To not understand why we aren't having a baby? What other tests can I do?

[scndrinfrtlt]

I'm 29, DH is 30. AMH 17. Had ultrasound on uterus and ovaries, confirmed all fine, high follicle count, no issues found anywhere. Had hycosy - no issues. Semen analysis results above average (317m sperm count, 7% morphology, 62% progressive motility). Both taking supplements (pregnacare, CoQ10, omega 3 for me). We have a DC who is nearly 2. Trying for 9mo. I'm a healthy weight (59kg, 170cm)

I'm willing to have any other tests possible. What else should I investigate? What could possibly be wrong?

I had a v delivery but with the use of a ventouse suction cup and forceps. I remember being quite bruised down there afterwards. Could any damage have been done during the birth or delivery?

I tried for 7 years after my first, then suddenly fell pregnant with my second ! We had ivf, clomid, miscarriage etc and then it just suddenly happened. Don't give up hope, some things just can't be explained !

Isn’t that making sex so mechanical? I don’t want my partner touching me after an orgasm.

I’d find it a bit psychologically damaging to force myself to have sex every day if I didn’t want to/ felt no desire to and my body wasn’t receptive to it.

Theres certainly some wisdom in enjoying your life as it is and not convincing yourself you’’ll only be content when you have a big family.

I'd switch to trying every day 3 days before and 2 days after ovulation, rather than every other day. I know there can be arguments for it reducing the quality of sperm but also once released the egg is only 'alive' for around 8 hours so you want the sperm already well up inside your oviduct and ready to meet it asap. I know sperm 'can' live for up to 5 days in the female reproductive system but this doesn't mean it definitely will.

AMH 17 pmol/L = 2.38 ng/ml

This is very true. The longer you are trying the less you actually want to have sex. Nature does a number on us in this regard.

Book a holiday or start looking at moving house. Start a big redecoration project at home or begin any renovation/extension projects right now.

It sounds glib (and i know it upsets long term fertility strugglers - i was one!) but if the delay IS down to the weird 'the more you try the less it's going to happen' thing then doing something which tricks your body into thinking your mind doesn't care much any more does work.

It's happened to me twice.
First time was 2 years ttc and then we sort of sadly gave up and booked ourselves a £££ holiday to somewhere which was rife with unpleasant diseases risky to early pregnancy. Result = preg within a month.

Second time - after 2.5 years of desperate ttc (tracking cycle, doing ALL the phisical stuff recommended here, taking every supplement under the sun). I was driving myself and DH mad with it. I was depressed and so desperate. We were long term renters (6 years in same property) and the landlord suddenly called out of the blue to say he was selling up! Two months notice. Massive panic and had to look for somewhere else to live. Rural, not many properties. Kids educations and both our jobs all depended on getting the right property. Loads of pets and cars. Forgot all about ttc ! Result = preg before we finished packing to leave!

OP - I wouldn't worry. I came here to say about the supplements, but you're taking all that I wanted to mention. The sperm analysis looks great. You don't mention having any condition eg PCOS/endo, so I wouldn't worry. I think it's just a matter of time and tracking ovulation (I find cervical mucus to be the most relevant). Best of luck!

I would honestly love to feel less stressed about it but it's probably easier said than done...

Just to add - when I fell pregnant with my second we had had sex 2 days before ovulation and earlier in the weeks, so I ovulated on the Sunday (felt the pains) and we did it the Wednesday and the Friday leading up to
So the sperm was there ready and waiting for the egg

Honestly I can assure you that since there's nothing medically wrong, it's the stress you are causing yourself that is the problem.

You need to stop tracking, having sex every other day, and constantly worrying about it. Give yourself a break for at least a month or two and you'll more than likely fall pregnant in that time.

9 months is not a long time at all and given that you've already had one baby, I'm amazed they've recommended all those tests.

Have you googled the SMEP plan? (Sperm meets egg plan). I was struggling to fall pregnant, and managed every time with SMEP.

And to add again, that month we had decided to leave trying anymore because we were due to get married! We did a one last try and it only bloody worked that time, typical really !!

