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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for guidance about old dog and our life

81 replies

Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 09:52

We love our old girl dearly. We ate in our 60 s and my dh jas ongoing arthritis. Considering hip replacement.
our old girl is 15 and she used to come everywhere with us . We have a camper van . We domt use it now and havent been able to for 2 years as she now wees in the night ( she manages with pads at home but in a small van not so - we wsnr get sleep
for the last three years she hates travelling even to local town ten mins away .
she walks to the local pub occasionally but does nor cope or settle when there.
she has three / 4 walks a day . She sleeps nexr to me while i am in and when i am out she is often searching for me or sleeps.
she seems happy whilst awake -
small amount of time in the day.

she needs grooming but now does not understand that we are helping her so tries to bite us when we do it .
the vet says she coulld be tranqlised for this but at15 this affects her massively and she takes days to recover and wobbles.
the vet came to the house amd put km a small muzzle as alternative but she fought panted
and tho she is a mess( we cut bits off - ahe is non shedder) whilst she is asleep . But we cant do her eye area and its a mess.

she is a very gentle breed. People not dog oriented at all.
she has never been in kennels or had a dog sitter .

the thing is my dh arthritis is increasing ( he now struggles om local walks above a cple of miles.
ww want to lok after our old girl but also ourselves. We managed to go away for 4 nights this year aa our dd took leave so we could go away. She said by day 3 our dog was lay by the door waiting for me amd we felt awfiul .

I feel trapped between wanting a holiday Ans asking dd to come again or not having one and just look after her . My fear is that she may die when we are away as this actually happened to my childhood dog and the guilt would impact on us hugelu.

the only thing i can think of is separate holidays
… dd cant come often due to work and also she lives a days drive away
Ww live rurally and we have no relatives nearby and the dog sitter is lovely but due to our dogs missi
ng us ww are conflicted
we do not have longevity in our families and being in our 60 s we are aware our parents passed in 70s and we are aware pf not doing anything now for 3 years isjh

It would help to talk this through as i feel mentally that i cant make my mind up re this. I sometimes oh its only a week but then we panic thinking if we go would we spend the time worried!

we did think of maybe a cple of nighs locally but we are crave the sun

OP posts:
Original poster
Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 09:58

Ps her breed lives a long time - so although she is 15 she hopefully with us several more years yet. We just need to adapt to life with an old girl that just wants to stay at home .

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 30/12/2023 10:00

What are you asking? Permission to put her to sleep? If she’s incontinent and distressed when you try to groom/leave her, particularly at her age, I’d be considering what is best for her. What is her quality of life? The hardest thing to do is to make that decision for end of life, but it’s the last kind thing an owner can do.

I haven’t been on holiday for years due to having dogs, doubt I’ll leave the current youngsters either.

Ducksinthebath · 30/12/2023 10:01

It sounds like your dog’s quality of life is now compromised even without taking the holiday issue into account. Has the vet discussed other options with you if you can’t groom/provide medical care for the dog?

Redtartanlass · 30/12/2023 10:05

I think you know what to do, you just can't admit it to yourself yet.

Sorethroatandearache · 30/12/2023 10:16

What do you want to hear? Put her to sleep so you can take a holiday abroad?
Because that's the only answer; it doesn't mean it's the right one. Only you can weigh up her quality of life versus your quality of life.
We found ourselves in a very similar position with an elderly pet with special needs which couldn't easily be met by anyone else. His quality of life, with the medication and special care, while remaining in his own home (very nervous disposition) was good. We didn't holiday together for about four years but it was pretty sad for us as we missed the last years of taking family holidays with our kids.
This was a special case (adopted from a relative who died) but as much as I love animals, I won't be falling into the pet trap again for a while.

Original poster
Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 10:19

I am not asking for permission to pts
she enjoys v small walks
loves a sniff
a tummy rub
barks exitedly for food
rolls on floor
the difficult stuff
she is groomed by us v clumsily
she hates it when i go out
but mostly sleeps now ( has always hated when i out . She used to come to work wirh me )
and the fact we have an expensive ornament - camper van - we cant use on drive or go anywere
i am lookng to try ans work thjngs out in my mind

not pts

to either surrender doing things
or do things and somehow not feel gulit

.. to navigate as well as possible this stage .. meeting her needs and some of our wants - our quality of life is being affected and its how to sail this new water .

