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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nomination braclet

123 replies

Raoim · 30/12/2023 10:44

my mum gifted me a nomination braclet for xmas with two charms/links.I have no interest in any sort of jewellery that needs building over time and find it a bit of a con.I don't like the look of it with just the two charms but really do not want to spend any money on making it 'wearable '.
My mum keeps saying how lovely it is and asking when i will wear it, it's still in the bag on the sideboard.I told my mum last night that it wasn't really something that I would buy myself and that it needs a load of money spent on it.
My mum then called me ungrateful and said she bought as I don't ever buy anything nice for myself,she couldn't seem to understand that I will either need to wait to be gifted charms over a period of time before I would want to wear it or spend approx £200 myself to get it to a point I would be happy to wear it.
My mum is now not speaking to me.

OP posts:
HardcoreLadyType · 30/12/2023 14:58

It’s not bratty to not want to wear something you don’t really like.

The best thing would have been to say it’s not really to your taste, and ask if you could return it and get a different piece of jewellery) that you will wear often, and will think of her when you put it on.

Talking about the cost of having to add charms has muddied the waters, and made you seem grabby.

Perhaps write a card to your mum, explaining how you feel, and apologising for handling the situation badly?

Brefugee · 30/12/2023 15:01

ZiriForGood · 30/12/2023 10:50

YANBU.

It is a con, and if you would wear it, you are just making people to spend more money on it.

why is it a "con"? it's a business. My mum got me one yonks ago, and i often get a "charm" piece to put in it for birthday or christmas. I've also had "mother's day ones" etc. Now it's full and i took over one of my DDs because she doesn't wear them.

But if it's not really your thing, then say that. The polite thing when someone gives you a gift is to say "thank you"

bettynutkins · 30/12/2023 15:17

tadpolelove · 30/12/2023 11:41

You do sound ungrateful. I love mine and so do my 3 daughters. All the women in my family have them too, makes birthdays and Xmas so much easier. You can pick the charms up cheap on vinted

Same here! We all have them in our family. We all absolutely love them.

1offnamechange · 30/12/2023 15:18

AlbatrosStrike · 30/12/2023 12:08

You were incredibly rude to your mum. And the way you framed it to her didn’t make it better. It just sounded like you were expecting more charms.

To all the Hyacinths saying you were right to react as you did - read up on gift receiving etiquette.

what? surely the whole point of 'hyacinth' is prioritising (what she considers to "good" manners) over being honest/straight forward, thus it would be the posters pretending to like something they hated that would be 'hyacinths?'

Also the whole hyacinth character is a skew on middle class valuing "branded" things as indicators of superiority/poshness whereas the actual upper class wouldn't be seen dead in them i.e. nominations bracelet over actual gold/silver jewellery.

Plus gift giving etiquette is to buy something you think the recipient will like, not something you think they should like, definitely not nagging them for not wearing it as much as you think they should, and 100% not sulking about it, so if anyone is being unmannerly it's OP's mum!

AlbatrosStrike · 30/12/2023 15:55

@1offnamechange

Also the whole hyacinth character is a skew on middle class valuing "branded" things as indicators of superiority/poshness whereas the actual upper class wouldn't be seen dead in them i.e. nominations bracelet over actual gold/silver jewellery.

My take was that someone like that wouldn’t wear this as it’s not posh/branded/valuable enough and make this loudly known. Whereas a polite person might not love it, but they would surely thank the gift giver graciously and move on.

When asked about it they would say they forgot to put it on/ didn’t go with outfit/ saving it for special occasions etc. If it was a well intended gift, there’s no need to make the gift giver feel bad.

Shinyandnew1 · 30/12/2023 16:06

AlbatrosStrike · 30/12/2023 15:55

@1offnamechange

Also the whole hyacinth character is a skew on middle class valuing "branded" things as indicators of superiority/poshness whereas the actual upper class wouldn't be seen dead in them i.e. nominations bracelet over actual gold/silver jewellery.

