To be a bit miffed at receiving alcoholic gifts for Christmas when pregnant?

[whomoon]

We announced to our family I was pregnant a few weeks ago, mentioning that would mean I can’t drink alcohol and enjoy some of the usual
Christmas goodies I’d usually have.

I remember specifically saying to my dad ‘that means I can’t have alcohol in the hamper you put together for us’ because in my mind, why gift alcohol to a pregnant woman who can’t drink? I am hoping to breast feed so won’t be able to drink for a while afterwards either.

Then on Christmas Day, I had a bottle of Prosecco from each my dad and my DH’s aunt, who also knows I’m pregnant.

prosecco is best drunk within a year. I’m a bit miffed that I can’t enjoy my present, and my DH doesn’t drink Prosecco. I also don’t ‘host’ much and wouldn’t offer to guests. So I will have to regift.

Am I unreasonable to be a bit miffed of receiving a gift I can’t enjoy? The Prosecco from my DH aunt was bottled in 2022 so I expect she just gifted from her wine cellar, so I’ve got even less time to drink that.

Miffed is the strongest I feel about this btw, I’m mostly curious what others think on this being a gift to give to a pregnant woman?

No need to cringe in my view - I'd have loved that.

In the Portland they give you a bottle of champagne as a gift when you are discharged. There is also wine available to order with meals.

I cracked open a bottle of champers on arrival back at home with my newborn (although I don't dispute that OP can choose to take a different approach!).

@Islandermummy that sounds lovely! Hope you enjoyed it!

My friend seemed horrified so I was taken aback and wondering what I'd done wrong

Maybe stock up on an appealing gift for them next time, like some udder balm.

I don't think either I nor the OP is suggesting that people make a song and dance. It’s not hard to be a bit thoughtful is it rather than just lob plonk at someone that can’t drink it, or send yet another tub of stretch mark cream. Especially when the gift givers are people close to you. You sound very miserable- I’m sure if your daughter was pregnant you wouldn’t be telling them to stop making a big deal about being pregnant (which the OP isn’t!)

YANBU in my opinion, I'd be a bit annoyed too. It just seems a little thoughtless to give someone a gift they can't use.

There's a chance they didn't know you were pregnant when they bought and wrapped it though to be fair. (I usually aim to have my gifts wrapped and ready to give out by Dec.) But I personally would have made the effort to swap the gift out for something more suitable upon hearing the news.

Congratulations by the way!

I may be in a minority but I think this is a completely thoughtless can't-be-bothered present for a pregnant woman and just tells you they don't really care much about you and what you say.

I find it a bit odd to tell them to take it out of the hamper.

If it was already done, why take it out? Pee re grant women shouldn’t drink. But they can handle a bottle of alcohol.

You just don’t drink it.

They weren't your only gifts but were part of bigger gifts. So it's not even like they just grabbed whatever was closest....

A lot of us subscribe to the assumption that it's a sliding scale, with any alcohol potentially affecting the baby. There's no way of knowing if the childs IQ went down a single point or they struggle slightly more with spatial awareness in their teens from a glass or two of wine - so don't try encouraging pregnant or breastfeeding mothers to touch alcohol just because you feel blaze about it

Oh that's a shame. Obviously your heart was in the right place. Maybe her DH drank it...

Hopefully you can all laugh about it now !

A bit precious? Utterly ridiculous, I would say

Lol SAME. I’d have loved someone to turn up with champagne!

Prosecco is always crap so can’t imagine after 12 months would make much difference OP!

Why? She’d already had the baby. It is perfectly fine to have a drink at that point.

@ttcat37 oh no, someone on the internet thinks I sound miserable because I pointed out nobody cares about their 'little family'. It actually can be quite hard to buy thoughtful gifts, in a time where everyone generally just buys themselves whatever they want anyway. Also this was just one of many gifts according to OP. Honestly, just stick it in the cupboard or regift and move on. Take it to someone's house for NYE/NYD. Whatever

Every year my DB and SIL buy me alcohol and earrings. I don't drink or have pierced ears 🤷. It's just thoughtless. I used to buy them nice gifts now I just give alcohol (they do actually drink).

Is it hard to buy a thoughtful gift for a close family member or best friend though? Or are you another who can’t be arsed and then complains when DH buys you something shit?

