Knowing what you know now, would you have still made the same decision about having children?

[Drsparks]

I'm not necessarily asking if you regret it but if you had all the facts, and knew exactly how it would pan out would you have still made the same choice?

Eg
I would of had kids earlier/later.
Or
I chose not to have them because I wanted a childfree life but having lived it, I would have chosen to have kids because it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Or
I love my kids 100% but in hindsight I'd of probably been happier with a childfree life
or
Yes it is 109% the right choice

I had DS (only child) at 23 and would absolutely not change a thing. Sometimes think should I have had more ( now 46 so that ship has sailed) but at the same time can support him as just the one to the best of our ability. Wouldn't change a thing although it is entirely personal

Only 17 months in but I don’t regret it. I was very ambivalent before and it was a bit of a punt. It’s hard, very hard. Thank god for nursery and naps is all I can say. But it’s also joyous. I miss the freedom I had before but I don’t miss the listlessness that came with it.

Thanks @Mumof2NDers I needed to hear teenagers can come out of it and become stable adults. I just hope I don't have a insomniac breakdown in the meantime!

Something that’s really interesting on this thread is that a lot of people who had kids late 30s or 40s are wishing they’d started earlier, where as not to many of those who had kids in their 20s are saying they wished they’d waited. Not having loads of money, a big house or being very senior in your chosen career doesn’t seem to factor as a major issue.

it’s the opposite of the general mumsnet view, which seems to be the older the better having kids and tells us that 38-45 is when you should start a family.

just thought it was interesting.

My three are all adults now, from 19 to 28.
I don’t regret it at all. I started young and I’m really pleased I did. I wish I’d had 4 but probably best to have three, as I’m currently saving hard for their house deposits!

Aww good luck to you. Yes, having kids has tested my marriage more than anything else.

I wouldn't change a thing. I had my first after a period of travelling and living my life how I wanted. I know have three (the number I wanted) and whilst they didn't arrive as planned I wouldn't change it. I have older teens and a young child, am able to go away for weekends etc and enjoy being around my children. I'm enjoying seeing them grow and am excited for their futures

Raising children seems for many to come with a managerialist style agenda now. No longer the organic thing of decades ago. For good and ill, no doubt.

Childfree, not initially through choice but have long since made our peace with it and absolutely wouldn't choose to have children now. Spending time with other people and their children reinforces that choice.

Absolutely. I had my daughter at 38, almost 39 and have no regrets waiting until that age. I thought I wanted more than one child but my husband was unsure about having even one - our compromise was to have 1 and no more. And actually I genuinely would not want another one. I don't want to love anyone else as much as or more than my daughter. She is enough and there are so many reasons not to have another.

I had my first at 19. If you asked me a few years ago I would have said that I wish I “waited” but now she’s a teen, I’ve actually been able to juggle motherhood, work and hobbies alongside her and she is more than I could have imagined. I’m a lone parent with lots of support - I’ve taken her to many places with me. I love revisiting memories with her and today everyone thinks we are sisters. Weirdly if I had to change anything it may have been to work smarter so we were in a better financial position but family is important to me and I don’t want children after 35 but having children was always important to me as I value family.

My second is due and I feel more nervous - I’m in my 30s - as the economy isn’t great and there is a lot going on and I feel that the experience with my first DD had a lot of luck - which you can’t always replicate.

I’ll come back to this question in a few years time but I’ve enjoyed being a young mum overall.

@Mariposistaa I am really glad my story has cheered you!
If I may offer some advice: if you want marriage and children then really focus on these things. By that I mean make sure you are.in a strong place where you are going to attract the type of people you want. Be ruthless. If you go on a few dates and it's not right, move on. If someone says they don't want kids, believe them and move on, don't hope to change anybody.
I am sure you'll get what you heart desires x

I had DCs late, at 39 and 42 and have never regretted it for a minute.

They make everything worth it and I adore them (late teens now).

I actually didn't really enjoy always being able to put myself first, I really much prefer having to be responsible for others instead.

Thanks all, its interesting to hear the considerations re concerns about the future

I think potential parents have worried about the future throughout all of history.

Yes, I always wanted them. I know that I would have been wanting them if I didn't have them. I'm glad that I had them fairly young so that I can see them grow up and enjoy life as an older person. My only, it's hard to say regret, but is that their father is the way he is. I wish that their father was a good man who cared about them and provided for them. Even though he was abusive to me, I wish that he actually gave a shit about the DC.

I have two, who are young adults now and l definately don't regret it. They have taught me so much, it's opened up a whole new world l would never have experienced. They give a meaning and purpose to my life. Of course it hasn't been plain sailing, l am a widow of ten years, l raised them mostly on my own, we have gone through good and bad times together. They are good company and we have a close bond.
My sister didn't have any children she is happy with her choice and l am happy with mine.

I genuinely believe that having my children was the best thing I ever did and that without them my life would have been unfulfilled! I also know people without children who have the best life and so I would say it depends on the person. For me not having children would have made me sad for life, but for others.:.. do what makes you happy xx

I have DDs 15 & 13. I had them at 41 & 42. I was never certain that I wanted DCs but figured if the circumstances were right and I met somebody it felt right with. I met my exH at 38. If I had my time again I would remain childless. No regrets… it’s just such a huge never ending responsibility. ExH walked out of their lives apart from telephone contact more than five years ago. And it’s a shit world! Earthquakes, wars, global warming, paedos … it’s endless. I adore my DDs but I also adored my responsibility free life.

Same here. Just turned 45 and thought I may have some regrets around about now choosing to remain child free but I really don't.

I always used to get told that it was 'worth the sacrifice'... by people who, like you say, live fairly normal lives, with normal jobs, caring for relatives, pets and maybe one foreign holiday a year.

My sacrifices would have been giving up a well paid (and pretty exciting) job, plenty of free time and money, and lots of spontaneous nights out, weekends away and holidays abroad. I would be sacrificing a LOT and realised quite quickly I would hate it. So parenting was a no from me.

100%. Always wanted to be a parent and thought about waiting until I was ready. Then suffered with years of infertility when I was finally ready. After success with fertility treatments I now have two children and wouldn’t change a single thing. It’s bloody hard especially parenting as a FT working parent but it’s so worth it. I am thankful every single day for such miracles in my life!

100% no, if i could do it all over agin I would have found a lovely man who would marry me before having children.
Now we are stuck with a dear beat in a co parenting situation, not many more years to go thank god

Childfree by choice and 52 now, no regrets whatsoever. I am good with kids but never wanted any.

I had this too. But then I realised I just needed better friends. My closest friend has three children and has never once judged/isolated me for not having any.