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Original poster

To ask for guidance about old dog and our life

81 replies

Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 09:52

We love our old girl dearly. We ate in our 60 s and my dh jas ongoing arthritis. Considering hip replacement.
our old girl is 15 and she used to come everywhere with us . We have a camper van . We domt use it now and havent been able to for 2 years as she now wees in the night ( she manages with pads at home but in a small van not so - we wsnr get sleep
for the last three years she hates travelling even to local town ten mins away .
she walks to the local pub occasionally but does nor cope or settle when there.
she has three / 4 walks a day . She sleeps nexr to me while i am in and when i am out she is often searching for me or sleeps.
she seems happy whilst awake -
small amount of time in the day.

she needs grooming but now does not understand that we are helping her so tries to bite us when we do it .
the vet says she coulld be tranqlised for this but at15 this affects her massively and she takes days to recover and wobbles.
the vet came to the house amd put km a small muzzle as alternative but she fought panted
and tho she is a mess( we cut bits off - ahe is non shedder) whilst she is asleep . But we cant do her eye area and its a mess.

she is a very gentle breed. People not dog oriented at all.
she has never been in kennels or had a dog sitter .

the thing is my dh arthritis is increasing ( he now struggles om local walks above a cple of miles.
ww want to lok after our old girl but also ourselves. We managed to go away for 4 nights this year aa our dd took leave so we could go away. She said by day 3 our dog was lay by the door waiting for me amd we felt awfiul .

I feel trapped between wanting a holiday Ans asking dd to come again or not having one and just look after her . My fear is that she may die when we are away as this actually happened to my childhood dog and the guilt would impact on us hugelu.

the only thing i can think of is separate holidays
… dd cant come often due to work and also she lives a days drive away
Ww live rurally and we have no relatives nearby and the dog sitter is lovely but due to our dogs missi
ng us ww are conflicted
we do not have longevity in our families and being in our 60 s we are aware our parents passed in 70s and we are aware pf not doing anything now for 3 years isjh

It would help to talk this through as i feel mentally that i cant make my mind up re this. I sometimes oh its only a week but then we panic thinking if we go would we spend the time worried!

we did think of maybe a cple of nighs locally but we are crave the sun

OP posts:
DewHopper · 30/12/2023 10:59

Sorry - I missed the part in your post about your daughter looking after her. It sound like she was distressed and in that case i would DEF not be leaving her.

redboxer321 · 30/12/2023 10:59

Sorry to say but I agree with @Kpo58
In my experience vets let you reach the decision to pts yourself. They don't tend to bring it up themselves. I don't agree with this but that's been my experience.
I think many of us elect to pts far too late. I know I did. I now look back and wonder how the hell I didn't realise/refused to realise what needed to be done. As I said, don't rely on vets to tell you.
I saw a man out with his dog the other day. It was so obvious to anyone apart from the owner that the dog was suffering hugely. I had to say something as he went past. I bumped into him a few days later without the dog. He'd taken her to the vets and they'd done scans (I question the need - she was crippled with arthritis) and they found she was riddled with tumours.
Obviously no one on here can say if your dog has a reasonable quality of life or not but just be aware that you as the owner who no doubt loves their dog and desperately doesn't want to lose them may well not be seeing the whole picture.

EvilElsa · 30/12/2023 11:05

Her quality of life is poor.
She is clearly in pain (which is why she now bites) and has a multitude of issues including double incontinence, weeping eyes, arthritis...is she REALLY happy? I know exactly what it is like to have a beloved elderly dog PTS and it is horrendous but you have to put her first.
I wouldn't give a jot about the holidays but I would be about her suffering.

NoSquirrels · 30/12/2023 11:07

So, on the holidays issue you’re limited to a long weekend (Friday/Sat/Sun nights) and your dog stays at home with a sitter, either your DD if she’s willing or someone you pay. You could then use the camper van. You can book a couple of shorter weekend breaks.

You could go away abroad but that’s up to you to decide if a few days is enough (proximity to airport?) or if you will go for longer and accept the dog is going to miss you.