OP posts:
Original poster
Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 10:24

Sorethroatandearache ·

no i dont want that . I wd not pts so i could. Have a holiday!
your post about missing things was really helpful . Dh and i are having to do things separately like say visit my eldery relative and they miss both of us as its a long way away and our dog is sick shake s in car now but hates to be left
its about managing a sensitive elderly dog and somehow balancing life. If we were 40 id feel less anxious but i do feel we are almost v the clock as my dh arthritis isnt great

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 30/12/2023 10:25

What breed is your dog? Has the vet spoken about her quality of life? Just because the life expectancy of the breed may be high it doesn’t mean all dogs of that breed will live well for that length of time.
Maybe the camper van needs to go.
See if you can find a mobile groomer who will spend time getting to know your dog before grooming her.
This is why my DH won’t consider another dog - the emotional attachment to a sick elderly dog broke his heart.

Original poster
Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 10:27

Ducksinthebath the vet gave us a score re quality of life .. by dojmg what we do it came out that she has an ok life
the vet visits at home as she can’t tolerate the anxiety at vets.. vet said she is ok .
vets. Suggested tranquilise her for grooming hee face. But acknowledge s its not the answer as it needs doing every dew weeks and it takes her days to recover from such meds .

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 30/12/2023 10:29

Well your options are -

Dd looks after dog

Go away separately

Have the dog pts

Rehome dog

Personally I'd do the top two this year and see how things go.

Original poster
Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 10:29

Soontobe60 · ues heart breakkng
she now bites wen we try to do her face and sometimes when dh tries to lift her feom her bed for a walk if she is near me

she used to trust us to do it even tho she hates it . Now she bites

OP posts:
romdowa · 30/12/2023 10:32

Would the dog tolerate doggy diapers? A friend of mine uses them for her dog with bladder issues

Kpo58 · 30/12/2023 10:33

She's probably biting because she is in pain. I'm not sure that she has the quality of life that you think she does. Animals often mask pain, but they can only do it for a certain extent.

Yesididntdothat · 30/12/2023 10:35

I think I would spend the months between now and the summer with her, and if there is a deterioration in her condition make the decision that she has had enough by then. You know many people would have made it when she started biting you. I really feel for your dog but special times spent with your husband are not selfish wishes, and one day will mean a hell of a lot to whichever one of you is left behind.

Original poster
Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 10:40

Kpo58 she has a build up od eye discharge round her eye
this is crusty and we cant het ot off
vet says we can tranquilise her to get it off ( mussel cover s it so she cant do that)

but the meds make her ill

the vet came to the house to try n snip at it but the vet cdnt do it as she snaps plus wriggle s and round the eye it’s dangerous

the vet is at a loss what to do expect meds

i hope she isnt in pain . She is on daliy paknkillers for arthritis . Onsior.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 10:42

romdowa she poos too in the night now but thanks ( not always but random)

OP posts:
Lightningrain · 30/12/2023 10:45

If she’s biting when groomed and picked up and hasn’t always done this it’s likely pain related. Have you spoken with the vet about a pain trial? It might help with a few of your issues if you can get her on some painkillers.

JenniferJuniper80 · 30/12/2023 10:45

You chose to get a dog 15 years ago.
It seems very unfair that you're asking strangers to decide its OK to put her down now you find her an inconvenience.

Get her some pain medication, forgo holidays for the meantime.

idontlikealdi · 30/12/2023 10:46

I have an elderly blind and deaf dog with other health issues too, he 14.

He always came on holiday with us either UK or we'd drive to Europe. Took him away in October and agreed it was the last time we would do it, it wasn't fair on him he needs to be where he knows his surroundings and we ended up leaving him in the caravan while we went out.

We're resigned to no more holidays for now.

Original poster
Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 10:49

Lightningrain · she is on pain killers but maybe we cd review

OP posts:
Original poster
Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 10:50

JenniferJuniper80 i am absolutely not saying that
i am saying this is new to us and seeking advise how to manage !

OP posts:
AtomicPumpkin · 30/12/2023 10:50

Prioritise holidays. You don't know how long your own mobility will last.

HalebiHabibti · 30/12/2023 10:52

Her quality of life doesn't sound good tbh. I'd be reconsidering what is in her best interest.

DewHopper · 30/12/2023 10:56

I would double check that she is definitely not in pain OP as the biting seems out of character from what you have said. We have rescued many oldies and always resigned ourselves to not going away when we have an old dog - they are so very precious.
Could you ask a family member to be a live in dog sitter whilst you went away - this could be a good way of ensuring that she has the best care and you can check in on her every day.

DewHopper · 30/12/2023 10:57

Although at heart I am with other posters who have said that you need to be there for her now when she needs you the most. I wouldn't be going away tbh.