to refuse to travel up to London(with 7 month old baby) to escort my 19yr old niece from Euston to victoria so she can visit us

[shrinkingsagpuss]

i could get flamed here, or not.. I've asked my Mum - of course, she sticks up for me.

DH's sisters daughter, travelling from somewhere else to London. 19 (!), nice girl, rather un worldly at times. Wants me to go to Victoria, cross London to Euston, meet said Niece, then travel home again together. 3 (4?) hours out of my precious toddler free time.

DH won't take a day off to do (which I don't blame him for).

Am I being the SIL from hell?

I have suggested she gets a taxi, which would be cheaper than my ticket there and back.

Yes I think I was that age (and from a sheltered northern background) when I went inter-railing with my little sister and managed to get us from Leeds to Istanbul and back via lots of exciting places - and not just the tube but also the Paris metro, the Barcelona underground, Berlin etc...

I went to Ireland on my own aged 10.

My Dad saw me off ointhe coach at Digbeth coach station, and I was met in Dún Laoghaire by my autie Maureen and uncle Eammonn, who were both bollocksed.

now DH is suggesting i find "cover" for DD (someone to look after her) while he comes home from work early, and I STILL go up to London to get her...

He's gonna get really stroppy about this... and I won't be able to post again tonight....

YANBU - my father rode the tube on his own as well as a bus & mainline train to get to school every morning...from the age of age 7...I should think a 19 yr old should be fine.

The London Transport website is really good for planning journeys etc if she is unsure about where she needs to go.....

Oh FGS, do not pander to this silliness, was going to say that I travelled from Ireland to London on my own when I was 17 (and had never done the trip before) but Sheik has trumped me on that one!

YANBU. I came from the sticks, back of beyond, very sheltered, etc., had never been to London, never been on the underground, etc. And I managed to find my way across London at the age of 14 on my first visit to the city.

Stand your ground, Shrinkingsagpuss. This is such a ridiculous suggestion. Has anyone actually asked said niece if she minds going on the tube by herself?

ffs!!!! Like Bozza @ 19 I was travelling acros Europe , working in Paris & Italy. YANBU!!!!!

If she's never been to a city before it could be difficult plus she'd be visable as someone not knowing where they are going.

You shouldn't be the one to teach her travel by her self & looking after herself it should be her parents. Can they travel with her & then she could travel back by herself.

at 19 isnt she at college - living away from home? i think put your foot down - or rather get dh to do it as it is his neice - i think he is passing the buck to you rather neatly!

This is just plain silly. Is there something wrong with this girl? Yes traveling can be hairy at times, but we are talking about a journey that many many young people do on a regular basis. It's not as if it's at night (although that would probably be easier for you and your dh) actually couldn't she just arrive in London in the evening if your dh wants to pick her up? Anyway as I was saying, I think the only scary bit might be catching the train at Victoria - the tube is pretty simple and lots of people to ask, but big terminii can be a bit overwhelming.

I was travelling around India on my own at 18 - London is really a piece of cake!

Your dh taking this so seriously must suggest there is something else going on here - ? Does the girl (eg) have a seriously bad sense of direction? or perhaps panic attacks? and the family system is not to have spell it, but to manage things in other ways? - which I can half-understand, not wholly, but.

The other thing that makes me wonder is that she's being spoken for - arrangements being made for her - rather than her planning her own things.

How about other compromise measures? - for instance that she will call you (mobile) once she gets to Euston, you can talk her through getting onto the tube, she can call you again at Victoria to find out where the train goes from? If some kind of "hands-off" support can be done, she will feel she has achieved something - which will be a start towards independence.

PS - I think getting cabs in London can be scarier than the Tube - you have to negotiate explaining where to go, where to be dropped off, how much to tip - all of which can be daunting.

"not to have spell it" = hasty typing for "not to have to spell it out"

If she were doing a round the world trip, then yes, she might need a friend or someone else to take her.

She could manage London though, I'm sure.

A nineteen year old is still a child.

The only thing adult about them is their age.

Marslady.....grey uniform!

in her defence i think i might worry about doing the tube on my own even though i do train journeys alone all the time, purely because i've only been to london twice before and always used the tube with a friend.

If she gets spooked, there will be staff she can ask to help her, surely?

My sister has just managed to fly to Mexcio with a change over in Dallas on her own which is an enormous acheivement as she has dyslexia and dyspraxia (and gets lost on our own town - unless she goes the ways she knows.... if there are roadworks, she's lost.)

So, having witnessed that my sister can do that, I'm sure an English-speaking 19 yr old can ask at an English-speaking train station what line she needs/what way it is if she needs to (some signs are rather confusing - I stand for ages figuring out the UG maps because I use them so rarely!)

As a very green and sheltered 19 yo I went interrailing with 2 friends and survived. Loved it ! Had never previously been abroad. I was brought up in a very quiet area, and quickly got used to the hustle and bustle of foreign railway stations.

My 12 yo ds2 until last year was a bit of a mummy's boy. But guess what ? He needled me for an oyster card, we got him one, and occasionally he goes on the tube alone. he is fine and enjoys the bits of freedom granted to him.

stand firm !

1st time I visited london was about that age. I came from a town in the nrth of scotland and when I arrived there, in the dark, I had to travel to a station on the underground where I was to be met. It was dark when I got to the big smoke and was, i kid you not, shitting myself until I go picked up.
London's a big place, and if you're travelling for the 1st time on your own it can be scary (the streets are paved with gold vs you'll get stabbed for your mobile the second you get there type ting )
Now I knew I was being silly but my fears were real.
Please don't rip the piss too hard!

FFS when I was 19 I had left home and inter-railed round europe! YANBU! From about 15 I had travelled alone from Gloucestershire to Brighton.

I was dreadfully overprotected growing up, but happily zooming around the vast Berlin underground network alone at 20. My parents were very upset at the thought but unable to stop me.

I grew up in the middle of nowhere in the Highlands of Scotland. By 17 I was working in London. Lordy, she will never grow up if no one will let her. If your DH is so worried he should go to London - it HIS sis he is fretting over!

so far we avoiding the subject. I mentionned a taxi, and he got all grumpy.

I agree I need to not do this, but DH will make it into a real issue... might have to start new thread... hang on....

shrinkingsagpuss, my dh is quite protective of females travellers as well. Not sure why. He will always insist on ferrying to and from the airport. But in his case, if he wants to do it that is fine with me. A bit unreasonable for him to expect you to make that arduous journey with a 7 month-old!

Can you send your niece the tubemap in advance, talk her through which line she needs to get, which signs to look out for (going in which direction), getting on the platform etc. Then offer to be at the end of a mobile.

She might actually be game to do it, just needs a little guidance.

I remember my parents teaching me how to take a plane by myself. Just the whole procedure of checkin, security, going to the gate etc. I just needed someone to explain it to me once.

Utterly ridiculous.

I travelled to Scotland from Leicester by myself when I was 13 and had to change at Glasgow.

When I was 18 I flew to America by myself and had to get a second internal flight once I'd got to the international airpor.

As I said, utterly ridiculous.