My take was that someone like that wouldn’t wear this as it’s not posh/branded/valuable enough and make this loudly known. Whereas a polite person might not love it, but they would surely thank the gift giver graciously and move on.

When asked about it they would say they forgot to put it on/ didn’t go with outfit/ saving it for special occasions etc. If it was a well intended gift, there’s no need to make the gift giver feel bad.

What about if the giver then took it upon themselves to buy a charm for it as their gift for every birthday and Christmas present going forwards?

Gifts should be something the person would like, not what you’ve decided they must like.

DataPestle · 30/12/2023 16:28

You haven’t done anything wrong, OP. I’ve had similar in the past with my mother buying me a big(-ish) ticket item that I would never, ever use (for both taste and practicality reasons). That was a big enough deal for her, and I didn’t have to also handle the idea that she’d buy me additions to the thing I already didn’t like for every birthday and Christmas for the next X years.

There’s no point all of us arguing over whether or not these are nice/tasteful/classic/a con (I think they’re a fantastic bit of marketing - why buy one bracelet once when you can buy a base where every special occasion warrants you or your loved ones buying more extensions from the original company? Genius!) because we all have different tastes and priorities. Sub in whatever larger item you’d be expected to use daily and then tell the OP she just should do it and silently feel discomfort.

Maybe let your mum calm down a bit OP, then use some of the helpful advice here? Good luck, either way. Being held hostage by the giver’s emotions is not fun.

Original poster
Raoim · 30/12/2023 16:29

I've seen my mum today and I explained that whilst I appreciate the sentiment behind the gift it really wasn't something I would wear everyday.i apologised to her if she thought I was ungrateful,We have both agreed to go into town next week exchange yge braclet and have lunch.

OP posts:
ZiriForGood · 30/12/2023 16:35

AlbatrosStrike · 30/12/2023 15:55

@1offnamechange

Also the whole hyacinth character is a skew on middle class valuing "branded" things as indicators of superiority/poshness whereas the actual upper class wouldn't be seen dead in them i.e. nominations bracelet over actual gold/silver jewellery.

My take was that someone like that wouldn’t wear this as it’s not posh/branded/valuable enough and make this loudly known. Whereas a polite person might not love it, but they would surely thank the gift giver graciously and move on.

When asked about it they would say they forgot to put it on/ didn’t go with outfit/ saving it for special occasions etc. If it was a well intended gift, there’s no need to make the gift giver feel bad.

The whole premise that we who don't like it don't like it because it isn't posh enough is absurd.
I would much rather wear single bead bracelet bought at sea side than watches wristband.

I would feel terrible to let my mum spend money over and over for something I just don't like from the beginning.
I don't see how pretending and lying to one's own mum is more polite. Surely, she would much rather give her daughter something she will genuinely like than force her to wear something so out of her taste.

ZiriForGood · 30/12/2023 16:36

Raoim · 30/12/2023 16:29

I've seen my mum today and I explained that whilst I appreciate the sentiment behind the gift it really wasn't something I would wear everyday.i apologised to her if she thought I was ungrateful,We have both agreed to go into town next week exchange yge braclet and have lunch.

Great result. Enjoy your day together!

Josette77 · 30/12/2023 16:45

Op is not ungrateful because lots of you love them!

It's important to her mom she wears it often, so being honest with her is the right thing to do.

I think they look ugly, but that doesn't matter because even if I liked them it's OP that has to wear it.

HardcoreLadyType · 30/12/2023 16:45

Raoim · 30/12/2023 16:29

I've seen my mum today and I explained that whilst I appreciate the sentiment behind the gift it really wasn't something I would wear everyday.i apologised to her if she thought I was ungrateful,We have both agreed to go into town next week exchange yge braclet and have lunch.

Perfect outcome.

Hopefully you will find something you really cherish.

chocolateaupain · 30/12/2023 16:48

I got my 17 year old daughter one of these for Christmas but she asked specifically for one. I wouldn't have guessed and bought it for her had she not hinted or shown any interest in one previously as there's a high chance she wouldn't like it. In fact everything I bought her for Christmas except for one jumper that I chose myself, we're on a list she sent me! There's no point guessing for her as it's a lot of money to spend to get her present list wrong! I like to think I'm a young (ish) mum at 38, but I'm definitely out of touch with what the young 'uns are into 😂

That said, I have no idea how old OP is. Just saying I wouldn't guess for my almost adult daughter.

