I can’t believe I’m looking forward to leaving Australia

[Skye909]

I moved to Queensland last year - well, I got a year long working holiday visa as a trial. I am living with a friend and I am working on a farm and my time is up in March.

I feel so guilty because I built it up as a time of a lifetime, I thought I’d end up staying and so many people would kill to be in my position. Plus there’s so much doom and gloom in the UK.

And yet… I’m looking forward to going home in March. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed it and had some amazing trips.

But there’s so much about home I miss. Being able to walk to places, the fast delivery of things (Amazon prime!), my friends and family, the food, even the tap water - just familiarity I guess.
All the bugs get me down, I’ve also noticed culture is different here. I tried a new hobby and the boys in particular weren’t very welcoming (apparently it’s just how they are).

I just thought a girl of my age (24) should have absolutely loved it. Become a beach girl, and do lots of adventures. I absolutely LONGED for this lifestyle at home and now the novelty has worn off. I burn quickly, it’s too hot, I have too much sand all over me etc.

Maybe I’m just not cut out to be happy? Maybe I’m too negative? I don’t know. I just feel so so so so so bad for not enjoying it. Plus I know so many other girls who moved out here who appear to be having the time of their lives and love it.

Am I entitled or silly?

Problem is you live on a farm. Go live in a city and then see what it's like.

See this experience as a 'reset' for you to enjoy the UK with a fresh pair of eyes

Sunshine Coast is bland. And yes, the bugs are awful!!

Why not try Melbourne before you head home? Most multi cultural city in Australia imo.

Come on. The UK is obviously not perfect and definitely has lots of racist dicks about but Australia is on another level, especially outside of the main cities. I have several friends who live there and the stories they tell me are shocking. Particularly of attitudes towards Aboriginal people. My British Asian friend moved back here after a couple of years because of the open racism they received.
And as for the seasons. I mean the UK seasons, everywhere has seasons but I love the ones here. Less and less to be fair as we don't get the clear defined seasons of my childhood.

A close friend of mine with an English mother and Canadian father grew up in the rainforest in Queensland. Nearest big city is Brisbane. She spent a lot of her time growing up doing sports and acid and parties there but left to work in Japan and see the world. She now lives in Switzerland.

Another friend of mine from England who’s used to travelling round the world went to Sydney stayed in a hostel and lasted a month before leaving Australia as she “couldn’t stand the accent”.

I’d go to another city and get a job as farm work would bore me stupid too. Have fun with people your own age.

Shocking, woman on a forum for women is a feminist, stop the presses.

Does your husband call himself a boy?

As others have said a city in Australia would probably tick more of the boxes vs a remote farm, I can’t walk places or get fast deliveries where I am in the uk as it’s a remote area.

But I also think it’s hard to properly fit in with a place when it feels like a holiday as it’s only for a year, I’ve had the same in the past and when I thought I was going to live in that country for a long long time I found I opened myself up to friends etc more than when I just did a year abroad. If you want to try again whether in Australia or a different country defs try and get into a busy city with a lot more happening and different people/hobby opportunities

Perhaps this trip will now help you enjoy the UK more :)

Home is where the heart is, I guess 🤷‍♀️

You're not silly. You've been brave and tried it and now you want to come home. Well done, you should be proud of yourself!

I voted YABU, only because you’re being unreasonable to be so down on yourself about this.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not loving every second of your trip. But it does sound like you have quite a lot of unhelpful thought patterns, which are contributing to your negative feelings.

life is never what we imagined, there’s no perfect, magical, happy ever after. We’re human. We have ever changing emotions. But one of the biggest things that will bring us down is comparing ourselves to the perceived reality of others, and self shaming.

You’ve gone to live for a year on the other side of the world! I’m sure you’ve had some amazing experiences! See if you can focus on the positives of your trip (not in a toxic positivity way, but just by acknowledging them). You can appreciate all the experiences you’ve had, good and bad, and still be excited about coming home to your friends, family and life you know.

As an aside, If you are worrying about being “too negative/never being happy”, I would really recommend looking up work by people like Brene Brown, Kristen Neff, Tara Brach, Glennon Doyle, Nicole Sachs, Nicole Le Pera… there is a wealth of knowledge out there to help you look inwards and approach life with more radical acceptance, self compassion and lack of self shame ❤️

Not silly at all. It's normal to miss home. It shows you have a good life back home. Well done for trying.

I've lived abroad a lot, from parts of America to South East Asia, and can safely say that travel narrows the mind.

Unless you've be raised in a culture the subtleties are hard to grasp, and my years abroad did a lot to raise the appeal of the UK.

I went in my twenties with a view to emigrate. As lovely as some parts are it just wasn’t for me. I loved returning to gloomy, wet England. I was really surprised I didn’t fall in love with it as I thought that would be a given but I didn’t.

If you contemplate the exact things you don't like about it, you will grow to understand yourself and what you value most. This will be helpful for making future decisions. And you don't have to run your likes and dislikes past other people - they are yours.

I went to Australia at about your age. I had a great time but was happy to get home.

as you have described the lifestyle was lovely - outdoor pools, gorgeous beaches, vast landscapes - but it just didn’t suit me.

I found it quite old fashioned and sexist. I was shocked by the level of racism in some places.

it was far too hot for me in the summer, the distances between places was too great. I missed the cosy feeling of home. I would have need d to live in Sydney for the type of career I wanted and the cost of living was unbelievable. I also struggled to find a sense of community - all in all it felt like it would be a lonely life for me.

years later I don’t regret the decision

It’s not you it’s the place!!
I‘ve lived in several countries and some I’ve loved others not so much. Also it’s possible to be homesick even in the best of scenarios!
Try somewhere else! The world is a big place.

I am the opposite, I couldn’t ever live in the UK again, the thought of it would make me cry.
We are all different!

I’ve never lived/worked abroad, but I have had some amazing holidays in luxury locations and resorts. Being waited on hand & foot, fantastic food and adventures.
Still love going home !

You are being a bit silly letting this upset you. You gave it good try, you didn't like it, what's to worry about? Nowhere's perfect, not even Australia!

It seems like you feel like you have failed in some way, you haven't, you have just learned a few things about what is important to you and what makes you happy. Use that knowledge to choose a more suitable place to go to next.

Many adult men refer to themselves and their friends as ‘the boys’ or ‘the lads’. Ive never heard any man say he is off out with the men.

p.s. This is a woman asking for advice. Dont ignore her.

But you don’t know you like stuff till you have tried it.

You tried it and realised it’s not a lifestyle/ culture you want. That’s perfectly fine.

You seem to have decided that ‘ not wanting to live in Australia’ is a personality defect. It’s not. It’s just not wanting to live in Australia.

Where do you live now? Although I was very happy to return back to the UK from Australia I have lived for a while in a European country which I loved.

No, you’re just finding out about yourself and what you like and don’t like. It’s a good thing, and experiences like this will stand you in good stead for building the right life for yourself - reframe it as a success, not a failure

@Skye909 Sorry you’re having a rough time here. Christmas and NY are a very hard time to be away from home. I’m originally from Melbourne but have lived all around the world. I agree that QLD has a very different social style. Very cliquey, like they’re not hiring new friends. I agree too that men here are a lot more sexist than I can tolerate. I’m working on heading back down south by the end of this year.