Knowing what you know now, would you have still made the same decision about having children?

[Drsparks]

I'm not necessarily asking if you regret it but if you had all the facts, and knew exactly how it would pan out would you have still made the same choice?

Eg
I would of had kids earlier/later.
Or
I chose not to have them because I wanted a childfree life but having lived it, I would have chosen to have kids because it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Or
I love my kids 100% but in hindsight I'd of probably been happier with a childfree life
or
Yes it is 109% the right choice

100% I would have them and at the same age.

I had an surprise pregnancy at 19 with exdp 1 and planned pregnancy with exdp2 at 24. My dc’s are now 19 and 24, and one is at university and one completed his degree.

Although my relationships did not work out, I absolutely made the right choice in dads! They were both and still are amazing dads, I honestly believe I’ve been way more lucky then a lot who are married. Two dads who would do anything and everything for their dc without being asked.

I’m now with someone who does not have children and that’s through choice. But he’s another positive role model in my dc’s life. He also has a really good relationship with the dc and their dads.

I still went to university, got my degree and have a career. I was lucky that grandparents were young enough and healthy enough to help with child care.

I have friends now having their first dc, and who are struggling with childcare and children with additional needs. Mine are now independent and I can travel when I want, have spontaneous nights out, go for a meal on a whim. It’s brilliant!

For me being a young parent was the best thing.

I feel we left it too late.. too busy travelling, partying, establishing career (can't regret this bit) but wish we'd started earlier and had 2, if we'd been lucky enough of course. Fell pregnant with DS 'first go' when I was 38 so very fortunate. He didn't sleep for years. I feel ready now but I'm 46 and just increased HRT dose. DS still sometimes ask for sibling and it breaks my heart.

I always knew I wanted children.I am a midwife and wanted my first baby at 25!Thought it was the perfect age.I met my husband when I was 23 but didn’t have my first baby until I was 30.I had 3 and would have liked more,it was a joint decision not to.

My husband died suddenly when my children were teenagers,so I am pleased I didn’t have more than 3.

I would never have been happy child free.

Yes I would definitely still have children but if I could do it again I would have more than 1.

If i could still have the same kids, I'd have them a little earlier, waiting til mid 30s you just increase risks of miscarriages etc.

All the people i knew who had kids in 20s got their body & fitness back more easily. You're fighting that battle on more fronts by late 30s.

But i love love love having my kids, easily the best thing in my life

I had one and was desperate for a 2nd but it wasn't meant to be - but actually now, just having one works really well for me so l woukdn't have spent so much energy trying to have a second

It now seems WILD to me that we could wake up on a weekend, drink coffee in bed and lounge around all day reading our books and watching telly if we wanted.

@Islandermummy Hang in there, those times will come again. That’s exactly what we’ve been doing this morning with teenagers (we’re in the US). Got up at 10, been reading and generally slouching about. DD drove herself home from her friend’s about 10:30, DS appeared about 11.

I was 29 and a few days short of 34 when our two came home, they’re only eight and two, so of course we have no idea what the teenage years will be like. We’re very lucky that we get to be their parents, I’m also very lucky that I get to share the experience with my husband, he’s a fab Papa to our two. I wouldn’t have changed anything, I struggle with how much of our sons life we missed, and I feel guilty that we experienced our daughters babyhood, so she will have pictures, she’ll know what her first word was etc while our son will never have any of those things. But I still wouldn’t change anything as that would mean our children wouldn’t be ours.

Its really hard, you’re knackered, when you get home from work really you’re getting home to start your second job, so it is a big sacrifice as for a while you say goodbye to being a lazy slob when you’ve had a crap day, or having an impromptu night out after work etc. If you want children then thats fine and you don’t mind, if you didn’t want them I imagine that could potentially lead to quite a bit of resentment.

I might have started a very little earlier so I could have sneaked a 3rd one in.

Nope 41 and child free by choice. didn't want them and then god decided my body wasn't able to have them and after years of severe endometriosis had an op that means can't have them. hysterectomy next. husband also doesn't want them either. we are both very successful in our jobs and after surviving a very very harsh recession we are finally in a nice financial position. we do have pets and yes they are tying but its not the same as children. they literally rule your life as I have seen. you can leave dogs for an hour while you pop to the shops or get your hair done or a quick drink in the pub. you can't do that with children you need a babysitter. we have travelled a bit. we can sleep in at the weekend. currently sitting here eating the leftovers (still ) from Xmas on the sofa in front of telly and fire not a care in the world , mentally preparing ourselves for back to work tomorrow. we have nieces and nepehews on both sides of the family. we take them out treat them and also babysit them no problems. but so nice to give them back and enjoy the peace and quite of our own home

I would absolutely have DC if I had to choose again. They are my life's work. They really have given me meaning and I wouldn't swap the experience of giving birth for anything (did it 3 times and each was different).

