Should i be concerned about the boy next door

[Jacksmom4eva]

HI just looking for some advice please. There is a little boy living next door in a flat with his parents but hes never been seen! We hear him playing in frontroom and all over xmas hes been laughing and playing games from the sound of it but we share a back gate and in 3 months i've lived here no-one has seen him, they keep curtains closed and go to bed quite early (8ish), neither parents go to work and not talkative if u see them.

Would u be concerned ?

I'm not sure they're going to feel anymore neighbourly if their first interaction with heir neighbours is a report to social services!

5 6ish. Clothes on washing line and pretty clewr there's a child there, other neighbours know them as the couple with the boy

They've lived here almost a year and haven't spoken to anyone in the block

The NSPCC is currently running a campaign encouraging anyone with concerns about a child to report it. So maybe start with them. If you have any concerns about a child you should always report it. Whether the authorities do anything about it is out of your control. I wouldn't go and knock to be neighbourly either - they clearly don't want to be neighbourly (not in itself a concern). But if anyone does come to investigate then it will probably earmark you as the person who reported them.

My only caveat to all of this is, no one has actually seen any child. So is there definitely a child there?!

By all means get someone to do a welfare check if you are concerned

But a lot of your concern seems to be that they wear black hoodies, headphones and don't talk to their neighbours which are all perfectly normal behaviours

Sounds like a child, kids tv programs on, washing on line

You mean they wash his clothes too? Police now!

This , better to safe than sorry
if it’s nagging doubt, I would call social services
gut feeling rules

If something doesn’t sit right - it usually isn’t. Report it in and they can check history of family x

She has also seen washing on the line

Couldn't give.two monkeys what they wear I wear black and have airpods in! But when you don't see a child for months, they don't collect parcels, a weekly shop on more than one occasion has been left or returned to the shop, they would rather walk 15mins around then walk past any of us.and the child is never seen

Very helpful

I'd be concerned that the mother and the child are living there under duress.

If the curtains are closed and no lights, kid not at school, are you aire they aren’t squatting?

@Jacksmom4eva AIBU (which is the board you've posted on) is where members have a robust discussion, some of it quite blunt and to the point.

There are other boards for support you can post on, but AIBU does get a lot of traffic so can be good for a quick answer, it might just not be the answer you want though.

Just hand to over to social services, let them deal with it. It's not on you to investigate, particularly as the neighbours have shown they avoid interaction with you and others.

No.idea, lived there 9montjs ish private rent

You can make an anonymous report using crimestoppers website. They will send someone (police man and woman) around to just knock on the door step inside and chat for 10mins before leaving if everything is ok. I wouldn't normally do that but 1 time heard the most awful screaming and wasn't sure if it was normal for that household a child or a woman and thought if it turned out something happened and I hadn't done anything I would feel awful. So used the website because the phone had a huge wait. About 20mins later 2 cops turned up and went inside. No hassle no flashing lights just plain clothes very calm etc had a word checked everything was ok and left. Honestly if you think their might be an issue but don't want to involve ss as their so overworked you can just do a report via the website. They will do a welfare check.

If you are concerned about a child you should always report that concern. Ring social services- you can do it anonymously, many do. They will do a welfare check. Better that than a child suffering. If they do the check and it's fine then that's that, no harm done. They'll tell the parents they had a phone call from a concerned member of the public - that's all- and are there just to check their son is ok. If it turns out there is a reason to be concerned well then you've been very observant and helped protect a child. No idea why people are being so rude to you.

I see my neighbours' children, and they will see ours.

Get a welfare check arranged. So many red flags with this one and if I was you I wouldn't want to be someone that could've helped prevent a tragedy.

OP ignore the snarky posters.

Yes you might be over-reacting
But you might not

And it's EVERYONE'S responsibility to step up if they think something is wrong. It's all very well people on MN saying they never open their curtains because of nosey neighbours and so on, but they would feel differently if they had a gut feeling about a small child.

Do what feels right.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/report/

Just do it. You are concerned enough to be here asking.

Years ago I had a neighbour who I saw quite rarely, a man who I assumed was single as I only ever saw him, the house was in a right state, the back yard full of rubbish, but I thought, oh well, single guy and took no notice of him really. Then his overflow leaked constantly and the water kept coming into my yard and it went on for weeks. So I went round, imagine the shock I got when he opened the door and he had a new born baby in his arms! I hopefully concealed my surprise, asked if it was his first, to which he responded that it was his second but his girlfriend's first. I had never seen a woman, pregnant or otherwise at the house, I do not and would not ever spy on my neighbours but all the houses on my street are small and close together so you do notice things. Anyway, time went by and I never ever saw the woman out and about, I would occasionally glimpse what I guessed to be a female figure in the kitchen, always in the evening and always wearing a towelling robe with the hood pulled up to obscure the face. I would sometimes see the child who was by this time a toddler, peering out of the back room window, it was a little girl and as the blinds were always down, sheused to lift them over her head and shoulders so she could look out. When she did this, I would see the man grab her and pull her back into the room. I did phone the police to do a welfare check as it really troubled me. I was told that all was fine but to this day it seems an odd set up. They moved out, the house had to be all but fumigated such was the state it was in, however the firm that did the cleaning and clearance told me that the bathroom was spotless. All very odd and unsettling, to this day I am sure I did the right thing by reporting it and I still sometimes think about that little girl. The house does seem cursed as the next tenants were awful, kept it in right state and the current ones have turned it into an unofficial HMO with noise, tons of rubbish and they trade scrap from the yard.

Op, I could have been your neighbour myself however I don’t live in a flat or share a gate.
My blinds are always closed simply because when I have walked into the street I can literally see inside my own house. My kids don’t go outside as it is unsafe for them to do so ie. No back garden and youths hanging around on the estate - they don’t cause much trouble but even so, wouldn’t trust them near my dc. My son likes to stay at his grandparents in school holidays as they have a large garden so he can play out. So there are times when you will see me without him.

We go to bed early/ switch off lights/ heating early/ sit in bed and watch tv to keep energy costs down. So I guess my neighbours would also class me as a weirdo!

I would also like to ask if it’s possible that they aren’t actually the boys parents and are maybe a close friend or relative who looks after him / has him stay overnight if his own parents are working?

I would also like to ask if it’s possible that he is being homeschooled hence why you never see him?

It’s also possible he could be disabled so may not be able to leave the house and play outside? Or if he’s nd then maybe he doesn’t like playing outside?

Maybe the family are on some type of witness protection scheme or in hiding/ escaped a dangerous situation and so keep themselves to themselves and don’t talk to anybody or risk their child being seen?

Apart from that it does sound very bizarre and concerning. I guess one good thing is that this child seems happy and you don’t say that you hear any abuse/ shouting etc.

There are all kinds of things it could be. But that is for someone professional to determine. From the OPs point of view, she is concerned about a child, she should report it. Someone else should check everything is OK.

@littlebopeepp234 It could be any and all of that. Who knows?

But that's the point really, nobody knows. We can 'what if?' back and forth - could be fine, could be neglect/abuse/other going on but it's all just chat and we'll still be none the wiser.

The people who are trained to find out are the ones that need informing, which OP has been advised to do by her own employers safeguarding lead.