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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH doesn't think critically about a recipe as he's making it

257 replies

shaniahoo · 04/01/2024 20:35

I desperately need to rant about my lovely DH, but not to his face since he's just made me a really lovely dinner and I am grateful for that. I am.

But when he cooks from a recipe he sometimes does something really weird because he read it wrong but doesn't notice that it might be wrong and question it.

So this evening we planned a new recipe from a Jamie Oliver book and I left it to him because I was out at an appointment. I said just follow the recipe. Jamie said use frozen mixed onion, carrot and celery but we don't have that nonexistent product so I got those vegetables in fresh. I didn't mention that to DH, didn't think it necessary. He decided to use the frozen mixed veg that we do have in, which is peas, sweetcorn, carrots and green beans. I don't understand why you would see "frozen onion, carrot and celery" and choose to use a frozen mix of completely different vegetables, rather than the same veg but fresh, and also apparently have never at any point considered that might be wrong. See it's not just misreading the recipe, it's also the fact that this veg is getting sauteed in oil and then add some vinegar and cook it off before adding chopped tomatoes. That's a REALLY WEIRD thing to do to peas and sweetcorn and he never considered that it was weird. He does more than half the cooking in our house and regularly makes pasta sauces that start with onion carrot and celery!

The meal was really nice anyway so I limited myself to a brief indignation then shut up about it and enjoyed the dinner.

There have been other times...like one time he made brownies from a jar recipe, and it said to mix together the dry ingredients then add eggs and bake. So because it didn't explicitly say to mix the eggs in, he poured them on top of the dry mix and put it in the oven like that. He said he was just following the instructions and they should have said to mix, but come on you're making brownies here, brownies do not consist of chocolate powder with baked eggs on top.

His visual memory is really bad, like he's a proper "kinesthetic learner" and doesn't seem to picture stuff in his head the way I do, which I've always struggled to understand and I wonder whether it's because when he's doing something he doesn't picture the end result as he's doing it, and therefore doesn't "see" a dish of powder with baked eggs on top of it, or pasta sauce with peas and sweetcorn as a base. Would love to hear from people whose brains work in the same way his does and who can fully understand making this type of mistake!

OP posts:
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6
tachetastic · 04/01/2024 21:24

shaniahoo · 04/01/2024 20:35

I desperately need to rant about my lovely DH, but not to his face since he's just made me a really lovely dinner and I am grateful for that. I am.

But when he cooks from a recipe he sometimes does something really weird because he read it wrong but doesn't notice that it might be wrong and question it.

So this evening we planned a new recipe from a Jamie Oliver book and I left it to him because I was out at an appointment. I said just follow the recipe. Jamie said use frozen mixed onion, carrot and celery but we don't have that nonexistent product so I got those vegetables in fresh. I didn't mention that to DH, didn't think it necessary. He decided to use the frozen mixed veg that we do have in, which is peas, sweetcorn, carrots and green beans. I don't understand why you would see "frozen onion, carrot and celery" and choose to use a frozen mix of completely different vegetables, rather than the same veg but fresh, and also apparently have never at any point considered that might be wrong. See it's not just misreading the recipe, it's also the fact that this veg is getting sauteed in oil and then add some vinegar and cook it off before adding chopped tomatoes. That's a REALLY WEIRD thing to do to peas and sweetcorn and he never considered that it was weird. He does more than half the cooking in our house and regularly makes pasta sauces that start with onion carrot and celery!

The meal was really nice anyway so I limited myself to a brief indignation then shut up about it and enjoyed the dinner.

There have been other times...like one time he made brownies from a jar recipe, and it said to mix together the dry ingredients then add eggs and bake. So because it didn't explicitly say to mix the eggs in, he poured them on top of the dry mix and put it in the oven like that. He said he was just following the instructions and they should have said to mix, but come on you're making brownies here, brownies do not consist of chocolate powder with baked eggs on top.

His visual memory is really bad, like he's a proper "kinesthetic learner" and doesn't seem to picture stuff in his head the way I do, which I've always struggled to understand and I wonder whether it's because when he's doing something he doesn't picture the end result as he's doing it, and therefore doesn't "see" a dish of powder with baked eggs on top of it, or pasta sauce with peas and sweetcorn as a base. Would love to hear from people whose brains work in the same way his does and who can fully understand making this type of mistake!

The meal was really nice anyway so I limited myself to a brief indignation then shut up about it and enjoyed the dinner.

Why were you indignant at all? He cooked you a dinner that you said was really nice and that you enjoyed. Why make any negative comment that might make him feel bad?

Retrievemysanity · 04/01/2024 21:25

Oh gosh well I can understand the brownies one actually! But not the frozen veg one. I do need things spelled out when it comes to cooking so if it doesn’t say mix, I won’t mix. But with the veg one, I’d use the veg it specified rather than worry about if it was frozen or not!

Kettlebellend · 04/01/2024 21:25

Sad to see lots of people saying low IQ when really it sounds like a neurodivergent trait - possible ASD, taking the instructions quite literally, my very intelligent DD does this, she too struggles with following instructions for cooking

diddl · 04/01/2024 21:26

Stringagal · 04/01/2024 21:18

Reminds me of this hapless soul 😂

Wouldn't that be half peel the potatoes though?

TheShellBeach · 04/01/2024 21:26

Kettlebellend · 04/01/2024 21:25

Sad to see lots of people saying low IQ when really it sounds like a neurodivergent trait - possible ASD, taking the instructions quite literally, my very intelligent DD does this, she too struggles with following instructions for cooking

Exactly, and this is why I suggested it. Autism doesn't equate to low intelligence.

ny20005 · 04/01/2024 21:28

Both are just crazy ! Recipes are written to assume people can follow basics & don't need idiots guide to cooking

I always remember my brother buying one of those supermarket pizzas that at the time, came in polystyrene container.

