to refuse to travel up to London(with 7 month old baby) to escort my 19yr old niece from Euston to victoria so she can visit us

[shrinkingsagpuss]

i could get flamed here, or not.. I've asked my Mum - of course, she sticks up for me.

DH's sisters daughter, travelling from somewhere else to London. 19 (!), nice girl, rather un worldly at times. Wants me to go to Victoria, cross London to Euston, meet said Niece, then travel home again together. 3 (4?) hours out of my precious toddler free time.

DH won't take a day off to do (which I don't blame him for).

Am I being the SIL from hell?

I have suggested she gets a taxi, which would be cheaper than my ticket there and back.

YANBU! At 18 I left home and lived in a flat in central London! By then I had already done inter-railing/ youth hostelling and kibbutz! Before the days of mobile phones! Be firm. Say that you expect a 19 year old to be able to cope with getting a cab or tube and getting on a train and if anyone else feels she can't, then they have to chaperone her - or she can't come. What on earth is your DH's problem?

At 11 I travelled from Tottenham to Westmisnster to school every day.

is she NT?
if she is then yanbu.
Pefect opportunity for her to practice a bit of common sense and independence

YANBU.

For your soft northern niece, her family can either drive her down or pre book a taxi to meet her at the other end with driver holding up sign with her name on. Or she could just do what 1000s of other ppl do and get on a train all by herself, it'll be an adventure.

i was going to say unless she has a tonne of luggage YANBU. but then i remembered making a journey to cardiff by train with 2 suitcases a holdall and a pushchair so even with luggage YANBU!

You learn independence by trying things fro yourself - and you acquiere common sense through experience.

She'll stay unworldly if she is alwys cossetted in this way.

If your dh (or more importantly, her parents) is worried, then agree that yuo will give her accurate instrctions as to where to go (follow the underground signs), buy a ticket (go to ticket window or machine), which line to get on (Vicotria, southbound) and then which train she needs to get at Vicotria.

I had a written set of instrctions for the firt stime I was travelling on my own and had to fly from Glasgow to Paris via Heathrow, get train into Paris, corss Paris and then get another train to the SOuth of France. The difference was, I was sixteen. And I coped - despite my luggage failing to make the connection at heathrwo, so I had to log it as lost luggage at Paris and was then late getting into Paris, finding a massive queue for the taxis, bursting into tears and getting sent to the front of the queue by a kind gentleman and throwong myself on the mercy of the gendarme and then only just making the train at Gare de Lyons.

It's all experience - and at 19, she needs to be exposed to some!

YA(so)NBU - I have a young SiL who is the same, let her either find her own way or get lost and learn how to find her way. We bought SiL a map of London for her birthday -just need to teach her to read a bl**dy map next!

She is an adult. I don't think there is anything more to say...

She is a sap, under no circumstances go and meet her, that is ridiculous!

Am feeling sorry for this girl who doesn't seem to be having any of the experiences and adventures that someone that age should be having.
And it is nice to see so much consensus on Mumsnet. ALL TOGETHER NOW:

No you are NOT BU! But struggling up with a baby to meet an able-bodied young adult would be totally unreasonable. People her age are trekking through the rainforests of Borneo.

I used to hate the Underground at that age, found it really freaky, especially at night, but I wouldn't have gone as far as getting someone to travel to show me how to do it.

YANBU. At 19 she should be able to do this journey herself. My nephew almost 19 has just been up to london and he had to get himself from Victotia to Lewishem. He has not ben to London before but worked out his route before hand using the internet and he was fine.

She's probably quite happy to do the trip alone, and would cringe with embarrassment if she knew her mother was insisting on a chaperone.

Have you spoken directly to your niece about it? I'd just have an informal chat, tell her to grab a pen and paper, and give her the website address of the London Underground.

lol you are definitely N bu

Do you know there are actually UNIVERSITIES in London? Attended by people of JUST THIS AGE! And as far as I know central London is not full of crowds of lost young adults bawling their eyes out and asking for policemen

YANBU
How utterly ridiculous - I travelled to Germany by train at that age by myself, having arranged and paid for it myself.
Many young people go on gap years round the world at that age!

tissy... did you go to the school with the green or the grey uniform?

n n n n nineteen
she is an ADULT...whether her parents choose to recognise this or not..
..madness to encourage this attitude....imho

YANBU. She is an adult and perfectly capable of independent travel. All she needs is a map/tube map, your phone number in case she gets lost and a bit of nouse.

I went from Vicoria across London to Burnt Oak agfed 19 for a shag, and that was at 11pm.

I got on the train from Bath on a whim after a conversation with a "friend" who suggested I go to visit him and he said - why don;t you come now?

Those were they days.......

Btw, I am the worst person for sense ofm direction, and if I can do it at 19, slightly inebriated and having nevr gobe to London beofe, I am sure she can - the tube isn;t that difficult to navigate

I think you need to find the photo albums, sit your dh down and show him pictures of him and you at 19 - then ask him if his mum would have expected his brother's wife to travel for hours with a 7 month old baby to hold his hand on the tube. Realism seriously needs to be injected!

No of course you are not being unreasonable.

This reminds me of my two nephews - and it's all down to their parents. By the time they left school (at 18!!) they had never used public transport. When they were 16/17 my brother/SIL would drive them to my parents' house to stay for a few days - a 20 minute train journey.

They're both in their 20s now and still unworldly. When one of them flew abroad to visit SIL's family, my MOTHER (not his own parents, note) flew with him from Scotland to London and escorted from Terminal 1 to terminal 3 at Heathrow then flew back up to Scotland. He was 21 at the time. More fool my mum I know!

My SIL was very young when she had them and had no life skills of her own, but it's no excuse.

Put her in a taxi (but will she be able to find the taxi rank?)

Shiek - PMSL!! Reminds me of my youth!

lol Sheik

OMG

Bloody nambied pampied over protected spoilt teenagers make me want to hurt them in a way that will make them shriek for a week - though, in fairness, all that would take is jumping out at them and going BOO.

Ninefuckingteen.

By that age I'd left home, left the country, come back, found a home and a job, broken several laws, learnt to drive, smoke and shag, and even knocked a policeman's hat off.

These demands do not bode well for a relaxing visit. Make sure as soon as she comes through the door you show her where the kettle, oven and dishwasher are.

I can appreciate her unworldliness, but if she's not going to pop out of that bubble now, she will be bleeding you dry relying on you forever more.

If all else fails, perhaps you could ask Marina's son to accompany her?

YANBU When i was fourteen and at boarding school I used to travel from Bristol to Ipswich on my own, this entailed a taxi ride to Bristol Parkway, train to Paddington, tube to Liverpool St then train to Ipswich where my Mum/Dad/Sister and one particularly hairy journey our mad gardener used to pick me up......

Maybe you could tell her that

In World War II the average age of the combat soldier was 21
In Vietnam he was 19 n n n n nineteen