The grooming you’ll need to take the vet’s advice to sedate, get it done short as possible and then keep up with eye wiping so it doesn’t crust over and go hard.

If you’ve never really left her in 15 years, and she’s always been prone to separation anxiety, then obviously you’re limited now she’s older. That’s unfixable.

I do think you can give consideration to regularly checking in with yourself and her and your husband about whether the cost-benefit-quality of life of you all is tipping in the wrong direction. There are far worse things for an old dog than a gentle death at home. Better a week too soon than a day too late.

Astrak · 30/12/2023 11:08

From the information that you have given, it seems as if your dog is in pain. She is snapping, can't control her bowels and is having difficulties with moving. She is in her (mid) teens. Her sight is compromised by the crusts around her eyes.
Overall, her quality of life is, in my opinion, negatively impacted. If she were my dog, I would have her quietly pts.

Soontobe60 · 30/12/2023 11:10

JenniferJuniper80 · 30/12/2023 10:45

You chose to get a dog 15 years ago.
It seems very unfair that you're asking strangers to decide its OK to put her down now you find her an inconvenience.

Get her some pain medication, forgo holidays for the meantime.

People are not suggesting to PTS for convenience, we believe that the dog is suffering!

Wheresmybroomstick · 30/12/2023 11:12

Read the thread, @JenniferJuniper80 you have misunderstood and have been very cruel.

Original poster
Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 11:12

NoSquirrels thats a good idea re have her cut short and then try daily eye wipes

we have been thinking of showering her to try to get rid of the crust as the vet cant do it without meds which make her ill .. but this may be last resort re eyes

OP posts:
Browncupboards · 30/12/2023 11:14

Honestly I'd be seriously considering pts. You've given her the best life and it's at an end.

Quality time with your DH is most important tbh especially given your comments re his health and longevity in families

Finlesswonder · 30/12/2023 11:14

I don't think this dog has such a great quality of life anymore. Just because she CAN eg go on small walks doesn't mean she is really enjoying it.

It might be an unpopular view but I think I would PTS as upsetting as that is. Its not about holidays, it's about keeping an animal alive when living is no longer comfortable

Original poster
Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 11:15

Astrak she can control her bowels in the day and wee
she goes om 4 small walks a day
-ans also asks ro go in garden
its during the night she needs to go now as she cant go through the night anymore

OP posts:
LaurieStrode · 30/12/2023 11:16

Do the sedatives make her ill or just woozy?

redboxer321 · 30/12/2023 11:16

Do you want to end like her, OP? Especially given as she's only going to get worse. Answer that honestly and you'll know what to do.

Deadringer · 30/12/2023 11:18

I don't think I trust vets anymore. Our old boy was showing clear signs of end of life and our vet wanted to do tests for various ailments. The same happened to my sister and friend, all different vets in different areas, all seeming to want to prolong the lives of dogs that were ready to go. I regret very much now that we left him so long. Sorry to be so negative op. As pp said you need to focus completely on the dogs needs right now to the detriment of your own life, or consider pts.

Redtartanlass · 30/12/2023 11:20

When I was making the agonising decision on whether to PTS or not I read on here that a month too early is better than an hour too late.

I too would question whether your lovely dog has a great quality of life. The biting would be it for me. That is not a happy dog.

My best friend made the PTS decision when her dog growled at her when she lifted him up. Her dog had never ever growled.

Deep in your heart you know what to do.

I know the pain. I genuinely do. I made the decision yesterday and my heart is broken. We could have carried on for at least a good few extra months. But because of my love for him I made the decision.

Please read up on how good dogs are at masking pain.

I know this is not what you're asking, so apologise in advance.

BeadedBubbles · 30/12/2023 11:27

I really sympathise op. We're a similar age with an old dog that we don't feel we can leave alone. He barks if one of us isn't in the same room as him and on the very odd occasion we've both had to be out we've come back to a very distressed dog. He didn't used to be like this but lockdown, retirement etc meant he got used to someone always being around. It's frustrating not being able to go anywhere together. Barring one accident indoors he's not shown signs of incontinence and enjoys his food. But he seems very frail and, given his breed and age, is unlikely to live much longer.