To be fair, I think it can actually be really hard to buy for a pregnant woman. I’m 6 months pregnant and so many people have said I’ve been a nightmare to buy for this year for christmas😂

It’s hard to know what someone will want or appreciate, as you can see even just from this thread some people when pregnant would love a bottle of prosecco as a gift to enjoy once baby is born (like me) whereas others would hate that (like OP), someone else has commented above that they hated getting gifted tummy creams etc when pregnant whereas one of my favourite gifts this year was a little “baby mama” bump sheet mask set. My MIL got me a bottle of 0% gin for Christmas and a lovely gin glass, it was a lovely idea and very thoughtful because she got the 0% version of the gin i usually drink, but I don’t like it🤣 Someone else got me a lovely and very thoughtful hamper of bath bombs etc and usually this would be my perfect gift, I love bath bombs… but my skin has been so sensitive since being pregnant that I can’t use bath bombs 😂 obviously I don’t go around winging about that to everybody so they could never have known.

The point is, you can be as thoughtful as you want but actually you can still easily get it wrong, especially during pregnancy because really apart from my husband, I don’t update every member of my family/friends with every new symptom, craving, issue etc. I appreciate every gift still and they will all get used or passed on at some point, even if that’s after I’ve given birth. It’s not worth getting worked up about, I just say thank you and move on

I gave up alcohol completely almost 5 years ago and despite being vocal about it, I still got alcohol as gifts for at least 2/3 years after. I regifted it all as we don't host much.

@Mrsttcno1 fair enough but I do feel like my previous identity as an adult with hobbies and interests seems to have been forgotten about and you just get seen as a vessel. It’s hard enough to try and maintain your identity as a person when you feel like a blob and people only ever ask about the pregnancy and baby.

I think it’s okay in a joint hamper as it’s for both of you, though would have been more thoughtful to select something special just for you to enjoy now.

That said, it’s perfectly fine to drink alcohol while breastfeeding, as long as you don’t get so drunk that you tumble over with your baby.

I’m sober now (don’t drink because I’m an alcoholic) and Dh and I still get gifts of alcohol. 🙄 Most people have gotten the message now, but it does annoy me when BIL shows up with a case of beer for ‘both of you’ (at least this year I got a few cans of AF beer re-gifted because someone else accidentally brought it to a party thinking it had alcohol in it, which BIL found in the back of the fridge so chucked it in for me). 😂

I do know what you mean @ttcat37 but that is a separate issue to gifts and this post I would say? If you only have people in your life who ask about your pregnancy or baby and not you, then maybe you need to find some new people to spend your time with?

I don’t think anybody (in my case) has forgotten that I’m an independent person with my own interests, but actually the reality is a lot changes when you are pregnant and so even when family/friends try really hard to gift me something fabulous they can accidentally get it wrong! My main hobby pre-pregnancy was running, but if they had all bought me sports bras, leggings, running gels and trainers for Christmas (as they have in previous years which I LOVE) I’d be complaining that I don’t fit into any of it and can no longer really run (until baby is born) so what’s the point. Equally when they have bought me bath bombs, that’s them thinking of my interests pre-pregnancy because they are right I LOVE a bath bomb and smelly’s usually, it’s just that now during pregnancy for some reason my skin is very sensitive and reacts so I can’t use them right now.

You are still a person with your own hobbies and interests during pregnancy of course, I know I am, but the reality is pregnancy has massively impacted how many/the extent to which I can currently participate in lots of those things for now, which means gifts that have been perfect for me for 5 years just simply weren’t this year, and that’s okay! I’m grateful for their thought and once I’ve given birth I’ll have plenty of prosecco, bath bombs etc!

I hope you’re doing okay x

@Mrsttcno1 can’t really get a new family, friends or colleagues! I think it’s ingrained in people when you become pregnant, especially in the final trimester. It’s universal.

You'd be depressed?!

That would be an odd and over the top reaction

Congratulations on your baby news! I'm afraid you will have so much unsolicited advice coming your way in the next few months that you will be well and truly ready for that Prosecco once your baby is here.

Cheers

You haven't even had the baby yet, you don't know how you will feel.in a few months time.

Prosseco is fine for a few years, just pop it in the cupboard. Or you can open it and toast the baby when it arrives and you have visitors. Its not a big deal.