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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to travel up to London(with 7 month old baby) to escort my 19yr old niece from Euston to victoria so she can visit us

135 replies

shrinkingsagpuss · 17/03/2008 12:14

i could get flamed here, or not.. I've asked my Mum - of course, she sticks up for me.

DH's sisters daughter, travelling from somewhere else to London. 19 (!), nice girl, rather un worldly at times. Wants me to go to Victoria, cross London to Euston, meet said Niece, then travel home again together. 3 (4?) hours out of my precious toddler free time.

DH won't take a day off to do (which I don't blame him for).

Am I being the SIL from hell?

I have suggested she gets a taxi, which would be cheaper than my ticket there and back.

OP posts:
MioMao · 17/03/2008 12:28

YANBU - and don't offer to pay for a taxi!

Offer to meet her at your local station and leave it at that. If her parents want to mollycoddle her and give her money for a taxi, it's up to them. Not your problem.

ratbunny · 17/03/2008 12:29

we had the same problem with sil, who at 21 went with us to london.
well, she didnt bring enough money for the tube ticket, nor her lunch, then insisted on dh driving her home at the end of the day - 1 1/2 hours, which she could have done on the train. When I suggested she went by train, she sulked! I was fuming (and as dh will do anything for her, I was the big bad sil)! to make it worse, she complained to mil that we wouldnt buy her anything! she's 21 - dh and I were married and living alone in a different part of the country by then.

so yanbu - put your foot down now, or look what could happen.

MrsBadger · 17/03/2008 12:30

YANBU

but like Marina's ds I was an experienced traveller from a young age and I know that not everyone is

posieflump · 17/03/2008 12:31

crumbs, people that age go interrailing alone all round Europe!! is she planning on going to uni?

beansprout · 17/03/2008 12:31

What MioMao said.

catsmother · 17/03/2008 12:35

Sorry, that's bloody ridiculous (assuming she doesn't have a disability of some sort requiring assistance).

It's not as if she'll be travelling abroad ..... all the signs will be in English and there are maps everywhere. You can even look up your journey on the internet these days before you set off !!

I think you're being more than accommodating by offering to pay for a cab - though this does of course mean that she's still being mollycoddled - albeit it doesn't waste your time.

If it's your DH who thinks it imperative she is escorted, then let him do it.

Chequers · 17/03/2008 12:38

Message withdrawn

marina · 17/03/2008 12:38

But in fairness I have seen teenagers the same age as this girl be majorly spooked by coming to London for the first time to attend college. Perfectly capable undergraduates do jack in their London courses in despair, or feel really alienated by it all, if it is not what they are used to.
I still think it is unfair to expect you to do the running with your baby, though, shrinkingsagpuss.

Niecie · 17/03/2008 12:41

YANBU - half her age group are off back packing round the world. You would think she could get across London by herself.

I was not very wordly but I was going up to London from deepest Hampshire with a friend to go shopping in Oxford St at 16 - it isn't difficult.

Chequers · 17/03/2008 12:43

Message withdrawn

Chequers · 17/03/2008 12:44

Message withdrawn

Hassled · 17/03/2008 12:44

My DS1 travelled overland from Tanzania to Cape Town on his own when he was 19. I barely slept for the duration, but that's besides the point.

It has just occurred to me though that she might be claustrophobic, in which case the tube could be an issue. If that's not the problem, though, you are actively doing her a favour by standing your ground.

Original poster
shrinkingsagpuss · 17/03/2008 12:46

ratbunny - I'm taking a risk saying this - but lat time she came, she flew, to Stansted, and I had to drive her there for her flight home - which was at 6.30pm - I left my DS with a friend, and tooke her to the airport. Fine no problem.

It came ot having some tea, and in the queue for the food, she was expectign me to pay. Needless to say, I didn't. She was 18,. working full time, invited her self down for a WEEK to play (expecting us to take DS out of nursery). Still don't know if my DH knows about this. I certianly didn't tell him.

Its a differnt world to the one I grew up in where if I stayed with family I took Flowers etc.....

OP posts:
PerkinWarbeck · 17/03/2008 12:47

gosh, that is sheltered indeed. I used to make regular day trips from Kent up to London, and travel around by tube/bus, from the age of 14.

Can you reassure her by promising to leave your mobile on and come to the rescue in the highly unlikely event that Niece doesn't get it right?

Original poster
shrinkingsagpuss · 17/03/2008 12:48

To give you an idea of what a big deal this is... DH hung up on me when I rang him ealrier to say "no"

OP posts:
ratbunny · 17/03/2008 12:50

sagpuss - that is what it was like with my dh and sil! but not anymore, now he knows how ungrateful she was.
your dh should be sticking up for YOU though!

ratbunny · 17/03/2008 12:50

just had an idea - if its that important to him cant he escort her?

hanaflower · 17/03/2008 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
shrinkingsagpuss · 17/03/2008 12:52

He would have to take a days holiday. And you know who'd pay emotionally for that.

I am placing a small wager with myself that he'll do it though.

He even paid for famiy to stay in local hotel after I had DD, she was a week old, and I refused to travel the 270 miles up to see them. (I had phlebitis in my legs, and developed mastitis while they were down too)

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 17/03/2008 13:00

Wouldn't fork out for a taxi for her, just give her the instructions and tell her you will meet her at the other end.

Mind you, if she is the kind of girl to fret about getting a tube etc, she will probably wring her hands at the thought of getting a london cab as well.

Blimey what are they coming to? I grew up in deepest darkest Devon and used to love my trips at 15 and 16 on my own to London - National Express to Victoria, then tube travelcard to get around. Yes, I got lost sometimes but that was part of the fun!

Youth today!

MrsTittleMouse · 17/03/2008 13:09

She may not have much common sense, but she's hardly going to get any if her family keep running around after her and never let her learn to do anything, is she?
YANBU.

RosaIsRed · 17/03/2008 13:14

Your DH is being very silly indeed. I would expect my 10-year-old to be able to manage that journey. Show him this thread so he can seen that the collective wisdom of Mumsnet deems him unreasonable.

abidabidoo · 17/03/2008 13:14

I can understand being spooked a bit - but it's part of growing up isn't it, doing spooky things for the first time, perhaps getting it a bit wrong - not recognising a ticket machine or something - but ultimately achieving it and being proud. And then next time slightly less spooked, and next time, even less spooked. I think you need to sell it to DH as part of a life-expanding experience for her. Offer to answer her mobile at any time if she is having problems (don't tell her it probably won't work underground).

I was a shy shy teenager (have to say I adored the Tube from an early age though and regularly bossed my country friends on trips to London - right need to go southbound now - no! not northbound you idiot -). So I can sympathise a bit, but now I'm 39 how would I cope with any sort of life if I hadn't done with these things for the first time!

Blu · 17/03/2008 13:20

Hmmm. What are the issues that make your DH feel so accommodating to his family? Does he feel cut loose? That yur family connections eclipse his (I note that you asked your Mum what she tought about all this....do you compare your family to his? Give him your Mum's rulings on things?). Does he feel guilty about his family in some way and is trying to make something up to them? Does he feel sorry for them for some reason?

Original poster
shrinkingsagpuss · 17/03/2008 13:25

complicated family - he left ome to go to Uni, posh southern uni, never went back up north. His family think he is the rich uncle 0 which he was, until he got divorced twice, met me, paid his ex wife lots of moeny, and bought a bigger house, and had 2 children!!

He won't let on to them that actually they probably havemore disposable income than we do!! He does feel guilty.

I wouldn't dare tell him I've spoken to my Mum, or show him this, he'd go mental.

OP posts: