Knowing what you know now, would you have still made the same decision about having children?

[Drsparks]

I'm not necessarily asking if you regret it but if you had all the facts, and knew exactly how it would pan out would you have still made the same choice?

Eg
I would of had kids earlier/later.
Or
I chose not to have them because I wanted a childfree life but having lived it, I would have chosen to have kids because it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Or
I love my kids 100% but in hindsight I'd of probably been happier with a childfree life
or
Yes it is 109% the right choice

100% happy with the decision. Spent my early 30's saying I didn't want kids but I think I actually did but was afraid of what it entailed (looked like hard work & expensive etc) but then I did get pregnant in the end (aged 37) and love being a mum. I know it's not the case for everyone but my life is so much better and happier after having him (I was spending a lot of time thinking too much and had bad anxiety which has disappeared luckily, I think being a mum has given me purpose). It is hard work at times but I absolutely wouldn't change it. Thinking about having another now at almost 40. Sometimes think I should've done it earlier but I wouldn't have my funny, sweet little boy, so I'm happy with my lot.

Like a previous poster I'm in my 60's, CF, and have never regretted my decision. I think some parents imagine if you're CF you have a charmed life, go on endless holidays, do as you like but my life is much quieter than that because that's how I like it.
The one thing I would say about DC, if you have serious doubts then give yourself more time to decide, there are many things in life you can change your mind about but once you have a DC that's a done deal. You can divorce, move house, change jobs and that's all good but if you have a child you can't change your mind after without screwing your child up and that's not fair, if you're not sure Op then don't go there

I've got huge age gaps between mine due to fertility issues.
If id know two out of three of mine would struggle I'd definitely have stuck at one,not for myself but their lives are hard and I'm not going to be here forever 😩

38, no kids. DP and I are happy with how things are. I do wonder if we'll regret it – but we know that it is better to regret not having them than regretting having them.

A few many reasons why:
I always wanted to be with an amazing man, and I waited a long time for him. I think children would really strain our relationship.
I am a bit selfish, very independent and I hate noise or any disruption to my sleep.
My mother hated being a mother and became very isolated and mentally ill. I fear that happening to me.
We would have zero family support, despite living close to them.
We are only just able to afford to buy a house now, and I honestly don't know how we'd afford a kid.
All the stuff we love doing is very kid-unfriendly. (Nothing weird but eg big hikes.)

But most importantly, I think having kids looks difficult today. You can't just let them play out with their pals, like we did. It seems you have to amuse them constantly, every minute must be filled. There also seems to have been a massive increase in SEN and mental health problems.

I think I'd have had a few if I was born a few decades earlier. Life was more affordable then, and I would have expected more family support. I don't hate kids, and admire mothers because I see how hard it is.

Definitely but I wouldn't have been in such a rush!

It's a much nicer experience with more of a stable base and do think that I missed out on some opportunity to set that up before having DS1.

I never wanted kids and now, at nearly 57, I have absolutely no regrets.

Having a child has given me greater joy and fulfillment than I could have imagined but equally it's the hardest thing I've ever done but it's changed me in many ways for the better. Although I do think the myth of having it all was one I stupidly brought into (pre kids - oh the naivety) and I've now realized it's impossible and some things have to slide as you can only do so much with 2 hands, 24 hours and a limited budget with life and everything becoming so much more expensive..

Major worries for me are climate change and the issues the next generation will face, and the economy. Might feel incredibly bleak but it scares me how in the 4 years since having my DD how much life has changed.

Never wanted children but I was in an abusive relationship and was sort of forced to with my first child. Then society made me feel like it's the womanly thing to have more.
I would go back in a heartbeat and have none. I love my kids but it hasn't been worth it. I'm incredibly selfish and really not cut out for parenting. If you ever met me, it really shows.

Late 50s and echo this 100% 🙂

I love DS with every breath I take, but I am trapped in an awful marriage I can't currently afford to leave.

No regrets BUT if I had my time over again, I would wait a few years, establish myself at work and go on a few more good holidays first. Had my eldest at 24 and, whatever anyone says about getting your life and freedom back, it doesn't really happen. They're all grown up now and, whilst I could go on holiday, I don't have the same get up and go (or figure!) as I did in my early twenties! That said, I was so desperately broody and had longed to be a mum forever so...