However, it does sound to me like your dog is in a great deal of pain and discomfort. I second what others have said about vets not saying when it's time to pts. I learnt this the hard way with a previous dog and assumed that because vets were suggesting various treatment options they didn't think she should be pts. I look back now on her last few months with enormous sadness and shame and wish I'd had the courage to have her pts earlier.

Such a difficult situation op Flowers

user1471556818 · 30/12/2023 11:41

Lots of people telling you that your dog sounds in pain and discomfort.
Stop focusing about your needs , wants and think about your dogs .
Tbh it sounds like it is getting to the end of its life and its having more bad moments than good .
If it can't keep clean and you can't keep it clean and it's biting does that sound like any quality of life .
Get it's painkillers reassed then see if it can tolerate the eye care it needs .
Yep you're not going on holiday together in the van until things change that's older pets I'm afraid.
Do what is best for your dog and sadly vets often have money rather than pets best interest at heart so really really look honestly at your dogs quality of life

WingsofRain · 30/12/2023 11:45

Your dog is 15, you committed to look after her for life when you got her. You can have a holiday in the future when she is gone, until then your responsibility is to be with her.
I haven’t had a holiday for over 20 years, it’s not essential.

Beckafett · 30/12/2023 11:50

There is a check list you can find online to review the quality of life, from a dogs perspective- your vet may have this too. So when you say the sedative meds make them ill then you can interpret what this may feel like to them.
Although the breed may live long it sounds like the end may be soon.
I know it's hard. My circumstances hugely changed and I spent the last 18 months of my dogs life with her being poorly but not at the pts point.

MatildaTheCat · 30/12/2023 11:55

@Mimbuss I know the pain of watching your beloved dog get old and unwell. It’s pretty awful and to some extent you just do the best you can. It does sound as if she is in the last phase of life even if her breed can live longer.

My friend has an elderly dog who is displaying some of the same issues you describe. You say your dog doesn’t do well with sedatives but there may be others to try or try a difficult dose.

In terms of leaving her for a holiday well, only you can decide that. I wouldn’t but another friend did and it was ok. Her dog wasn’t brilliant while she was gone but she really needed the break and dogs will survive if they are in a safe, well known place with a known person. They will need a lot of attention from that person though.

Tough times.

Cattymonster · 30/12/2023 12:03

Huge hugs to you, OP. What a horrible situation. I hope you can ignore the morons who misread/twisted what you wrote as being all about a desire for a holiday.

I'm surprised that the vet hasn't understood that tranquillisation isn't a solution here, for the reasons you've given. It sounds as though you can't actually keep her comfy any more, because you can't look after her eye, which needs care. She must be in a lot of pain and fear to bite you when you try to help.

TBH if she were my beloved dog I'd be wondering whether the time has actually come to consider euthanasia. Can you try speaking to a different vet? One who has a lot of experience with elderly dogs?

I wish the best for you and your DDog Flowers

Ohtobetwentytwo · 30/12/2023 12:08

Do all the bits you need to before a holiday like any grooming or vet visits and book a mix of DD dog sitting and a pet sitter. Pet sitters really are very good.

Perhaps do both. Have DD stay to be around for the cuddles and short walks and have a pet sitter for morning and evening feed, then DD can come and go as she pleases and they can talk to eachother if anything goes wrong in your absence.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 30/12/2023 12:10

Tbf to you mimbus, we had an elderly pet that lost bladder control and was gone within 6 months. Perhaps ask vet for their views on life expectancy. If you get an indication of 6 months, you'll probably prefer time with dog, 12+ months and you'll want to holiday sooner rather than later.

Original poster
Mimbuss · 30/12/2023 12:14

Ohtobetwentytwo she can control bladder in day asks for walk ot garden . She just cant hold on at night

OP posts:
Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf · 30/12/2023 12:17

What breed is she?

re crusty eyes, give her filtered water. This cuts down on the red ‘tears’ they produce.

it sounds like she’s in a lot of pain so you need this reassessed.

get an awning to go with your camper van.

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