I had my one and only much younger than I would've planned, mid 20s. However, the upsides are that I have lots of energy for my parenting and that when they're 18 ill be in my early 40s. Young enough to go back to the travelling amd spontaneous lifestyle of my youth. If any grandchildren appear, I'll also be young enough to help out, rather than burdening my adult child with the sandwich of young children and elderly parent.

Oh! And I'd do it all again in exactly the same way. It's had unexpected benefits.

Having a child now with no support except my partner has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
my child doesn’t sleep well at all and yes I’ve read the internet, done all the tips. It’s just my DC. They are a live wire- hit all their milestones early, very engaging but it’s tough.

you need wealth or loads of family support. But like actual support eg they come and clean for you. If you are breastfeeding you are on call 24/7 for feeds every 2-3 hrs day to night. Maybe a 4-6 hr stretch at night less if they don’t sleep. I had no idea.

if you are on the fence don’t do it. It’s gruelling physically and mentally. You love them so much you want to protect them and do the best for them, but you have no idea what you are doing so worry.
you want your space but you miss them.
all of your relationships change. People you were close to will become distant but others will step up. That’s really hard.
You are never truly free again.
Any issues you had in your relationship come home to roost. If they are disorganised you will always cover eg leave them to pack the bag for DC and they forget something then your DC suffers. So you never leave DP to learn the hard way as you want to protect DC.

all this whilst potentially recovering from your birth physically and having less money than ever due to mat pay. Oh and doing in on minimal sleep and having to debate if you want to leave them to cry it out.

people don’t talk about this at all. When you are open about it you receive judgement from women who assume you should find it easier. So it just depends if your need to continue your genes outweighs all this?

Thank you @HamBone!

I don't want to wish the time away but I would quite a totally lazy day occasionally

On the other hand there's never a dull moment...

Would of had 4 and started at 30. I have 2 and started at 37, which in hindsight I feel was really too late for me.

I would have had them earlier and maybe had one more. I absolutely love my DC but I am conscious of getting older and wish so much I would be around to see more of their lives! And if they choose to have children later I will be a very old grandmother.

If I had my time again I would not marry or have children and I would live alone and not bother with anyone.

I'm not someone who should be with people.

Would do exactly the same. One and done and we have a lovely life. It gets so much easier as they grow.

Childfree by choice. I am 70 now and have never ever regretted our choice, not even for a second. In fact me and DH are now even more convinced we made the right decision when we look at the state of the world plus all the problems our friends have with their children, grandchildren and even great grandchildren.

I also think we would not have such a happy, strong and loving marriage (44 years) with children. Very few of our friends with children have happy marriages, even the ones on 2nd or even 3rd marriages. Our childfree friends, on the other hand, all seem to have happy marriages and they are all on their 1st marriage and all been married at least 30 years

Definitely still had them. Might have waited a couple of years before having them if I did it again. Loved being a young (ish) mum, but things would have been easier with a couple of years of savings (dd arrived straight after uni) and it would have been easier to get a job once they'd grown up.
It would have been nice having some of my friends at a similar stage to me, but I wouldn't have wanted to wait so long; I was looking at secondary schools for my last at a time a lot of my uni/school friends were looking at primary for their first.

Hmmm...interesting question. I only have one child, whose father was very much a bad and very compromised decision/choice on my part (abusive, neglectful, mean, just wrong in every way) who died (cancer) when DC was very young - still a toddler. I was then lucky enough to meet DH, who adopted DC after we married, and we've had an absolutely wonderful life.

So, yes, had I known EXACTLY how it would pan out, I would make the same decision again, despite the difficult years. But if I could go back and counsel my younger self, I would tell her to run, run like the wind! But then, I would not have had the lovely family I have today. Some shit, it seems, is worth eating. But I know that fate dealt me a very specific hand, and I couldn't really advise my course of action to anyone else.

DH and I did discuss another child when we married, but rapidly realised that we were happy as a three - it wasn't more work/expense/worry than we could manage, we could provide very well for one child with plenty to go around.

But even if I had been a single parent, and hadn't met DH, my life as a parent was much richer and happier, had purpose and pleasure that it hadn't before. I am glad I didn't have to contend with divorcing and co-parenting with a very difficult person though. I can't imagine that would have been easy.

I would have had them earlier and more if I could.

Yes - it's been hard at times (became a single parent when my youngest was 2yo) but I now have four children pretty much grown and the hard work has been worth it. Very happy and proud of the adults my children have grown into. My youngest is 14, not long and she will be independent too. I'm approaching 50 but I'm now able to make plans for the next stage of my life.

I should have chosen a better dad to have children with and I am somewhat concerned with the way the world is going, but my young adult children bring me so much joy that I don’t regret having them at all.