It took 6 months to get pregnant with my first. 5.5 months of tracking ovulation, planning etc.. Got pregnant 2 weeks after deciding to let go and stop everything because it drove me mad!

I completely understand the frustration etc, but stress and anxiety is definitely a big factor so try to relax. Now you've done all those tests, you know it's most likely that nothing is wrong at all.

There's a book called taking charge of your fertility which you might find helpful. Tips I got from there which I didn't already know, make sure your bedroom is pitch black at night, and avoid plastics around your food e.g. for storage. It sounds like you are on quite a regimented joyless routine of actively TTC. I'd suggest stopping trying so hard and just enjoying your life and sex.

Perhaps you’re just the type of person who finds it difficult to relax and not be in complete control?

Are you able to sit back and enjoy the moment or do you feel anxious if you’re not in control/always planning ahead?

Medically you’re both healthy and fertile.
Can you accept that conceiving is now out of your control and can’t be forced? (Unless via IVF)
All your internet research (and I’m willing to bet you’ve googled everything!) is making you anxious.

Your inability to let go of control might also explain your difficulties with sex/orgasm.

We had fertility MOT and told everything was normal but it still took us 10 months to conceive. I’d just keep going and it’ll happen. Best thing I did was relax a bit about it and be less obsessed with when we had sex etc. and that was the month we conceived.

@SmileyClare I think you're absolutely right in that I'm someone who wants to have control and is used to having control - planned out my top choice of uni and worked for it, chose a degree that would lead me into the career path I wanted, knew I wanted to marry my DH and informed him I wanted family young and not to stay bf / gf for 10 years etc!

How did you relax about it?

Try taking some agnus castus, worked for me after 15 months of trying. Only take on the days of your period x

Ah OP I really feel for you.

I got pregnant with DS1 on the pill, pregnant with DS2 in the first month of trying. We decided we'd like one more and I too thought it would be very easy but it wasn't. Meticulous tracking of ovulation, BBT, sex every other day, legs up, you name it. It was 13 months before I got pregnant at all, and then I had 2 miscarriages back to back. It was almost 2 and a half years before I was finally pregnant with DS3. After my miscarriages, we had only been having sex on ovulation day and the day after cause I just didn't have it in me to do every other day anymore. It did the job.

I have no magic words for easing the stresses or worries, sometimes it really does just take time for no real reason at all. You sound like you're doing everything "right" so to speak, so I imagine it will happen in time. I wish you lots of luck!

I’ve no idea how you go about changing your mindset but I can understand with your personality type why not conceiving “to plan” is causing you so much angst.

I do sympathise to a degree as I like to feel in control of my life and really hate surprises 😂

Im not suggesting you’re unhinged or anything but maybe some therapy will help you to relax or you could try some mindfulness techniques x

Tracked ovulation but didn’t make sure we had sex every peak day. We had sex just once in my fertile window. Before that we’d been having it every day some times more during my fertile window.

Also, as it was my tenth cycle of trying I just felt really tired from it and needed a break so just tried to focus on other things. I also constantly told myself that the consultant who did our fertility MOT had said “I expect you to get pregnant in the next 12 months” so I tried to put more faith in what he’d said and tell myself that we would get pregnant rather than worry about not getting pregnant.

To add to your witheringly dismissive post:

• On average, sperm only last for 36-48 hours. (Only 1-5% live for the oft quoted ‘five days.’)
• If you have been TTC for years then sex can unfortunately start to become a means to an end. The fun goes out of it due to your medical problems.
• If you have been TTC for a long time then, due to the first two points, it makes perfect sense why some couples will ‘only have sex a couple of times around ovulation.’

I think not being able to orgasm is something to work on, if you can find a solution to that then you'll enjoy sex more and be less stressed about the ttc journey. Maybe switch your medical investigations towards looking at that?

There's a lot we still don't understand about fertility - even though it happened easily the first time, that might have been a fluke, and you may well take a while to fall pregnant again.

What's your body fat percentage? If it's low, you might struggle to conceive, even with a healthy BMI. 20%+ is optimal for conception.

Keep trying. After 12 months, if there's still no sign of pregnancy, you can look into further investigations, and if everything is normal your next step is either IUI or straight to IVF. Unexplained infertility is very common.