To choose to just want one child

[Strawberry06]

I am nearly 35 weeks pregnant and starting to prepare for our sons arrival.

He will be our only child which both DH and I agree on. Mainly due to one being enough to worry about in this world but also in terms of splitting our time, devotion etc, I just don't think we could do it.

Our ages may also be a factor. I am 37 in 6 months and DH will be 40 in October. I know people have babies well into their late 30s/early 40s and that's totally fine but personally it's not for me. Even if we were younger I think we'd feel the same.

Anyway for a bit of context, I come from a very small family. My Dad was an only child and I have no grandparents left. I only have a sister who is 5 years older than me but we aren't close and never have been really.

DH comes from a huge family. He has two older brothers and two younger sisters as well as numerous Aunts & Uncles.

Now I'm fully aware of the whole 'only child syndrome' stigma but I believe this is just a society thing and its ultimately down to how we raise him. I look at my Dad and he is my absolute hero and always been so generous and kind, I would never have said he was 'spoilt' or anything negative coming from being an only child. That's why I was shocked when speaking to my mum over Christmas cause we were talking about us only having one child and she seemed skeptical and said that even my Dad had his ways which shocked me!

It got me wondering and wanting to hear from others who openly decided that they just wanted one child? What has your experience been like?

I can't even begin to understand why spending £2500 a year on toys for a one year old is something anyone would envy.

I can't even understand why it's being mentioned on a thread about single children.

I can see it as an insensitive boast, when many families can't afford the basics like food, rent or a mortgage.

It’s also wasteful and unnecessary.

Says more about the mother than the child.

Do them a favour and put the money into a savings account.

That's an odd question. Why do you ask?

I'm loving the idea that someone would read about "toy rotation" and think this means Argos - playroom - charity shop!

I have one and I know for sure that’s it for me. I feel like I can be a good parent of one, but I don’t think I’d be a good parent of two or more. That was the main factor for me.

Can anyone just not be arsed having another .

Definitely you do you, one and done is a known phrase!

Three things that might change your mind: hormones after you've had your baby, might make you desperate for another - I had that and so has a friend!

Your child might request a sibling! Mine did lol.

You might think that with two, you've got a play mate which will make things easier down the line. No guarantees siblings get on, but if you look generally, siblings do tend to play together.

We seem to know many onlys so you won't be the only family sticking with one.

I very much wanted a 2nd child and had one (both when I was in my 30s.)
But before they were born, I wondered how I could possibly love another as much as I did my first born.
I did though and couldn't understood how I'd been worried.

Years later, when I was talking to a psychologist (connected with work, not myself) she said love wasn't like a well that was finite, love was a river and whoever stood in it would be bathed in love.

I thought it was a beautiful way to define it.

I don't think it's unreasonable at all. If I had been older when I had my first, I'd have stopped at one as well. I've set a deadline in my head for conceiving our second child. If it doesn't happen naturally in that time frame, we'll be perfectly happy with our son being an only. There are so many benefits to being an only, if I didn't feel the emotional need to have a second then I certainly wouldn't bother!

I always wanted 3. Then I had my 2nd and went omfg wth why did I do this to myself.

My boys are now 4 and 2, I can see the light at the end of the chaos tunnel and I'm glad I have them both - but I wholeheartedly respect anyone who says they only want one. Having two children really does complicate things and adds on a lot more stress.

I definitely won't be having a third. Well, not on purpose anyway.

I’m an only and I desperately, desperately didn’t want to have an only. I can’t afford a third otherwise I would have done.

I now have two. I’m glad I have two, but I feel that (at least at the moment while they’re both very young) my youngest benefits from the presence of my oldest a lot more than my oldest benefits from the presence of my youngest. That might change.

I knew I was only going to have one child. I was 36 and DH was 53 when he was born. I absolutely still only want just him. It gets really annoying constantly being asked "so when are you having the next one?" My advice is to ignore, ignore, ignore. I like the idea that all of my focus, be it physically, mentally, emotionally or financially will all be for just DS. I'm one of three myself and growing up was alot harder than if I'd been an only in regards to money and time

Children learn through repetition. They need to spend proper time exploring, repeating and experimenting with their toys. Plus using their imagination, and engaging with the world around them. This is genuine child development pedagogy.

Not an endless stream of new toys.

Since you are a great parent, I'm sure you will use this information wisely. Look up enhanced and continuous provision.

I’ve got 3 sisters, we’re very close and it does make me sad my child won’t have that. However I have still chosen to only have one for reasons of age, money and my own emotional/mental capacity to parent (I am a good parent to one, but it hasn’t come easily to me).

My mother assured me that once you had one, the second was almost no more trouble. My experience was that the second is just about 100% harder. However 30 years on when I had to break bad news to them, I knew why the second one came along

Sorry but this is just awful and so wasteful! As someone said above, your child doesn't need an endless stream of plastic how bizarre!

We have a only now teenager, he is a pretty good child but no matter what people say about only children there is nothing on this planet that would have made me change my mind

There is no one reason it is just a fact and in my very late 40's it ain't changing now

Im a great parent, I buy her what she wants because I can. As does DH.

A baby who is one year old doesn't have 'wants'. They have very basic needs like food, a clean nappy and a parent who spends time talking and playing with them.

'Play' doesn't mean an endless stream of new plastic.

The toys are being bought because the parents want to buy them. Showering babies with endless plastic toys is not showing you care, in a way they understand. You're attributing adult emotions to a baby.

A parent who buys a fraction of those toys and spends their time reading to their child, building their language skills, taking them outside for walks and helping them appreciate and understand nature is contributing far more.

This is why i wish society as a whole would stop commenting and comparing peoples life choices. People on the receiving end of comments like ‘selfish’ or ‘they’ll be lonely’

We are 5 years in ttc after miscarriages and ivf and one would be such an amazing blessing!

I think you should have as many children as you want, whether that be one or multiple. I felt peace after having my last child as I knew my lingering broody feelings had gone, and I feel for anyone who isn’t able to reach that as the feeling of wanting a child can be overwhelming.

Ha. Based on these lacking skills: Are you an only child then 😂?