Calabou · 30/12/2023 16:49

Ponoka7 · 30/12/2023 13:44

I've seen these on FB this year, mainly bought for 4-15 year olds. Like a pp they remind me of the watch straps from the 70/80's. If you agree to swap presents it isn't ungrateful to be honest to your Mum. The OP will be spending money to get back something that sits in a drawer, for years. How is that good for either of them? We aren't dress up dollies, the OP doesn't have to wear something 3/4 times a week that she doesn't like. It would be bloody rude for her Mother to expect it.

Yes! It did give me a genuinely lovely bout of nostalgia as it looks exactly like the watch straps and men's bracelets my grandad and his peers wore!
I agree that with the charms it's more something I'd expect to see on a young teenager, not an adult.

Glad you sorted it out with your mum OP. 😊

1offnamechange · 30/12/2023 16:55

AlbatrosStrike · 30/12/2023 15:55

@1offnamechange

Also the whole hyacinth character is a skew on middle class valuing "branded" things as indicators of superiority/poshness whereas the actual upper class wouldn't be seen dead in them i.e. nominations bracelet over actual gold/silver jewellery.

My take was that someone like that wouldn’t wear this as it’s not posh/branded/valuable enough and make this loudly known. Whereas a polite person might not love it, but they would surely thank the gift giver graciously and move on.

When asked about it they would say they forgot to put it on/ didn’t go with outfit/ saving it for special occasions etc. If it was a well intended gift, there’s no need to make the gift giver feel bad.

but OP didn't not like the gift because it wasn't posh/branded/valuable, she didn't like it because it just wasn't her taste, so the reason someone else might not like it and how they might hypothetically react is completely irrelevant and nothing to do with this thread...

If OP sees her mum 4x a week then eventually repeating those various excuses are going to make it very obvious. Not to mention having to feign delight every time she gets another charm for her birthday/christmas for the next decade....

Surely outright, repeated lying to a family member is also poor etiquette?

Ohnotyoutoo · 30/12/2023 17:14

It's not unreasonable for any poster to say they don't like what it looks like. I personally would never wear one, but others like them a lot.

Normally someone wouldn't have to say anything if they didn't like it, they just say "thank you!" and that's that. But OP's DM keeps asking her when when when will she wear it. Something has to be said!

Shinyandnew1 · 30/12/2023 17:20

Raoim · 30/12/2023 16:29

I've seen my mum today and I explained that whilst I appreciate the sentiment behind the gift it really wasn't something I would wear everyday.i apologised to her if she thought I was ungrateful,We have both agreed to go into town next week exchange yge braclet and have lunch.

Fabulous-glad you’ve got it sorted!

GandalfTheWhite · 30/12/2023 17:28

YANBU, them bracelets are hideously tacky looking

PTAProblems · 30/12/2023 17:32

Glad you got it sorted OP!

dankfarrik · 30/12/2023 18:22

Well done OP! Great resolution.

RampantIvy · 30/12/2023 18:32

Great update. I'm not a bracelet person either.

QuillBill · 30/12/2023 18:59

Great news OP.

When asked about it they would say they forgot to put it on/ didn’t go with outfit/ saving it for special occasions etc. If it was a well intended gift, there’s no need to make the gift giver feel bad.
Presumably the OP didn't want to lie right to her own mother's face four to five times a week for the rest of her life.

Ineedanewsofa · 30/12/2023 19:47

Glad you made up with your mum OP, I completely agree that you couldn’t risk staying quiet and risking her wasting money for years to come on something you won’t use/wear. I had to have similar conversation with my mum re charm bracelets - fortunately she asked me before she bought one! In the end she gave me a beautiful bracelet of hers that she doesn’t wear anymore which I wear every day and treasure 😊

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