following the instructions and they should have said to mix, but come on you're making brownies here, brownies do not consist of chocolate powder with baked eggs on top.

His visual memory is really bad, like he's a proper "kinesthetic learner" and doesn't seem to picture stuff in his head the way I do, which I've always struggled to understand and I wonder whether it's because when he's doing something he doesn't picture the end result as he's doing it, and therefore doesn't "see" a dish of powder with baked eggs on top of it, or pasta sauce with peas and sweetcorn as a base. Would love to hear from people whose brains work in the same way his does and who can fully understand making this type of mistake!

OP posts:
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Birobilly · 04/01/2024 21:03

Meowandthen · 04/01/2024 21:02

Christ. Does the answer to everything have to be autism here these days? 🙄

The man lacks common sense and basic cooking knowledge.

Well in my case, the answer was autism. What's your point?!

TheShellBeach · 04/01/2024 21:03

SoulMole · 04/01/2024 20:59

I was surprised to see this comment so far down. I have enjoyed this thread so much though.

Which comment?
You need to quote the poster you're replying to.

itsmylife7 · 04/01/2024 21:04

ValBiro · 04/01/2024 20:51

I've done this before... Potentially outing, but I once made a pie with a mashed potato too and it said "decorate with fork" before putting in the oven. I took that very literally and popped a fork on top of the pie before putting it in th oven! The fork came out VERY hot as you might imagine, and much merriment ensued at my misreading of the recipe!

Omg this is so funny 😂

shaniahoo · 04/01/2024 21:05

He's not autistic. He's often wondered about why his memory is so poor so I don't rule out some kind of processing issue that we don't know about but, he's not autistic.

OP posts:
Meowandthen · 04/01/2024 21:05

Birobilly · 04/01/2024 21:03

Well in my case, the answer was autism. What's your point?!

It’s pretty bloody obvious.

SoulMole · 04/01/2024 21:06

Apologies. I'm not au fait with MN! When you press 'reply' to a post I thought it would say which one. The autism comment.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2024 21:06

Anecdotally, the comments on this thread are entirely (unless I missed one) stories of men who do this and women who find it very strange.
Is that relevant?
I wonder if he just didn't do very much cooking at all as a kid and the basics haven't 'cemented' in his brain?

VisitationRights · 04/01/2024 21:08

The brownie thing is properly hilarious, I really laughed at that.

Titsywoo · 04/01/2024 21:08

My ds is autistic. He read the instructions for mashed potato on the back of the maris piper pack then asked me why it didn't cook properly. He had put a large unpeeled and uncut potato in a pan of boiling water for 10 mins 😂He is very very intelligent but takes some things so literally it comes across like he is stupid!

LaMarschallin · 04/01/2024 21:10

Coffeespill

Find someone who writes proper instructions like Delia Smith.

Agree with this.
I sometimes find that she over explains (eg "Break the eggs into a bowl" - what? As opposed to straight onto the work surface?) but I've cooked a lot and also learned a lot of basic stuff for Cookery O level (it was possibly called something grander like Domestic Science; it's a good while ago). It's obviously necessary for some people.

Also, soffrito is easily made by putting celety, onion and carrot in a blender and blitzing it; Nigella does this in quite a few recipes. Freezes well too.
I think something like a mire poix needs the vegetables finely diced so would need to be done by hand, but I don't think I'd bother.
Also, I may have misremembered that Confused

scrunchmum · 04/01/2024 21:12

The brownies example has just made me laugh, oh dear.

I'm not a cook at all, once forgot to add bananas to a banana bread recipe because the instructions said to "add all ingredients except sliced bananas together" (the majority of the bananas were mashed, just a small amount held back as sliced for the top). I couldn't work out why it wasn't "wet" enough and kept adding milk 🤦🏼‍♀️
I still think the brownies one beats that though.

Birobilly · 04/01/2024 21:14

Meowandthen · 04/01/2024 21:05

It’s pretty bloody obvious.

But to me it is not, so please spell it out (the irony).