He put the whole thing in the oven & then complained it didn't say in instructions that he had to take it out of the container before putting it in the oven Confused

Silverbirch7 · 04/01/2024 21:29

Really rude and unnecessary about the low IQ comments 🤷‍♀️

Gettingbysomehow · 04/01/2024 21:29

I was feeling rather uncomfortable because my own cooking is an abomination but even I haven't made mistakes like that. Baked omelette brownies anyone 😂

MerryMarigold · 04/01/2024 21:29

Crikeyalmighty · 04/01/2024 20:45

By the way that frozen carrot, celery stuff is indeed very much a product called soffrito - I get mine in Waitrose- it's great in bolognese etc .

This is all I came on to ask. I do freeze my own celery but it would be nice to have it already with onion.

diddl · 04/01/2024 21:30

Were the veg in an obvious place?

If he was sure you didn't have them why would he look?

The brownie thing is odd but I'm sure a lot of recipes do say to mix eggs in don't they?

I suppose when you know you know!

A lot of us know because we've seen it!

weirdoboelady · 04/01/2024 21:31

TheShellBeach · 04/01/2024 20:53

I'm going to be the first to mention autism.

I'm autistic and three of my adult children are.

I can easily imagine DS2 doing the brownie thing, and being puzzled as to why the recipe "went wrong".

Just what I thought. Literal word processing....

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 04/01/2024 21:32

Meowandthen · 04/01/2024 21:02

Christ. Does the answer to everything have to be autism here these days? 🙄

The man lacks common sense and basic cooking knowledge.

What's that old saying?

"Do autistics take everything literally"
"No, that's kleptomaniacs".

It IS common with autism to take instructions literally which is why it's important to be direct in your speech to autistic people, so on a thread where someone discussed something us autistic lot have to deal with quite often, it's going to be said.

ditalini · 04/01/2024 21:33

It's so, so handy buy mine does seem to come clumped together in a big frozen lump, even if I rifle through the freezer section trying to find one that hasn't done this.

Ive tried Sainsbury & Tesco mix. Is Waitrose more free-flowing or do I want the moon on a stick?

Atethehalloweenchocs · 04/01/2024 21:33

I think following a recipe is a little like doing a crossword - there are conventions which you need to know. Like mirepoix, or soffrito is the base for many sauces, not just an assortment of vegetables. A lot of people turn off their critical thinking skills when they are doing things, and this sounds like a case of that. Could be a confidence thing. Could be rigidity. As long as he learns from his mistakes and does not do them again, it is more funny than anything else.

thismummydrinksgin · 04/01/2024 21:35

Oh my god I am like this, albeit not that bad. But I need specific instructions or in my head at the time I don't do it, on reflection afterwards I can see I should have done x y z but sometimes if I'm not told it just doesn't occur to me x

Mikimoto · 04/01/2024 21:35

DH sounds like he's NOT a spouse with a broom-handle rammed up his arse...

SnufflyBunny · 04/01/2024 21:36

My eldest would do this. She's autistic and follows things to the absolute letter. If it didn't say mix, she wouldn't do it.

Sparklythings9 · 04/01/2024 21:36

I initially thought I’d be defending your husband as I’m not a great cook and I try but 😂😂😂

Thats ridiculous. Proper made me chuckle.

Chilesstanton · 04/01/2024 21:40

Is his last name Bedelia by any chance

Lovemusic82 · 04/01/2024 21:40

This isn’t a low IQ issues, more a lack of common sense? This is the sort of thing my 19 year old daughter would do, she has a high IQ but is very lacking in common sense, she does have Autism and dyspraxia which doesn’t help either. Cooking in following a recipe would be hard for her as she’s not a natural cook and without pictures she would find it hard to picture what’s being asked of her.

Anyway, I don’t see the issue about tonight’s dinner? It tasted ok? I have celery anyway so would prefer carrots and peas.

Mirabai · 04/01/2024 21:40

Well it’s partly that he’s an inexperienced cook - even if he does half the cooking - if you know how to make brownies you don’t add a layer of egg to dry ingredients.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 04/01/2024 21:40

NeverStopTwinkling · 04/01/2024 20:41

Definitely should have led with the brownies story.

The frozen veg... Meh. I can sort of see why he has done that. The brownies thing is bonkers.

Same here.

I find it odd that the recipe he was supposed to be following specified frozen vegetables. I can sort of see where he's coming from - that the frozen element was more important than the actual vegetables.

Winnading · 04/01/2024 21:41

I'm offering, hes just not that interested in food?

My DP can "cook" but it's all beige food from the freezer and it has to go in at exactly the right temperature and for the specified time on the packet.

I can smell when its cooked and I go and start dishing up. And he hovers and tells me the timer hasn't gone off yet. I dont think a minute or two extra will make a difference. If its cooked, its cooked.

But food to DP is a necessity. Whereas I like food to taste good. He would eat anything even if he burns it. We're just different.

The brownies thing though, wow. Reminds me that long ago, while we were dating, DP told me he can bake really good cakes. I've yet to see him bake anything. 16 years, hes not baked even a single cupcake.

TheShellBeach · 04/01/2024 21:41

OP you've said your DH isn't autistic, and you sounded miffed when I suggested it.

Are you quite sure he isn't? Has he been tested?