Dh gets annoyed when Dd asks him to play

[Newyearnewmerubbish]

Dd, 5 literally has to beg him, he gets grumpy and says ‘I’m sitting down’ then looks me up and down. He eventually gives in and storms around, makes me so sad for Dd.
Yesterday, she had friends over then I did baking with her and arranged and tidied and cooked from a small party. The day before, I took her food shopping and took her to the playground ( he asked if he needed to come)
Now he’s looking at me as if I should be playing with her as though I should be doing it, hate the way he begrudges it so much. He’s the same about bedtimes (we alternate Dds) and will ask in front of her if he has to do tonight’s or will I stop etc
He says he’s off work and should be relaxing, is it so hard to play with your child, everything is always no or I’m sitting down now.

Have a read of this.
https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/03/parent-child-pretend-play-expectations.html?via=rss_socialflow_facebook&fbclid=IwAR0WFBBpZ5ROzX7GtuZD52zN6K39DnuDD-839aPw2_GKGmRxzoMuAABXWgQ

Does the article also address a child begging a man for attention, the man not doing basic parenting (bedtime taking out) or basic household tasks, like OPs shit excuse for a bloke?

Yes but her dh doesn’t want to do parenting stuff either like bedtimes and story time.

YANBU but from a practical way of how to help the situation maybe he doesn't feel like he ever gets a break. Could he have some ringfenced time after work to reset? Like come home, go straight to the bedroom, have half an hour of quiet to himself and then takes over to play with DD. I saw this work on supernanny when the dad had quite a stressful job and came home grumpy/irritable every day. He just needed a bit of time to transition from working day to home. You should also get ringfenced time to yourself whether that be at some point in the evening or on weekends or alternative days.

@DidiAskYouThough Not sure what to say, feel a bit bloody embarrassed tbh.

It's not you that should be embarrassed

It should only if you continue to inflict this man on your kid full time, and don’t read up on the damage it’ll do to her-fawning to a man, begging a man for attention, thinking such a shit bloke is normal, aspirational. She’s already been taught this, and that a man who openly doesn’t like her is ‘adoration’.

She’ll be pandering to some waster of her own in the future, acting as house maid and lone parent, just to keep a man, unless she’s shown and taught better.

It's not you that should feel embarrassed OP, he should feel disgusted with himself though (but he wont). Honestly I expect he does talk the talk about adoring her and probably joins in for the 'fun' stuff, but he should be doing some bed times at least and playing/interacting with her for her sake but also for yours! You need time to unwind and relax and you should be able to knowing she's begging her dad for some sort of interaction and not getting it.

(My very badly worded post meant ‘it should be you who is embarrassed only if you————-‘)

Sorry @Newyearnewmerubbish, but it doesn't sound like your husband does adore your daughter. He is setting up the situation where she'll ask him less and less and will emotionally move away from him. More fool him. 🌹

I didn't say it isn't about playing with them. I said it isn't JUST about playing with them. It's all important.

He's not being a good dad, sorry.
On the days my DH was really tired and DD was that age and wanted to play, he would still sit on the floor and play games with her. Or he'd sit and let her give him a 'make over' and he'd have a head full of butterfly clips and a face full of badly done make up, but she was happy. Playing doesn't always have to mean running round! There are a million different, low energy ways to engage with kids. There's no excuse to never play.

It’s not just about playing, it’s obvious this man is shit in a variety of ways that will damage his kid. OP didn’t bother with the thread though, so it’s pointless.

He adores her, I know he does but I hate when he’s like that

He doesn’t though, don’t fool yourself. No man who loves his dd would storm around after she asks him to play.

Does he have any good points? Sounds like he does fuck all?

Lazy sod. In a few years time when she is grown up he could regret that.