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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to worry about the hold alcohol has on the UK?

293 replies

whyhere · 02/01/2024 08:48

Prompted by a thread about an alcohol-free wedding, and some of the comments therein ('boring.... wouldn't go.... take a hip-flask....'), it seems to me that the need for/expectation of alcohol has really taken a grip in this country. Can people really not enjoy anything without alcohol? Is it really impossible to create a soap scene without alcohol being involved (yes, EE, I'm looking at you!)?

Anyone doing dry January? (Full disclosure - come from a family of alcoholics and have been sober for around fifteen years.)

OP posts:
RufustheFactualReindeer · 02/01/2024 10:10

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 02/01/2024 10:04

I feel the same about people proudly announcing they're going to do dry January or Stoptoper as a challenge. All credit to them for doing it, but if not having alcohol for a month is a challenge, there's probably a problematic relationship with alcohol going on there somewhere.

It's not necessarily a challenge for all the Dry January people though. It's often part if a general January health kick. I won't find it hard not to drink for a month. That doesn't mean it won't be good for me. I'll find it much, much harder to eat more healthily!

This

dh is doing it with me this year and he definitely has an alcohol problem but again he is trying a reset

elizzza · 02/01/2024 10:13

I love a drink but I’ve thought similar to you recently OP. I’ve been noticing alcohol for sale in places I wouldn’t expect it - for example National Trust cafes all seem to sell mini wine bottles, beers and cider now, which surprised me - aren’t they for a cup of tea and a scone?

GoonieGang · 02/01/2024 10:14

We have always been a nation of drinkers. Difference now is people drink at home rather than down the pub. Not sure it’s got a hold per se, it’s just considered fairly normal for some

LolaSmiles · 02/01/2024 10:15

It's not necessarily a challenge for all the Dry January people though. It's often part if a general January health kick. I won't find it hard not to drink for a month. That doesn't mean it won't be good for me. I'll find it much, much harder to eat more healthily!
I know it's not necessarily a challenge. Plenty of people have time without alcohol all the time or start a fitness kick or a health goal.

I was talking about people who do Dry January and similar as a challenge, (including people who think it's worth sponsorship for example).

JillwithaJ · 02/01/2024 10:17

As @CantDealwithChristmas says the drinking culture is from the old Norse communities it spreads over northern and central Europe into Russia.
It has been featured in UK by writers. Shakespeare, Hogarth and Dickens all have warnings and celebrations with their drinking characters.

Ambi · 02/01/2024 10:17

I'm doing DJ this year, don't usually as its my birthday month. Jan is also a tough month to get through, grey and dark with not a lot going on so it's easy to see why people would have a drink.

I agree though, alcohol has too much of centre stage. Pub life is dwindling though, I suspect due to cost, is that causing people to drink more? Those that would go to the pub once/twice a week for a couple of pints now drink at home and have more than a couple? I personally don't have anyone that I know of in our family with any major alcohol issues, growing up we had a bar in our house but it was only used every 3-6m when we had a get together. It was only for social occasions.

For the last 10 years I would drink every single weekend without fail. At least 2 large glasses of wine on a Friday and Saturday. I'd not get drunk and knew when to stop. I had a break from November and it has been lovely to wake up bright and fresh on a Sat and Sun. I had some wine over Xmas but doing dry Jan and seeing how long I can do this for.

Shakespearesister · 02/01/2024 10:18

But music doesn’t impact a persons health, negatively. It also isn’t a highly addictive, potentially dangerous substance.
Whilst I completely agree with your sentiment behind a wedding without food/music, you simply can’t compare these to the potential damage alcohol can cause.
It’s a highly addictive substance. No one would say you are ‘being boring’ if you decide not to take say, heroin, on a night out yet alcohol is perhaps more dangerous as it’s so easily bought/encouraged.

Cel77 · 02/01/2024 10:21

I also think alcohol is a big issue in this country, especially for my generation (40s to 50s years old). I was chatting to some friends about their Christmas holiday and they were all comparing the amount of drinks they had consumed. It was frightening. An alcohol free wedding might be a bit strange at first but I reckon people would still have a good time if they gave it a chance.

Shakespearesister · 02/01/2024 10:22

Letterbix · 02/01/2024 08:56

Of course there are people for whom alcohol is an issue but I don't think it's an issue for the whole of the UK!
You could pick anything about social occasions and say people are controlled or obsessed by it - what about food? A wedding without any food would be rubbish. Or music? Would you go to a party without music? Does that mean we are all obsessed and addicted to music?