Maybe it's a case of the grass always being greener!

I am SO glad I had children. It was the making of me. Times were very tough. DS2 had extremely complex SEN needs and was very ill for years but is now fine, with minor physical disabilities and neurodivergence. I honestly think I was quite a vacuous person until I was put through the hell of raising an SEN child alongside a healthy child and had to find hidden resources inside myself of patience and optimism and creativity and resilience.

I slightly regret some of the sacrifices I had to make in order to do this but deep down I know that I have never enjoyed anything as much or got more satisfaction from anything in life - not work, love, travel, friendship - nothing has been as interesting and exhilarating and fueled with love and passion and adventure as raising my sons.

I have 2 DC and having them has been the greatest joy of my life. I had them at 30 and 34, we were trying for our first for 4 years and I'd pretty much given up (I was overweight and too ashamed to see a doctor who I figured would just tell me to lose weight) but then out of the blue it happened. It's not been without issues, both my DC were born with genetic midline defects that required surgery as babies and my youngest had a lot of respiratory issues as a baby resulting in multiple hospital stays and so much anxiety, I lost a load of weight and just as lockdown hit I found myself pregnant unexpectedly. I didn't continue that pregnancy as the world was on fire and I had no idea if I'd even have a job by the time baby arrived, in hindsight I wish I'd had the baby as everything turned out ok but I'm now 40 and feel my baby days are very much behind me. I think it's brought DH and I closer and it forced us to sort out finances out, get on the property ladder and now we're in the process of completing a sale on our current house and moving to our forever home. In hindsight, the timing was spot on.

Young and dumb, I was persuaded by DH to have kids, knew it was a mistake from the moment I went into labour. I do love them, but I regret poor life decisions.

I absolutely love being a mum and I was a lost soul before having them. Being a mum was an enormous driver for me to be the best version of myself and I got a degree, a postgraduate and an amazing career after having them. I wouldn’t have done those things without them and I would probably be dead by now.

I realise that’s a bit unusual and dramatic sounding but it’s also the truth.

I always knew I wanted kids, but 'in the future sometime'. It was a bit of a journey with fertility drugs, ops and miscarriages, but feel blessed to have them. My only concern over having them now is how much my health and quality of life have deteriorated since I got long covid - as a result, their quality of life has also deteriorated hugely.

You never know how things are going to turn out one way or another.

Having children is hard work, lots of repetitive tasks. Kids could be disabled from birth, have accidents, become ill, get bullied. There is lots of potential for heartache. There are difficult stages, new born, toddler, teens. The fear when they start being independent. They cost a lot. There are so many things you can't do because of the kids. There's the mum guilt over working/not working. It is definitely worth considering that the reality is nothing like it's portrayed in films/books. And pick their other parent carefully.

No. Absolutely not. I adore them, but feel the world has changed so much since they were born. I worry so much about them struggling to build their adult lives in the future.

Wouldn’t change anything. Biggest leap of faith I ever made and so happy I did it.

Can’t have kids and in my late 30s, am now content with not having them. I wouldn’t change it. I don’t like noise, lack of sleep, chaos or mess. I also don’t enjoy the company of children, nor do I find them remotely charming or cute.

If I could change something, I’d find myself a partner. Being single is very expensive and I haven’t got any of those lovely DINKY benefits that some have. Haven’t been able to afford a holiday for almost a decade now!

This is really hard because if you say you'd have less it like saying you don't love your youngest.

Aside from that I'd have picked a better husband for my first three, had more (any) holidays before I had children and lived nearer my parents who were fantastic grandparents.

I would have had my first slightly later, then tried for my second sooner. I had three, would have liked more.

If I could have my time again i don't think I'd have had a child .100% about what I've learned about myself ,what I'm like as a parent and in a relationship .
I love my son more than anything or anyone but the worry and knowledge that I've not done the best I could have done ,on an emotional front ,spoil it .

I had one, I chose to only have one, I am happy I made the right choice

Im not sure, I think I would possibly have had less I feel like I’d have coped better with 2 or 3 but have (a lot) more than that (although with both of us with fertility issues although we have a very big family there are big gaps spanning the 30 years weve been together) so I should be grateful for having so many.