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Original poster

Deleted after a few years. Am I a terrible person?

84 replies

MysticalMagical7 · 03/01/2024 11:36

I was with my ex for 5 years. We ended mutually and respectfully (just fizzled out) and I always think fondly for him. We split up in 2020.

We are not in contact but civil, still friends on social media. Until the other day when I saw him on suggested friends. He absolutely hated his ex (cheated on him) and he’s still friends with her.

I thought he always thought fondly of me too, and turns out he likely hates me which is why he deleted me.

I don’t know why I’ve taken this to heart but I really have? Why would he do this?

OP posts:
Youcannotbeseriousreally · 03/01/2024 11:38

I really don’t think it matters now. Maybe he found it difficult to watch you live a life without him. Anyway. Move on. Nothing to be gained by overthinking this.

sonjadog · 03/01/2024 11:39

How do you know he hates you?

MojoMoon · 03/01/2024 11:41

Maybe his EX bas a dreadful life and he likes seeing it on social media because it makes him feel better

Maybe they are back together

Maybe he had a social media friend purge but got distracted half way through

Why have you immediately leapt to the conclusion that he hates you? He probably barely thinks about you at all and this is why he doesn't need you as a social media contact?

temperedolive · 03/01/2024 11:43

My guess would be that he probably has a new girlfriend who demanded he unfollow his exes. He wants to keep tabs on the other ex out of animosity, but he tried to appease her by deleting you.

Comedycook · 03/01/2024 11:45

You are massively overreacting

mottytotty · 03/01/2024 11:46

Am I a terrible person?

Do you always catastrophise like this? On what planet are you a terrible person? 🙄 He’s a mutual break-up from 3 years ago. He probably had a clear out of people from SM.

As he had a bad break up with the other ex, he probably wants to stalk her.

As you had a mutual break up, there isn’t that burning need to stalk you.

This is the male mentality.

SamW98 · 03/01/2024 11:47

Why on earth would it bother you in slightest what your ex from 3 years ago is doing?

Outliers · 03/01/2024 11:48

Probably has a new GF asked for him to delete you.

Not that it matters as it's been 3+years now

BodenCardiganNot · 03/01/2024 11:49

This is the male mentality.

Don't think it's only the male mentality. Plenty of posts on MN from women stalking their exes (regardless of the break up).

WhatNoRaisins · 03/01/2024 11:49

I know a lot of people who simply have regular purges where they delete anyone they haven't interacted with in a while. You seem to be taking this really personally for someone you aren't in contact with.

sweetpickle23 · 03/01/2024 11:50

My ex husband deleted me off social media (we split amicably) and it hurt at first but honestly why on earth would I want to see his new life and his new wife etc, and vice versa. Kindly, I think you need to just accept that you're not in one another's lives anymore.

EC22 · 03/01/2024 11:50

He’s not your concern anymore.
You shouldn’t give him another thought.

Couchant · 03/01/2024 11:50

Do you normalise catastrophise completely unimportant events like this?

NoBinturongsHereMate · 03/01/2024 11:52

Maybe he hates you.

Maybe he's still in love with you and can't bear seeing you happy without him.

Maybe he thinks you are still in love with hm, and it would hurt you to see him happy without you.

Maybe he has a jealous new partner.

Maybe he dropped his phone, caught it awkwardly and deleted you by accident.

Maybe he was abducted by aliens and they're worried you'd work out he's now under their control.

Maybe you'll never know, and should try to worry less about what other people think of you.

mottytotty · 03/01/2024 11:55

BodenCardiganNot · 03/01/2024 11:49

This is the male mentality.

Don't think it's only the male mentality. Plenty of posts on MN from women stalking their exes (regardless of the break up).

Edited

True. Given male stalking is often so dangerous for women, I’d take it as a blessing when an ex fades into the background.

TeapotTitties · 03/01/2024 11:55

Are you always prone to such drama and overreaction OP?

I'd already rolled my eyes at 'Am I a terrible person' in your thread title, but now apparently he hates you? 🙄🙄

There could be a million reasons why he deleted you, my money's on the things you might be posting?

McMuffins · 03/01/2024 11:56

Thinking about it now I’ve had exes randomly unfollow me, I never gave it a second thought. Maybe he just doesn’t enjoy seeing your posts anymore? Either way it’s really not worth worrying about tbh.

mottytotty · 03/01/2024 11:56

TeapotTitties · 03/01/2024 11:55

Are you always prone to such drama and overreaction OP?

I'd already rolled my eyes at 'Am I a terrible person' in your thread title, but now apparently he hates you? 🙄🙄

There could be a million reasons why he deleted you, my money's on the things you might be posting?

Oh God, I missed the ‘he hates me’. That’s what a 12yo would say.

ElevenSeven · 03/01/2024 11:58

I’ve always deleted exes instantly. There’s no reason for them to still see my life, and vice versa. Don’t fixate on the past; look forward

LauderSyme · 03/01/2024 11:58

You might be a terrible person but no one on MN knows, do we? It is unlikely though. You are probably quite lovely and set great store on being liked and likeable, which is why this has upset you so deeply.

It is much more probable that he is simply moving on with his life and has no emotional baggage concerning you, the way he does with his cheating ex. I can understand wanting to 'keep an eye' on someone who had hurt me. It's a defence mechanism - though probably an unhealthy one after all this time.

Try not to be equally unhealthy by creating and hauling your own unnecessary baggage around! BrewCake

Kitkatcatflap · 03/01/2024 11:58

So you broke up in 2020 Brit were together for 5 years. So at the very least that makes his ex 8 years ago. Time can distort or heal views on ex's. As the previous posters have said maybe he is curious, maybe he has transferred the hate from her to you, maybe he was just scrolling and clicked the 'add' button by mistake (yes I have done that). Who knows?

There is so much pressure to stay friends these days - sometimes you need a clean break and a bit of distance, don't over think it.

quisensoucie · 03/01/2024 11:59

What is it you want?
Continued adoration?
A 'friend' for you social media numbers?
To show him you have a life?
Your leap to 'am i a terrible person' is completely illogical - what do you want us to say?
You are acting very oddly for an ex who hasn't been in contact and is only 'friends' on facebook

Doggymummar · 03/01/2024 12:00

I deleted 6000 contacts over the last few weeks. People I didn't see last year or have no value to me anymore. I wouldn't notice if someone deleted me, unless they were a close friend. I find it bizarre you would even notice

ElevenSeven · 03/01/2024 12:01

temperedolive · 03/01/2024 11:43

My guess would be that he probably has a new girlfriend who demanded he unfollow his exes. He wants to keep tabs on the other ex out of animosity, but he tried to appease her by deleting you.

Not necessarily, that’s a very main character syndrome way to look at things.

Not everything is about you, maybe he just moved on and doesn’t have any interest.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 03/01/2024 12:02

I deleted mine because I saw him make a an off comment and I just thought fuck you, I dont need to keep up a pretence and tolerate your existence anymore.

Have you touched a nerve? Done well at something that made him jealous? Accidentally liked a post when having a cheeky browse?

Hate is closer to love than indifference. He might just be more invested in how someone he hates is doing.

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