Nothing wrong with a glass of wine at a party.

Sorry, my comment was to this post **

Willywanker1 · 02/01/2024 10:22

Yanbu. I would have dreaded an alcohol free wedding but five months sober now I would love it.

Alcohol is more dangerous and harmful than class A drugs but is more widely and readily available and pushed upon us.

I started to say 'cocaine' in my brain when I started thinking about having a drink and it really changed my way of thinking.

I'll just have one line of cocaine tonight.

One cocaine binge brunch won't hurt.

I'm not sure I can get through this wedding without cocaine.

New year's eve without cocaine?! No chance.

I'm sure someone will say it's not compatible - yeah alcohol is worse!!!! Financially, socially, physically, mentally....

(Cocaine would be much less worse is grown farmed and sold ethically)

SalviaDivinorum · 02/01/2024 10:23

I find weddings deathly dull and boring. I would want a glass or two of wine to relieve the tedium!

CantDealwithChristmas · 02/01/2024 10:26

JillwithaJ · 02/01/2024 10:17

As @CantDealwithChristmas says the drinking culture is from the old Norse communities it spreads over northern and central Europe into Russia.
It has been featured in UK by writers. Shakespeare, Hogarth and Dickens all have warnings and celebrations with their drinking characters.

As does Chaucer. Pretty much everyone's pissed in Chaucer. Especially the clerics :-)

Also fair to add that across cultures, geographies and centuries, weddings have always been boozy affairs. Boozy weddings feature in everything from old Hindu drama to Ancient Greek epithalamia to Anglo Saxon poetry (what little we have) to the Enuma Elish to, hell, the Wedding at Canaan....weddings = booze!

LakieLady · 02/01/2024 10:31

I love a drink, but even I can see that the sort of scenes you see at weekends in some city centres in the UK, and at some events like big race meetings, are problematic.

Even in my hard-drinking youth, I was never so pissed I passed out or puked up in the street, or it being a general thing in town centres at weekends. And I don't recall any of my friends doing that, save perhaps for just once, before they knew their limit. I can't recall ever seeing massive drunken brawls outside pubs and clubs, either.

Of course, there'd be the occasional person who staggered home, possibly singing, after overdoing it, and once in a while a friend would fall asleep on the train home after drinking at a work do and end up in Brighton or Hastings instead of Croydon, but that was pretty exceptional. And they got the piss taken out of them mercilessly for it for ages afterwards.

I live in a small town with loads of pubs, but drink-related problems are rare (luckily, because we have at most 2 police officers on duty, even at weekends). But I won't go into the city on a Friday or Saturday evening, because it's full of pissed-up idiots.

Yes, it's a bit of a worry, but imo it's mostly a small section of the population that are involved in alcohol-related bad behaviour.

herewego2024 · 02/01/2024 10:34

I think drinking alcohol accelerated once it was available in supermarkets, some 24/7 whereas when you had to go specifically to an off licence (wonder why it was called that??) it took more of an effort than to just pop it in your weekly shop, or even daily shop, as someone up thread said, it's opportunity.

We had christmas with several 30 somethings and none of them wanted alcohol, how very refreshing I thought. Coming from a family who's life evolves around the pub, god I hate it..

KvotheTheBloodless · 02/01/2024 10:35

I don't drink, which I'm generally happy with, but I miss the lowering of inhibitions that alcohol brings. I'm neurodivergent, and have a limited social 'battery' that doesn't last long in crowded situations. A lot of people need a drink to be more social, especially at big gatherings where you're expected to be merry and dance.

I don't think it's sad, per se, but I do wish there was less of an expectation of everyone being super jolly and extroverted at a celebration, and that alcohol wasn't so ingrained in UK social gatherings.

It's nice to eat together, and/or do an activity together, but just sitting around talking/dancing needs a lot of social energy that most people don't have without a drink.

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 02/01/2024 10:36

DH doesn't drink and I am totally not bothered by it, so a drink free wedding would not be an issue for me or most of my friends come to that. Been to four dinners / invites recently, where barely any alcohol was touched and I served a dinner where the only options were alcohol free and not a brow was raised. It is also rare that anyone in our group of friends smokes either, but you certainly know when we are out and about, as it in no way stops us having a good, rowdy time, or being first on a dance floor!! Don't know if it is an age thing, we are all in our 50s, early 60s and I never felt the need when young to get drunk and our Friday, Saturday nights out always started in a local pub. I do think it should be mentioned on the invites of a wedding though, as certainly would have an influence on rooms booked, but perhaps, they got a discount on the wedding venue, based on room revenue?

