Dh gets annoyed when Dd asks him to play

[Newyearnewmerubbish]

Dd, 5 literally has to beg him, he gets grumpy and says ‘I’m sitting down’ then looks me up and down. He eventually gives in and storms around, makes me so sad for Dd.
Yesterday, she had friends over then I did baking with her and arranged and tidied and cooked from a small party. The day before, I took her food shopping and took her to the playground ( he asked if he needed to come)
Now he’s looking at me as if I should be playing with her as though I should be doing it, hate the way he begrudges it so much. He’s the same about bedtimes (we alternate Dds) and will ask in front of her if he has to do tonight’s or will I stop etc
He says he’s off work and should be relaxing, is it so hard to play with your child, everything is always no or I’m sitting down now.

@ManateeFair did you read OPs posts?

The man also doesn’t want to put his kid to bed, take her out, or do any tasks that a normal, functioning adult does in the house. He’s a burden, a shit example to his kid and is actively damaging her by getting her to beg for his attention.

With bells on. 👆🏻

It isn't just about playing with them. It's about being present. Listening. Not displaying annoyance when they ask you to engage with them. Sitting down and doing drawing with them, teaching them to bake a cook, teaching them life skills, showing them how to ride a bike, reading to them and helping them to read. Clearly the OP's partner wants to just exist alongside his child and that's not how it works. Also to previous poster, just because someone chatted on BBC radio for half an hour doesn't mean they're right. There's always a counter argument. The truth is often somewhere in between the two.

Why would you stay with him? He is literally teaching her at 5 that she has to beg men for affection, love and attention. And you’re allowing/enabling that. FYI he doesn’t adore he, he gives not one single shit about her needs and wants unless they align with his.

NGL, I fucking hate playing with the kids and avoid it if I can. Board games, craft, baking are all good, happy to do it. Playing Iron Man in a battle with Spiderman makes me want to kill myself.

Why do posters waste our time playing “too cool for parenting?” Who cares if you didn’t like candyland or barbies—you still have to show up for the children you brought into the world. However your family chose to do it is fine but imitating upper class indifference, assigning all the work to the woman, etc…is just letting this atrocious father off the hook.

He’s a twat just wondering what your financial set up is op, are you reliant on him?

My ex is like this with our 3 year old, if he has to he'll play energetically for ten minutes but then views that as him done for the day. He also used to do this thing where he would play with her whilst I was busy around the house but the minute I came back in the room he would promptly disappear to have a vape/do something he wanted to do, as if he was just minding her for me. He puts the TV on for her a lot then sits on his phone, and he won't ever play on the floor with her, he parks himself on the sofa then waits for her to bring stuff to him to do, then he'll decide if he wants to do it or not. I find it really sad.

What a shit dad.

Your post upset me thinking of your poor little 5 year old having such a shit dad. Get him out of her home now! Bloody hell!

I have bitten the bullet and even when I really didn’t feel like it done the playing thing with both my kids but I did really hate it. No matter what I did it was never right and it was boring and exhausting. It really is crap and I have said more than once to my partner that I am a parent, not a fecking children’s entertainer.

now I always divert them by saying “I can’t just now but can you help me with” whatever job it is I have to do and if the fancy doing it they join in and if not the will amazingly find something else to do.

I did it for years but enough now.

This.

Sounds like he adores the idea of having a daughter, but in reality that doesn't even come close to what he feels about her.

He probably wants the wife and 2.4 children for appearences, but won't put in the time effort it takes to have this.

What an incredibly poor father, very sad.

As someone said, he doesn't need to "play", just get the child involved in what he's doing. Cooking, fixing things, running an errand. I love roleplay, art etc but my husband doesn't however he'd get the kids on the bikes and go get bread, drop off parcels, whatever.
My other advice is to build community in your neighborhood and find more children to play with on regular but casual basis. Ie no formal playdates just children popping in for 30 minutes or an hour or whatever

Spending time with kids doesn't have to be "playing" with them (which is boring when they are v young).

My DH didn't really "play" with the kids when they were really young but he was really good at letting them "help" with whatever job he was doing whether it was folding the washing, reading the electricity meter, sanding a piece of wood, weeding the garden, washing the car, cleaning the windows etc. They absolutely LOVED doing those things with him. I was utterly hopeless at that, too impatient and controlling so I stuck to reading, parks and games of snap!

Your DH does need to re-frame things in his mind if he wants to build a relationship with his DD so you are not being unreasonable and this must be really hard work for you.

But what you are talking about is engaging with them only on your terms and not their's. It isn't a lot better than the ops dh

This was EXACTLY my thought.

Relaxing isn't really a thing when you have kids.

He's doing a bad job at parenting and being a husband.

No, it's finding a compromise of doing an activity that you both enjoy.

You don't have to be a martyr to your child and it's fine to be busy sometimes, or tired, or say you're just going to finish your tea first. It's fine to say you don't like playing barbies but you'll read a story or play a game or take them along to the shops (or something else the child enjoys).
If you just refuse to engage, or only offer alternatives that the child dislikes ("I won't play barbies but you can watch the cricket with me if you're quiet") then that's pretty shit.

Way to justify being a terrible parent.

No @WonderLife. Youre a selfish parent.

I think you're missing the point. Often when young children ask you to play eoth them, they're looking for connection.

Can't believe you've described someone as a selfish parent because they don't want to play Barbies .

Absolutely nuts. Can you not read?

Oh well, @Newyearnewmerubbish never bothered replying to the thread.