Knowing what you know now, would you have still made the same decision about having children?

[Drsparks]

I'm not necessarily asking if you regret it but if you had all the facts, and knew exactly how it would pan out would you have still made the same choice?

Eg
I would of had kids earlier/later.
Or
I chose not to have them because I wanted a childfree life but having lived it, I would have chosen to have kids because it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Or
I love my kids 100% but in hindsight I'd of probably been happier with a childfree life
or
Yes it is 109% the right choice

Typing this as I nurse my LO… yes, I made the right decision for me.

I have always wanted children and the idea of aging alone concerned me, even though it is quite demanding and I have significantly less money laying around.

My mother was distant and cold with me, and in many ways, I feel like I get to relive my childhood again with my LO, providing for her all the things I lacked, eg: love, affection, attention and support.

For me, raising my daughter has been the best therapy. I say this because I’ve had to really question preconceived notions of “the way thing ought to be”

I had the threat of redundancy hanging over me for 5 years and put off moving from flat to a house and ttc for 5-6 years.

If I had known when I would be made redundant i would have done everything at 30 instead of 36 and perhaps been able to have a second.

I should have children 5-10 years earlier. Had them just before and just after I turned 40. Now nearly 50, peri menopausal with 2 primary aged children who need more energy than I can give sometimes - and will need to work later in age than I planned if they want to go to uni.

Depends on your children though. Disabled DS is independent now but for decades this wasn't certain and I still worry about him.

For that reason and the fact that I was, honestly , pretty rubbish at mothering, leads me to say I probably shouldn't. Hindsight would have been useful in advance.

I love my kids but I still miss my child free life and my independence. I'm still not a naturally maternal person. If I'd decided to stay childfree I don't think I'd have regretted that decision but who knows. This is my life now so got to live it

I would have started earlier so I could have two instead of one. I’m 42 and have a 4 year old

I wanted children like a person dumped in the dessert wants water. Had to have fertility treatment to get them and then....
having children was even better than I imagined. They are 19 and 16 years old now and they are sweet natured, well-mannered, funny and intelligent and I am so proud of them and I love them so much. I am so lucky to have them and DH in my life.
Do the hard work of parenting them when they are young and you'll get so much back.

I would have had them younger, when I was mentally and psychically fitter. Had DD at 29, wish I'd been 21-23.

It's an impossible question because I'd always choose my actual child because I adore hin, which means I could only ever choose what I did.

But if we bracket the question of who my child is and talk as if I were choosing and the which child I get is a lottery, I would do things very differently with hindsight. I would have had children with someone else later on in life, mid 30s instead of mid 20s. I would be a lot more intentional and switched on about who the father is. I'm in a loveless relationship but I was too young to realise that getting on amicably isn't love, and isn't a solid enough foundation for a family. I would have developed my career and chosen my location to live rather than have a child and then scramble to make all these decisions, always on the backfoot.

Had one, would have liked more but health prevented it. 100% would do it all again. He is the love of my life.

Without a shadow of a doubt, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I'd even endure the marriage again if it meant having the same children. I wasn't bothered either way, but I having children forced me to deal with my issues and push myself forward to do something better in life.

Gosh your story has made me smile.
I am 33, single, just moved back to my hometown after 10 years overseas and I know very few people and cried yesterday that I will ‘never be a mum’ and will die alone. You prove there is hope.

I would still have had them, but I really wish I’d taken the time to appreciate child free life more before I had them! So much I took for granted.

I would have still had children but, my God, it’s so much harder than I ever imagined - and I like to think I was fairly well prepared for that with young children in the family. Definitely had my “What have we done?!” moments when consumed by anxiety and running off 10 minutes’ sleep while trying to cluster feed! Now here I am wanting to do it all again! 🙈

I hate being around children, always have and always will. I’m delighted not to have any. I’m in my 50s so that’s not going to change.

I'd still have them and do nothing differently they were very planned and it's worked out well

Definitely the right choice to have ds (recently 3) we both adore him. We absolutely should have had him earlier when I was first ready (we were 28 and 35), but dh was not unfortunately. As it was I was nearly 33 and he was 40. We both really struggled with the exhaustion of the first year, but dh still struggles with the exhaustion now. Male friends that are my age definitely find it easier. But dh is also very senior in his job which adds additional pressure in terms of energy levels and time commitments.

My mum has been ill with an autoimmune condition so we've not had much support either as she is an older grandma.

I think we wait to late in this country to have children, late twenties is the ideal age. You have more energy and you're probably not very senior at work so don't have to ballance a young family and a full on job. But equally you're probably far enough along your career path to earn enough money.

My sister is currently expecting her first and is sick of being pregnant, willing the baby to arrive before her due date. I don’t want to be the arsehole to say “Enjoy your peace and some sleep you can still get” but I can’t believe I felt the same way now knowing what the sleep deprivation is like now on the other side of it.

I never used to want kids, AT ALL! Still dislike other people's kids, but..my almost 2 year old daughter is my absolute world, I would not change a thing as I couldn't imagine being without her.

I ticked off a few here with my poor mum and dad - incredible parents btw. I look back and hate what I put them through as a teen. I hope it doesn’t take too long until you can also look back on this time and reflect at how far they’ve come. 💐

Exactly this.
I’m not far off 50, kids are late teens. The world just seems a terribly different place to 20 years ago. Everything just seems so much more difficult even before you start thinking about climate change etc.

I wouldn't change anything about when I had kids, or having them at all.

The age we were was right for us. Any younger and we wouldn't have been financially secure, married or have bought our own home. I was 31 when baby was born and feel that was a good age in terms of health and energy, and any earlier I wouldn't have been emotionally ready to settle down. It was also a good age for having a decent age gap with a second child, if we're lucky enough to conceive in the next two years.

My first baby was SO hard, no additional health needs, but a “high needs” personality; incredibly demanding and didn’t sleep more than a few hours at a time until he was two. However, I gave it my absolute all and we are extremely close because of it. After this crash course into motherhood, I sailed through my easy second son’s babyhood and loved every minute of it. Now expecting a girl at 38 and this pregnancy has been TOUGH. My boys are so incredibly loving; so many people on here seem to want girls, but honestly I can’t recommend boys enough for filling your heart. I wouldn’t change a thing, despite some pretty hefty ups and downs in my marriage .. we are still going strong and will get our time back together at some point.

I would definitely still have had children, but if I could go back I would choose a more family-friendly career path. I chose a notoriously family-unfriendly field (long before I had children, obviously) because it was what I wanted to do at the time and I thought that I should put my career before any hypothetical children that may or may not materialise.

46, no kids, no regrets! Biological clock just never started ticking. Been with the same person 28 years, in love and deeply content. Can't fault it.