to refuse to travel up to London(with 7 month old baby) to escort my 19yr old niece from Euston to victoria so she can visit us

[shrinkingsagpuss]

i could get flamed here, or not.. I've asked my Mum - of course, she sticks up for me.

DH's sisters daughter, travelling from somewhere else to London. 19 (!), nice girl, rather un worldly at times. Wants me to go to Victoria, cross London to Euston, meet said Niece, then travel home again together. 3 (4?) hours out of my precious toddler free time.

DH won't take a day off to do (which I don't blame him for).

Am I being the SIL from hell?

I have suggested she gets a taxi, which would be cheaper than my ticket there and back.

Message withdrawn

Reminds me of coaching 19-year-olds in a sport. Many of them were really worried at one point and thought they were ill. They had got out of breath....

My first trips to London on my own were at age 11. Not just YANBU but you MUST not do this. She deserves not to have her hand held for this.

Your dh put the phone down because you said no

Good grief. I would refuse, sulky behaviour from your dh or not. Utterly ridiculous to expect you to transport a baby to chaperone an adult. If she was 9 maybe, but 19?

When I was 19 I lived in the South of France and used to travel there from the north of England on public transport. YANBU.

I am amazed at this. You mention that she is working. What poor employer gave her job?

YANBU

erm, as a few posters have already mentioned.

I moved to Germany at age 19, flew over alone and got a train from Frankfurt to the town 1 1/2 hours away where my employers picked me up from the train station. I spoke no German and did not have a clue where to go. I managed.

Your DH is being extremely unreasonable.

This is one of the silliest things I have ever heard. It is such a simple journey- just talk her through what she needs to do or look for. People will actually also be much friendlier than you might expect about helping her should she get lost.

How will she learn? Will she still need escorting for the rest of her life?

At 19 I was backpacking round Poland ffs.

don't do it unless she has some kind of special needs, then do it but leave your baby with someone else. will be awful taking a baby in.

I was a VERY unworldly 19 year old and got myself from Victoria coach station to Paris to work as an au pair. A 19 year old is absolutely capable of getting a taxi or the underground from Victoria to Euston. Stay put!

she can get a cab and stop being so hapless!dont pander to her gormless ways -only encourages her

I ve emailed DH with a list of suggestions as per MNers advice.

He hasn't replied. I think he knows its crazy, but doesn't know how to tackle SIL.

I've tackled our friends who are the only people who could have DD, and asked them to refuse if asked...

No special needs that I know of, and the more I talk to people, and read all your replies, the more it hardens me to stnd my ground. The worst DH can do is threaten to leave me (or leave I suppose), and he did that in September, and never foolowed through, so at least it can't be worse than that.....

I hope your DH realises how ridiculous he's being. If he doesn't, maybe you should put the ball in his court and ask him what he thinks will happen if you don't meet her ??

"All" she has to do is get on a southbound Victoria line train. There are signs everywhere pointing to the Victoria line at Euston. Get off at Victoria, go up to the main concourse and read the boards telling her what platform she should go to for the mainline train. At the ticket barrier she can ask if this is the right train for such and such. Done.

There will be masses of people about. She is very unlikely to get lost / abducted / mugged.

The thought of you, on the other hand, having to negotiate trains, steps and escalators with a 7 month old baby in a pushchair, who might, at any moment, need feeding or changing .... or could easily get knocked by people rushing /pushing past, is awful. Can't believe your DH wants to subject you and your baby to a totally unnecessary journey like that.

So is the impetus for the escort coming from SIL or neice? Because someone further down suggested speaking directly to your neice..

Yes, I would go directly to the niece if poss. Say that it's a short tube trip but if she's not sure about doing it on her own then she can get a taxi. If she has a shred of independent spirit and pride in her then she will agree to get the tube. Then you can present it to DH and SIL as a fait accompli.

TBH at 19 I would have been happier on Tube than in a taxi.

Send dh and your niece the link someone posted to the Transport for London journey planner. And then leave THEM to sort it out. If dh is that OTT about her welfare, he can take time off himself. If he's not prepared to do it, he can't be that bothered, can he?

I don't know how Niece would repond to me - I don't even know if the underground issue has been raised by her or SIL - SIL has asked DH for "us" to meet Niece at Euston for her arrival ,get her across London to victoria. Then the theory is she can do it alone on the monday when she goes home. My greatest fear is, say we do meet her, what happens iof she freaks and can't do it on monday? My DS is home from nursery and I am even less inclined to drag BOTH of them up to London!!

I don't have a number for Niece, so would have to go through SIL anyway. Nonoe of us are that close - not even DH and SIL.

DH still hasn't repleid to me, so I will let him mull over it - usually he needs time to get sensible about these things.

Errr, don't do it! She's 19 FFS. Grow up! But if you think she would crumple - either talk her through to the nth degree where she needs to go, or get a cab for her (See if SIL will pay for it though - why should you)

YANBU

The reason she's so incapable is that the adults around her don't give her the opportunity to grow up. What's the worst that could happen on the tube? Misses stop?

its not me you need to convince any more... I started a new thread (can't do links) - i need to convince my DH ( who is behaving like an eeeeejut)

Euston to Victoria could not be easier.

Don't go.

I can't believe your dh threatened to leave you because your dd was crying (was that the other thread ?) and you think he might threaten again if you stand firm on this, as you of course should ! Sounds to me there are some serious control issues afoot in your dh's family. Beat of luck. remember YOU are the normal one here.

I think introducing the scenario Catsmother depicts - stampeding commuters, escalator, toppling child, crushing, etc - to your DH is the way to go. Let him re-locate his over-protective instincts.

Why did he threaten to leave you?

If your DH threatens to leave YOU because you won't chaperone his adult niece because it's putting you way out then he seriously needs a good kick in the nuts! YANBU