To think my mother can be a bit rude sometimes?

[Dorisnightingale]

And if so, should I mention something? She's in her mid 50s and is a great parent to me, I am fortunate. However I realised she has some habits that could come across as quite rude.. nobody is perfect, I am certainly not, but I don't know if I'm overreacting or not.
For instance if we go out to eat as a family or whatever she will always order for herself first, and if hers comes first she will start eating immediately even if others' meals haven't arrived.
Of course if the other meals are taking a while then you shouldn't be expected to let your food go cold, but I mean instantly eating it when it arrives.
I went for dinner once with my ex partner and my parents. My Mum only has a smallish appetite and usually offers her food to others. She would be offering things to me but never to my ex, I started gesturing for her to offer him something too and she got the hint, but it felt awkward at first that she didn't offer him anything.
Or another thing is that she'll make comments loudly. For instance we were in a taxi and loudly said 'This driver's taking us the long way, we should've been here by now.'
Indeed some drivers do that and it's frustrating, but maybe it's better to say something to them rather than making loud comments they'll hear.
They live in a very small but very nice well-to-do town, recently there were 2 female beggars on the street there and as we walked through my Mum loudly exclaimed how she didn't expect to see them here of all places.
Lastly she will often cut people off when they're speaking, interrupt them sort of thing. She did it with my ex sometimes and I wanted the ground to swallow me up.
I know nobody's perfect and maybe it sounds like I'm being intolerant?
I know my ex wasn't that keen on her which hurt on one hand but to some extent I could see why.. I admit I'm worried about introducing any future partners. Not sure if I'm just being overly critical?

As a teenager one of my friends told me she didn't like Mum.. I remember being quite hurt by it as she hadn't given a concrete reason. My Mum hadn't been rude to her that I could see,I did feel embarrassed though

who taught you manners as a child?

Your mum does sound rather unaware of how she is behaving op. Presumably she must have been aware at some point that eating her meal straightaway before others have been served is impolite, as she has taught you that this is the case?

Has she always been like this or is this a recent thing? What does she say when you mention it? I hate to say it but have you noticed anything else about her behaviour that could indicate illness or early onset dementia? How is her executive function?

YABU, she sounds absolutely fine. How old are you?

For instance if we go out to eat as a family or whatever she will always order for herself first, and if hers comes first she will start eating immediately even if others' meals haven't arrived.

This is fine, why should her food get cold? You should be able to eat your food with family. The only time I wait for others is during work meals.

I went for dinner once with my ex partner and my parents. My Mum only has a smallish appetite and usually offers her food to others. She would be offering things to me but never to my ex, I started gesturing for her to offer him something too and she got the hint, but it felt awkward at first that she didn't offer him anything.

It’s her food she can offer it to whoever she wants to. You are her child, she probably feels more comfortable offering food to you from her plate instead of to your boyfriend!

Or another thing is that she'll make comments loudly. For instance we were in a taxi and loudly said 'This driver's taking us the long way, we should've been here by now.'

Again, this is fine, not rude. She didn’t insult him.

It sounds like you are easily offended or embarrassed. Now I’m 40, I’m also more direct and less of a people pleaser.

Please don’t push your mum away based on the above, nothing she does is bad.

Seriously, dementia? For what, eating her own food or offering it to her child?

This place 🙄

My mum is obnoxious too. Pretty much what you describe, also stopping dead in the street, and getting annoyed if someone bumped her, taking up a ton of space when browsing in a shop, she's the woman who will stop in a supermarket aisle, with her trolley cast perpendicular into the aisle.

We have a difficult relationship anyway, she is very selfish and shallow and I get easily 🥴 with it all.

Seriously, dementia? For what, eating her own food or offering it to her child?
It's the new black on MN.

You say he is your ex? If I had a daughter and her husband treated her as anything short of a princess, he certainly wouldn't be having any of my chips. And I might have a low tolerance for whatever nonsense he was spouting too.

Totally! Beggars belief. People really have trouble with older women having agency.

Edit: mea culpa.

And as for the taxi driver and eating first,,she just sounds really hungry

Yeah she's always been like that, I probably am just overthinking it. I think maybe I'm comparing with other mothers too.. I'll try to be less judgemental.

I agree with others the examples you gave don't sound rude. For instance offering food to your own child is fine, offering food to anyone outside family is a bit too familiar imo.
Are you still very young?
Are you overly self conscious about women following their own mind and not just people pleasing?

I'm in my 30s, maybe as I say I'm just comparing with others and also taking ex/friend's comments to heart. I'll try to be less bothered.

I'd say she's lacking a bit in basic manners, and over time these things can definitely grate on others.
YANBU.

She does sound a bit uncouth, but if that’s as bad as it gets, I wouldn’t worry too much.

Your friend was rude. I had friends with mums who I wasn’t keen on. Looking back they were just different to my mum. I wouldn’t have dreamed of telling them.

She does sound rude to me, but from the responses it’s clear people just have different ideas of what constitutes good manners. Talking about people when they’re within earshot is incredibly uncouth.

Agree I'd never say that to a friend about her parent unless there was something extreme.

She sounds like a woman who does and says what she likes.

You sound like a woman who people pleases and takes on others' opinions as truth

Very different women

For me, I admire women like your Mum.

It's (perhaps) a shame that you don't

Of course I admire her.. however stuff like talking loudly about people in front of them is just rude and embarrassing. Why is that necessary? I've told her a few times discreetly not to.

You’re being oddly nitpicky. This is an incredibly immature post. I’m sure literally anyone can come up with a handful of incidents when a family member has behaved less than perfectly.

And some of the examples you’ve given are bizarre - she didn’t offer and you GESTURED TO HER? Are you quite alright? And your friend didn’t like her 20 years ago?!

YABU.

I disagree.
Mother sounds rude.
OP sounds considerate.

Did she grow up overseas by any chance?

There are quite a few things that we would consider uncouth in the UK that are perfectly normal in some countries. Like talking with your mouth full, eating before everyone’s food has arrived, mashing your food and eating it with a spoon in your right hand, being rude/dismissive of people in ‘service’ jobs (such as taxi drivers).

She’s only in her 50’s! OLDER woman is a bit on the harsh side,