I offered my opinion and perspective about my ex who I knew for 20 years and an explanation for his behaviour. If you would prefer that I only offer opinions that match your own, then please do let me know.

ditalini · 04/01/2024 21:15

It's true that there are elements of cooking, especially when it comes to substitutions, that you need some previous knowledge to navigate.

However, we're living in a world on Google and Youtube. There's literally no question that hasn't been asked before. No substitution that hasn't been discussed. No technique that hasn't been broken down into illustrated steps or videoed (like and subscribe!).

So honestly? I do think it often shows a lack of interest or curiosity when the getting it wrong keeps happening.

Hedgehog23 · 04/01/2024 21:15

I think it sounds like he isn’t really a cook. In the sense that he can follow instructions, but isn’t familiar with how recipes normally work etc. although with the veg it could be that he couldn’t find the onions, carrot and celery, I suppose.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2024 21:15

To throw another theory out there, did he grow up in a house with a separate kitchen/diner?
I'm just thinking my children would defo have known this from the age of about 10 I'd say. But we have a large kitchen open plan space and they see me cooking day in and day out. (This isn't a show off about my children/trashing of your dh btw; I'm intrigued to get to the whys of it). If he never saw his parents cook, maybe went to a boys school where they didn't do food tech etc etc: then it just hasn't become ingrained?

Good news is the solution is to cook more until he gets the hang of it.

Meowandthen · 04/01/2024 21:16

Birobilly · 04/01/2024 21:14

But to me it is not, so please spell it out (the irony).

I offered my opinion and perspective about my ex who I knew for 20 years and an explanation for his behaviour. If you would prefer that I only offer opinions that match your own, then please do let me know.

Your experience is not definitive.

The answer to everything on MN is not autism.

Clear enough for you?

Stringagal · 04/01/2024 21:18

Reminds me of this hapless soul 😂

DH doesn't think critically about a recipe as he's making it
Seeingadistance · 04/01/2024 21:18

NeverStopTwinkling · 04/01/2024 20:41

Definitely should have led with the brownies story.

The frozen veg... Meh. I can sort of see why he has done that. The brownies thing is bonkers.

Yep, the veg thing - not a biggy. The brownie thing - now, that's weird!

GiveHerEffervescence · 04/01/2024 21:19

Frozen mixed onion, celery and carrot is called soffritto and is a life changing thing to have in your freezer. Buy in most supermarkets. Can do many meals with that as a base. No chopping - just pour in the pan. I panic when I run low.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2024 21:19

Your ire doesn't really work for this particular thread @Meowandthen

The op literally asked - what could it be? So people are responding with their own experiences of what it could be.

On this thread, it's fine to suggest that.

ThewaytoAmarula · 04/01/2024 21:21

Do you think he has a good palate? Does he enjoy food and think about flavours, what goes with what, etc? It's weird that he got so hung up on the "frozen" element, rather than the actual flavour of the specified ingredients!

TheShellBeach · 04/01/2024 21:21

SoulMole · 04/01/2024 21:06

Apologies. I'm not au fait with MN! When you press 'reply' to a post I thought it would say which one. The autism comment.

This is an endless problem on this site.

To quote someone, click on the three dots on their post, then select, "QUOTE" and Bob's your uncle.

The "REPLY" button does absolutely nothing.

Meowandthen · 04/01/2024 21:21

arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2024 21:19

Your ire doesn't really work for this particular thread @Meowandthen

The op literally asked - what could it be? So people are responding with their own experiences of what it could be.

On this thread, it's fine to suggest that.

Yawn. It’s become the MN answer to everything which is ridiculous. I assure you am not the only one with this view.

TheShellBeach · 04/01/2024 21:22

Meowandthen · 04/01/2024 21:16

Your experience is not definitive.

The answer to everything on MN is not autism.

Clear enough for you?

That's true, but it was not an inescapable conclusion in these circumstances.

Flatulence · 04/01/2024 21:24

Sorry but I'm absolutely howling at the brownies example. Hahahhahahahah. That's so funny.

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