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 02/01/2024 10:39

I think drinking alcohol accelerated once it was available in supermarkets, some 24/7 whereas when you had to go specifically to an off licence (wonder why it was called that??) it took more of an effort than to just pop it in your weekly shop, or even daily shop, as someone up thread said, it's opportunity.

Supermarkets have been able to sell alcohol since 1962 though - was there a rise in alcohol consumption from then? Also, I thought rates of drinking were niw going down, what with younger generations drinking less.

Ginmonkeyagain · 02/01/2024 10:41

@Taciturn Alcohol free beer is very very common and widely available in the UK, as are other alcohol free drinks.

Allfur · 02/01/2024 10:42

I worry about the hold over eating has on the uk, can people really not do anything with out eating crap food and upfs? I worry about the hold cars have on the uk, can people really not do anything without driving? Etc etc. Just because you've given up alcohol op don't be so judgemental about others, live your life, let others live theirs.

theduchessofspork · 02/01/2024 10:42

I don’t think expecting alcohol at a wedding is evidence the country is full of raving alcoholics. Other than in dry cultures, alcohol at a wedding is normal.

We do binge drink too much and some of us drink too much full stop, but so does a lot of Europe - the UK is just over average for Europe. We’re double the worldwide average, but obviously that includes dry countries.

I do think need to drink less overall, but all the evidence is that that’s happening with younger generations.

theduchessofspork · 02/01/2024 10:44

Willywanker1 · 02/01/2024 10:22

Yanbu. I would have dreaded an alcohol free wedding but five months sober now I would love it.

Alcohol is more dangerous and harmful than class A drugs but is more widely and readily available and pushed upon us.

I started to say 'cocaine' in my brain when I started thinking about having a drink and it really changed my way of thinking.

I'll just have one line of cocaine tonight.

One cocaine binge brunch won't hurt.

I'm not sure I can get through this wedding without cocaine.

New year's eve without cocaine?! No chance.

I'm sure someone will say it's not compatible - yeah alcohol is worse!!!! Financially, socially, physically, mentally....

(Cocaine would be much less worse is grown farmed and sold ethically)

It sounds like you had a problem with alcohol though?

I don’t, but I do like a glass of wine from time to time.

isthismylifenow · 02/01/2024 10:50

herewego2024 · 02/01/2024 10:34

I think drinking alcohol accelerated once it was available in supermarkets, some 24/7 whereas when you had to go specifically to an off licence (wonder why it was called that??) it took more of an effort than to just pop it in your weekly shop, or even daily shop, as someone up thread said, it's opportunity.

We had christmas with several 30 somethings and none of them wanted alcohol, how very refreshing I thought. Coming from a family who's life evolves around the pub, god I hate it..

Some people still call what I call a bottle store, an off licence here.

They are licensed to sell alcohol to be consumed off the premises.

A pub or restaurant have a licence for alcohol to be consumed on the premises.

TravelInHope · 02/01/2024 10:52

I once went to a 2-day Islamic wedding. Without alcohol as a social lubricant it was for me awkward and boring. No disrespect to that faith, but it was a very different atmosphere from a traditional British wedding.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 02/01/2024 10:57

YANBU

I was a heavy drinker and now sober over 2 years. I totally got sucked into the mommy wine culture when my kids were small and ended up in a not good place. OK a lot of people can enjoy alcohol rarely and socially but now I see it for what it is and it’s basically poison that’s pushed on people as being attractive and desirable and that if you don’t want to drink poison you must have a problem.

as for needing a drink for events to be enjoyable if you don’t drink the association with drinking and enjoyment gradually fades away. I read a book which had a chapter on events and alcohol and it said that you need to try and identify the pleasure in the event itself, if it’s only the alcohol then you may as well sit and drink at home.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 02/01/2024 11:02

jobwantednotneeded · 02/01/2024 08:59

Not being able to overcome inhibitions isn't 'sad' it's evolutionary.

People like a drink to relax and turn off our reptilian brains for an evening.

Agreed

I enjoy myself fine without alcohol but I am more guarded/aware than if I was drinking, that’s not a bad thing x